With Open Arms

Another year's about to end and with it is the closing of another chapter in my career. I'm done with residency training! Woohoo! After four long years...ummm, a few months in addition, I'm done with training - NOT! Huwaaat?hehehe I'm just comforting myself people. I'm just done with residency training. As I close this chapter, I'm bound to another chapter of my career. Tadaaan! God-willing, that would be another two years of subspecialty training! Ugh!

So maybe you guys are counting now. After two years of nursery, six years of grade school, four years of high school, four years of college, four years of medical school, one year of internship and four years of residency, now another two years of subspecialty, you might ask,"When will I earn the bucks?" or "When will I stop asking bucks from my parents?" or "When will family life come in here?" or "When will I stop training?" etcetera etcetera. This, my friends, is the gist of the life of a doctor minus the toxicity and drama of every 24-hr sleep-deprived duties.

Why am I counting all these years? Counting all these years is like counting all my blessings! I didn't mean to sound melodramatic here but who would have thought that my parents could support me all these times? Imagine a newly-wed couple who even borrowed money from their parents after their wedding for a jeepney fare? That's how my parents started their family life. Yet, they were able to send all four of us to school! Who else deserves the gratitude first but them.

Next in line would be my teachers, mentors, consultants. I will not be able to earn this degree, treat the sick or touch a life without them. More than anyone else, they deserve the honor for selflessly devoting their time and knowledge in molding young doctors like me.

My alma maters would come in next. The public grade school I came from and the Greeney University where I got my secondary to Medical education. I will never forget the virtues of faith, hope and love that it inculcated in my being. These are the weapons that I brought along as I journeyed on in life.

Friends who have been with me all the way. I don't make enemies but I only have a few friends...very close ones. People who knew the autistic side of me and believed that I could do great things despite of being figuratively, petite.

My understanding family. We just had our family reunion on my maternal side this afternoon and I met all the people who have been supportive to me if not financially, emotionally. My siblings who were there to cheer me up when toxicity overpowers me.

Fellow bloggers who followed this blog and read all my trash. You just don't know how refreshing it is to unload my burden here especially when I was still in training. Reading your comments make me in a way in touch with the cyberworld. It lightens my spirit and helped me going.

Angels who disguised in other people's form just so to help me in my life's journey. Include my patients who were also my mentors. Of course to never forget some difficult and unreasonable patient's folks. They taught me lessons on patience and tolerance. I couldn't remember a time in my 30 years of existence that I really felt so down. There would always be someone who will help make life a bit kinder to me. Yep! Even in the midst of difficult and unreasonable patient's folks.hehe

Who would forget the Great Architect who holds His office Upstairs? That Big Guy Upstairs who pampered me all throughout my existence. Who made life beautiful for me. If I worry over things like my upcoming exam or my subspecialty training it's because I'm thinking that I might not be able to do those difficult things well knowing how pampered I am. He has been making ways for me all the time and I can't even understand what's with me that He makes me feel so loved. Oh well, since I mentioned His love for me, this would be enough to throw all those worries away. Face the next year and next chapter of my life with open arms. Bring them on!

Happy New Year Everyone! Hope this New Year would remind us how truly blessed and loved we are.

Super Thankful

Last year, I posted my 49 Things. Well, they are 49 things before I die...err I mean get married. In other words, I'll only get married once I'll be able to fulfill all of these.hehe I guess the year 2008 and the rest of my 30 years of existence were really great. I might not have the time to make a "Thank you" entry before the year ends, and since I felt the great comfort from the Big Guy upstairs during the mass this afternoon, it's but timely to be thankful right now. There's really something with the wind that makes me feel His presence. Well, this deserves another entry.

Anyway, as a review of my 49 things, here they are again. Just in case someone with a good heart reading this would grant me one request. A free trip maybe?hehe By the way, I realized that there are some entries here that changed in time. You know, change of priorities and plans, etcetera. I think it would be wiser if I modify them.hehe This is my list anyway. Who begs to disagree?hehe

Note: The green ones were fulfilled this year...the rest of the highlighted entries were already done.=) I couldn't thank Him more!=)

1. Go bungee jumping - still hoping! There's a zipline at Tagaytay I've heard. This could substitute.hehe
2. Go Skydiving - I'm not sure if there's one in Pampanga. I hope in 2009 this will be highlighted.hehe
3. Train in Neurology - hmmmm, change of plans...it's RHEUMATOLOGY. It's a subspec still.
4. Train in US - PGH is the wiser choice as of this time...blame the economy.hehe
5. Buy an Ipod
6. Get to Mindanao
7. Tour around Asia - can I count 1 trip as "around Asia" already? At least I started the ball rolling this year.hehe
8. Own a house by the sea - a "kubo" will suffice so long as it's by the sea.
9. Go to Disneyland - free tickets anyone?hehe
10. Publish a book - would having a blog be considered? (same question as last year's)
11. Compose a song - very far-fetched! I plan to put a new entry here! Think! Think!
12. Sponsor a scholar
13. Serve the Missionaries of Charity - already visited the place one time but the nuns were not around. At least I had an attempt.hehe
14. Go to Calcutta, India - after the bombing at Mumbai recently, I'm having a change of mind.hehe
15. Learn to drive - already have my student permit. wink* wink*
16. Own a car - house? car? which comes first? Hmmm, I'll think about this once I'm done with subspecialization.hehe
17. Go to Batanes - not during stormy season.
18. Go out on a real date - with my morphine alright...noone else.hehe
19. Do stargazing under the bora skies with someone special - hmmm, hopefully 2 years from now, this will be in highlight.
20. Travel with someone special - hehehe morphine and I's next plan...Amazing Race Asia! Of course I'm kidding! I was sleeping all the time during that 6-hour trip what more in longer ones.
21. Send my parents to a vacation - i mean a grand vacation. I have to win the lotto.
22. Help send a sibling to school
23. Own a Canon SLR camera - once there's a handy and light-weight one.hehe
24. Go parasailing
25. Be in two places at the same time
26. Write my autobiography - can a resume be counted as one?hehe
27. Learn to swim
28. Learn to ride a bike
29. Go scuba diving
30. Make a compilation of my pictures of sunsets
31. Travel out of the country with my family - will travel with mom be considered "family?"
32. Eat baskets of strawberries with salt
33. Do someone a favor everyday
34. Learn another dialect
35. Learn another language - french, spanish, italian, im still thinking
36. Meet the pope - i was at first referring to John Paul II - now we have a new pope!
37. Go to Rome
38. Ride a helicopter
39. Live on my own - INDEPENDENCE!!! (sooooooooooon!)
40. Travel to new places on my own
41.Have a rooftop garden complete with landscaping - overlooking the sea...with a very nice sunset view? isn't it lovely?hehe
42. Buy my parents their golden wedding rings - bought them silver rings during their 25th year i hope i could buy them their rings on their 50th...=)
43. Go white water rafting
44. Put up a foundation - my memorial foundation?=)
45. Surprise someone
46. Touch a life - i believe im doing this
47. Write my last will
48. Fall deeply in love - hmmm took the risk - finally...hehe My head still rules my heart though.
49. Commit without fear - still struggling on this one but morphine tells me I'm doing good.hehe

Hmmm, with the rate I'm running, the long-term plans I have here (see entry #42) and some far-fetched entries (see entry #11), I guess I'm really bound to get married at 49. Well, this is really what the list is for - to keep me from getting married.hehehe I mean, to think things over before I take the plunge. Unless of course I'll once again change them or I'll break my condition.hehe

What's With "W"?

I'm having a break from Harrison's. This is in response to Garando's letter "W".hehe Just by the title alone, I already have 3 W's. Does this mean that I only need to post 7 things/names that start with W?hehe

1. Washington's Manual of Medical Therapeutics - another textbook that helped me through residency training
2. Webster's dictionary - i could remember it well that we were asked to bring this to school when i was in grade school. Pocket dictionaries were not allowed. Boy was it so heavy! (of course I omitted Merriam just so i could come up with a W...hehe)
3. Whoah! - one of my fave expressions
4. Whatever yaya ! - watch Bubble gang and you'll find out why this too is another fave of mine. Match this with upward rolling of eyeballs and a "W" hand sign.hehehe
5. Winston - my morphine's older brother.haha (nandamay ng iba.)
6. Westlife - one of the boy bands I liked as influenced by my baby sister.hehe
7. www. - can i count this as 3 entries?hehehe made life less boring for me.hehe
8. ward - one thing that I'm missing right now. Ironic but i miss the toxicity of residency.hahaha
9. Wilson - the brand of my tennis racket that's 16 years old already and is still functional.hehehe
10. WAIS - this is what Garando is. He didn't give me an X or a Z but he gave me a W.hahaha Peace, manong!

Now back to our regular programming...=)

p.s.
obviously, I love to show my reliable and dependable pairs in this blog. They deserve to be given credits here. I couldn't make rounds in the wards without them.hehe

A Peaceful Christmas to Everyone!

For the holidays, all I wish for is Peace. Peace of mind and peace of heart. I guess by the number of blogs (a.k.a. trash) that I've posted just for this month, you can tell that I do need some peace. Peace from what? Aaaargh! It's the specialty board exam! And it's exactly a month from now! Pressure! Pressure!

Anyway, hope you'll find peace in these pictures. Took them on my flight to Bangkok early this year. Been wanting to take pictures of clouds while in a flight but I only have my camera phone with me all the time. Yep! A law abiding citizen that I am, I didn't attempt to turn my phone on even if it has a flight mode (which unfortunately is not allowed too...why the heck is this function added to our phones by the way?). Equipped with a digicam on my trip, I savored the moment of taking these cloudscapes. (Subtext: Picture me drooling over those cloud formations.)

A BLESSED AND PEACEFUL HOLIDAY SEASON EVERYONE!

My favorite. I'm using this as my wallpaper for Taffy and my fone.

When Will the Holidays Be Over?

I was on my way to the hospital this afternoon and I didn't know that our city's got already a bumper to bumper traffic as early as 2 o'clock! Goodness gracious! When will the holidays end? A once 10-minute drive to the hospital now became almost 30 minutes!

As if the bumper to bumper traffic was not enough, there's a bumper to bumper traffic too at the mall! Walking through the alleys of the supermarket area at SM was like lining up for the counter. Was about to turbo broil a chicken for dinner but to my dismay, buying one dressed chicken and some veggies would take me more time than buying an already roasted chicken. Almost all of the counters there were open yet the carts and baskets were piling up. The express counter was not even standing to its name.

Took a breather in one of the bookstores there. Was about to buy gifts for friends and colleagues. I don't know why there were only a few people inside of it. Maybe it's with the name. It has Christian in it. No pun intended. I mean when people hear the word Christian or any religiosity to that matter, they become uncomfortable. It's Christmas but it's ironic that people missed what the name really is for. So there are only a few people buying books for gifts...I mean Christian books or stuffs? Maybe? Well, it's their choice. I just frequent this bookstore for gifts since even if I could buy cheap stuffs there, I find them valuable in essence. Oh, not to mention, there's no queue at the counter and there were only a few people there. Was tired though and my legs were killing me so I bought just one book before I decided to go home.

Met up with my youngest sister and we've decided that a roasted chicken is a better option than buying a dressed one. Actually, we just didn't have the energy left for cooking. As for the gifts I'm about to buy to friends and colleagues? Will be buying them as soon as the Holidays' over. Aaaargh! This is autism-overdrive at its purest!

What's With the G?

So I'm joining the meme thing in blogosphere. Got this from Sheng and she gave me the letter G! I have to give her 10 names or things that starts with G....okay now, I'm thinking....

1. G - my middle initial (hehehe as if i'm really maintaining my hidden identity here.)
2. G - my department chairman's family name
3. God - i can always rely upon
4. good girl - this is what i always am especially when i'm asking something from the previous entry.
5. geriatric - most of my patients are
6. Garando - my highschool big brother.hahahaha sorry manong couldnt think of anything more
7. Garandee - Garando's wife...haha...now that makes 2 entries already...leaving me with only 3 more
8. good time - this is what i always do when i get bored being an autistic...mang good time ng ibang tao. wicked me!hehehe
9. Gabriel - the name i would like to have for my son...he's my guardian angel too based on the day i was born.
10. Grems (for Gremlin) - my nickname in our peer group. The rest are Manang (for manananggal), Bampi (Bampira), Were (Werewolf), and Miswa (Aswang)...weird name for a weird group I guess.hehe

Saved By the Piggy

Why can't other people just do their work efficiently? I mean, if you were tasked to compute the employees' payroll and their taxes included, why can't you just do it correctly? I dont know if this has happened to other companies too but our accountant in the hospital failed to deduct our withholding taxes for the months of July and August because of adjustments chu-chu with the dependents of the taxpayers. Well, I really am not very knowledgeable when it comes to this. Been telling my sister (who happens to be an accountant) that I'll surely be needing her in the future to manage my finances (as if I really have a lot to count...I'm just being optimistic). Just so to make the long story short, the supposed to be withholding tax for July and August were deducted in my December's salary. Woohoo! Just when I'll be needing the bucks. Hey! It's Christmas! I'm not Uncle Scrooge so my loved ones and friends expect me to be giving them something.

There were rumors that came out that we will be receiving nothing for December. Great! How big will that salary deduction be for the withholding tax? My whole month of pay? Fortunately, got hold of my pay slip. The rumor was all wrong. Well, this is how rumors would run in a hospital I guess. At least I can withdraw some bucks from my ATM. To my surprise though, my withholding tax amounted to 8,+++ bucks! Well, part of it. Another 3,+++ bucks were deducted from my hazard pay. In other words, I paid around 11,+++ bucks for my taxes!

I'm a good citizen! I'm paying my taxes! Congratulations self! Oh, I also would like to share this award to our very efficient accounting department. I made a budget for the month and this included the gifts i have to buy for my inaanaks. Just when I made a budget, I became short of it! Good thing my piggy bank came in handy. Been planning to open it up for Christmas for the past years. Well, my god children will at least receive a little something from me...a piggy bank maybe?

The Graduate's Farewell

After four years, I'll finally be leaving this crap hospital I've been whining about in this blog. It doesnt mean though that this site will be inactive too after my graduation. This site's been witness to all my disappointments and frustrations at work - that's why i call this as my emotional trash bin. Well, it accepted some of my pms fits and autistic moods too...without complaining. So the saga continues even after tomorrow.

Since i was asked by my juniors to prepare a speech...grrrr I hate speeches and I just dont feel comfortable talking in front (autistic mode: currently active), let me post the draft of my speech here. Well, i'll be typing it anyway so for convenience, i might as well post it here and print it later for my reference tomorrow. This is also one way of thanking not just the people around me but also those who had the patience and tolerance to read all my trash here.

I'm not good at saying goodbyes but let me grab this opportunity not to say my farewell, rather to thank the people who have supported me in this journey. As i move on in pursuit of further training and knowledge, it's but proper to recognize the "wind beneath my wings." I will never reach this height (i'm talking in metaphor here) if not for them.

My parents...for all the support and understanding. They never complained that their eldest daughter, after sending her to college then to medical school, had an extended adolescence. I was still dependent on their financial support even after I became a licensed professional...a professional bum in other words...for i was still asking for an allowance from them in my first few months at work. Now that i'll be undergoing further training, I'll be once again a bum to the highest level. I know that I can always rely on them for more support though. I couldnt thank them more for the love and understanding. They knew the problems and concerns that I'll be facing when i decided to enter this government hospital. They never stopped me though from pursuing my plans. My parents understand that despite my whinings and toxicity at work, I could find fulfillment in serving our less fortunate patients in this venue. Why cant they? Charity begins at home and my folks showed me how it is done while I was growing up.

My mentors...for sharing their time and knowledge without counting the costs. They're a bunch of fun-loving, service oriented, and knowledge-thirsty people. Consultants who are experts in their fields who spent their precious time with us, their residents, without pay. They could have spent an hour or two in their clinics and earn more bucks yet they chose to teach and train young minds like us. They could have spent more time with their families and kids yet they chose to mingle with us to mold our character - young physicians who shall grow "old" like them (no pun intented).

My colleagues...for the time and camaraderie. My sisters and brothers in my 2nd family. Residency training may not be as fun and memorable without them. Toxicity became bearable everytime we share some jokes or stories especially when it's over food. United we stood and supported each other against unreasonable folks, difficult patients and unreasonable and difficult nurses. My memories of you will forever be etched in my frontal lobe.

Our chairman...our department's big daddy. For believing in us even if we're considered as the underdogs in the city. Well, people tend to think that since we belong in a dilapidated and crap supposed-to-be-tertiary-regional-government hospital, our brains and skills go with the infrastructure too. Another reason might be because we treat the less fortunate, the social-welfare-dependent patients and the no-read-no-write who would sign consent for treatment using their thumbprints. With this, people would think that our brains are just a bit higher than that of our patients' level. Here's this man though who believed in us. Who encouraged us to give out our best and to stand for what we really are. Among others, he took the responsibility in molding our brains and character even if it entails more patience, more headaches, more PVCs and increased risk for another admission on his part.

Screeeeech! Stop me! I'm carried away. Might as well stop here for i might end up with my longest post ever. Still have a lot of people to thank and a lot of things to say but this isnt just the right venue. This basically is just the gist of what I'm planning to say. Starting on a few paragraphs already made my eyes moist. What more if i'll continue with this?

Geez! I have to wear a water-proof mascara and make up tomorrow. Sob!

Moving Out...Moving On

These are not for the famous fastfood-with-a-Big-Bee-Mascot campaign. These stuffs are mine and I brought them home from work. Coming from friends, interns, patients and pests (errr people who show you their best foot and yet you still find them obnoxious...whatever you call them), these toys found a home inside my locker. Since I'll be graduating this Friday from my training (sniff!), I've started to bring home some of my stuffs so that the new residents could make use of my space.

I'm moving out. Leaving the place I almost considered as my 2nd home gives me this separation anxiety. I'll be missing the people I have worked with for the past 4 years! This is the place where i found my niche. The only thing that's constant here on earth though so they say, is change. Change tells me that i have to move on. Not to remain stagnant, to achieve more and to reach higher. In exchange for this though is that I'll be leaving the people I got close with and I'll be leaving the life that I got used to.

My fluffy kids will surely miss their home too. There's no other way but to move on though. Embrace change...face the new challenges...find a new niche...meet new friends...and to find a new home for my fluffy kids in my room. Hmmm, they might look good in here.

How To Evaluate a Year - Based on the Number of Posts

The longest post title i had...hopefully the shortest post. (Wait i'll do a word count.hehe)

I'm currently having my break with my one on one talk with Harrison. He's such a bore believe me but I'm really trying my very best to like him. To be fair, i guess all textbooks were made to be boring so it's not really Harrison's fault if it's his nature to be one. Well, we've been together for four years and it's just now that I'm trying to get to know him to the bones. I mean every detail of him. With this, I'm starting to do some bargaining. If only i could go on 24-hour duty again in exchange of this talk with him, i am more than willing to do so...even make it 48 hours straight. My butt's flattened up already I guess due to prolonged sitting. Been shifting positions and locations just so to fight off sleepiness and to let my blood circulate only to find myself falling asleep with my marker pens soiling my shirt or my linens! Great!

So Taffy's a great help in times like this. Once Harrison starts to lull me to sleep, i just have to turn to Taffy. Either i'll play games, edit a movie project, or do what im currently doing...post something here. While thinking on what to post here, I realized that 2007 was a difficult year for me. Look at those number of posts i had. This is my trash bin and literally, i had those number of trash for that year...86? Oh, not to count the drafts that remained unpublished since they're not healthy for public consumption. Must have been the Chief Residency responsibility.hehe Looking back in 2008, this year's a bit milder for me. The year's about to end and I only have a handful of "trash" here. Strictly speaking, they're not even pure trash. Life must have been good to me this year. Since i only went on 24-hour duty until the middle of the year, my toxicity was lessened, my exposure to difficult folks and patients were minimized and I only have Harrison to deal with. Well, the boredom that I'm experiencing with him is not enough to be considered as a trash.hehe

Pressurized

Inhale...exhale...ahhhhh....inhale...exhale....ahhhh....I NEED A BREATHER!

Basically this is all that i wanted to say just to relieve myself of the pressure that's starting to build up from within me. The specialty board exam is fast approaching and i think i'm not even halfway with my review. The exam they say is more difficult than the medical board exam despite that the latter is consist of 12 subjects while the former basically just covers the two volumes of our specialty textbook. What with the modified, nose-bleed-true or false questions? I dont memorize things and i hate figures and these questions are kinda tricky. The examiner for example may opt to delete just one word in a certain statement in order to make this statement false. Just one word or one figure...that tricky.

What made things even more difficult for me are the expectations from my consultants and collleagues. Add the so called "slot" that i already have for my subspecialty training in one of the great hospitals in the country pending my exam result. Panic button on!

Ooooops, I'm a grace under pressure. I dont panic. I could manage a very toxic emergency room with a calm demeanor. I know this too shall pass. A lot of people pray for me. People say I have a very good signal to the Great Architect up there that my prayers are always answered.

Alright self, time's up for self-conditioning. Harrison's* already waiting to be devoured. Raaaaar!

subtext: Goodness! Just by the thought of what I HAVE to do after this makes me nauseated. Barf bag please?

*the textbook

My Doppleganger

A very late halloween post this may seem, but this is a response to nyss' request to tell her my story about my doppleganger. It's quite improper to tell her my story in her comment box, so here it goes....to the believers and non-believers of the paranormal...(insert sound here...twilight zone soundtrack...hehehe)

Here's a description of what a doppleganger is from an online source: A double, an identical replica of a person. The idea behind this is that everyone has a Doppleganger, an identical copy of themselves somewhere in the world. If the person is good, then the Doppleganger will be evil and vice versa. It is even said that if the two should meet, then they will both perish.

Well, obviously,if the myth is true, i havent seen my doppleganger yet for im still alive, posting this blog. There were three people who saw my doppleganger. Three different incidents, yet i only figured out just today, that these incidents happened between 10-11 o'clock either in the morning or in the evening.

1st Incident: This happened some time in June when i was still going on a 24-hr duty at the hospital. I went upstairs to our conference room to have my late dinner. It was 9 o'clock in the evening, i could remember. Since there were only two of us who were on duty that time, i was all alone in our conference room since my junior was at the emergency room. At 10pm, while preparing to freshen up, i heard the front door open. We have two locks and since i heard the deadbolt open, i presumed that it was my junior resident who went up. I didnt check who it was. Instead, i went to the bathroom for a bath. After i was done, i received a text from one of our interns. He asked me if i'm inside the conference room and if he could go there. Gave him my go signal and twas him who told me the goosebumps story.
He asked me if i went upstairs at around 10 in the evening. Told him that i was in the conference room an hour earlier. The reason was at around 10pm, he went up to the conference room. He saw "me", actually, the back of me, about to enter the door. He ran after me and even called my name but it seemed that i didnt hear him. He didnt knock on the door thinking that i might be busy so the reason for his text. Catch is, that time that he saw "me" entering the door, i was already inside the the conference room an hour earlier and was on my way to the bathroom. It was also the time that i heard the door open....tinininini tininini....hehe

2nd Incident: This came from our secretary. Every morning, after the endorsement at 9 o'clock, most of us are making our rounds in our different wards. One day, our secretary who reported to work at around this time, saw "me" walked by through the door between the main conference room and the receiving area of our office. She was seated in her table at the receiving area. Thinking that i was in the main conference room, she went in to greet me. Only to realize that there's noone inside the room. The direction where "i" was headed according to her was towards our sofa and she was surprised to find out that i was not there. She checked inside our bathroom yet she didnt find me there. Fact is, i was already in the wards making my rounds with my junior.

3rd Incident: This happened on the same day. Our secretary (secretary A) asked our other secretary (Secretary B) what i was wearing that day. Secretary B who saw me earlier that day told her that i was in black maong skirt and black blouse. So secretary A told her what happened and that she saw me with the same outfit. The two of them got a scare of their lives when i went upstairs for lunch. Yep! I was wearing a black skirt, yet my blouse was pink - not black. Secretary B was surprised! For earlier that day too, before Secretary A reported to work, secretary B saw 'me" standing beside our conference table, texting. I was in an all black outfit. The time when she saw me texting, i was already in the wards. She might have thought it was me but only forgot the details of what i was wearing for she already saw me when i reported to work. She just didnt realize that the "real me" was wearing a pink blouse, not black.wehehehe

Well, three people, three incidents, all saw my doppleganger. I guess my doppleganger is on the "good side" for she didnt harm anyone at the office. Whether the myth about dopplegangers is true or not, i discovered one truth...that our dopplegangers are an exact opposite of who we are...hehehe

New Inspiration

There arent enough trash to dump in here and our wireless connection at home just resurrected from the dead....so my "come-back" blog.

Actually, it's just so timely for today, i found a new inspiration. A new inspiration to blog about. Just when i'm worrying about petty matters in my life, i found the answer from someone i know. Someone just older than i am who faces a bigger enemy than i have. When i'm having battle with myself and my issues, she's having a battle with the big C. She has cancer. Cancer of the ovaries to be exact and she lost the organ that's supposed to complete her womanhood in the process. As a physician i know that her time is counted. Not that it's shortened for even a healthy individual can go ahead of her. It's just that she's given an estimate of how long she'll live. Her existence, quantified.

Life is short. She reminded me about it. I may not have the big C but i can never tell, my life might be shorter than hers. What to do now? Throw away all those petty concerns, reflect on all the blessings i have in my life and be thankful for them. Enjoy life, every second of it. Never to waste a single second on negative thoughts. To stay happy. To stay cool. To love unconditionally and without fear. To give fully without expecting anything in return. To discover how beautiful my life is and how blessed i am. Never give way to my hormonal imbalance (darn pms!). Rather, be thankful that i experience pms and i still have "them" - the organs that might produce another being as abnormal as i am.

Ahhhh life. I just can imagine myself without the Great architect in it. Without Him, i might totally make a great mess out of it. Just when i needed an inspiration (to blog and to get through this pms im having), He sent an angel to enlighten me. In return, i shall pray for this Angel. May she find more strength in the battle that she faces. May she find inspiration too from the people whose lives, she touched...mine included.

On Empty Nests and Dogs

My younger sister got married last May and is no longer staying with us. Our youngest sibling studies in the other island and goes home only during weekends or school breaks. My only brother left home for his board review in Manila, just yesterday. This left only my parents and I having dinner together tonight. Their four children who are all grown up now started to leave home except for the eldest, who happens to be me, who is "overstaying" at home. Nevertheless, only my parents are left for dinners when i am on a 24-hr duty since our helper goes to a night school.

Despite of being "autistic", i felt the silence at home. I feel for my parents whom, for 31 years were used to a not so quiet family dinners. During weekdays, it is only during dinner when we could gather all together and talk about our different lives. No longer now. I may attempt to talk about my work at the hospital but the not so talkative me would definitely tire out if noone's going to say his or her piece too. What happens would be just a mere exchange of words either between my mom and i or my dad and i - well, they happen to be together all the time so they could only share the same story.

Is this what happens when all the children have grown up? My parents are currently experiencing the empty nest syndrome. I knew this when heard mom and dad cracked a joke when they drove me to the hospital for duty one morning. A joke that made me ponder about my future. There are four of us in the family, only one got married but now, my parents are left on their own. They were joking that they will be once again childless come dinner time. I jokingly answered that they still have their youngest child with them. I suggested that they could let our dog , who feels and thinks that he is a human being and a part of our family, sit at the dinner table with them. They both gave out a good laugh. Well, at least i was able to lift their spirits up in a way.

As i walk away from the car, i realized that having four children in the family is not enough. For when everyone grows up, noone will be left at home. Does this mean that i would want a bigger family if i'll have my own? Nah! What i only wanted to say is that, even if i would have a dozen kids, i too would want to have a dog. Why a dog? It doesn't go to school, therefore, need not be away for a board review thereby, can't find a job that might render it to go on a 24-hour duty at the hospital. Also, dogs dont get married and leave home. Yep! I would want to have a dog.hehe

Burger! Burger!

I was all prepared for duty today. Have to sleep a bit earlier last night just so i could have enough sleep in preparation for today. My scrubs and the next day clothes were in my duty bag. Programmed myself that today's another "attack mode day." Wore my most comfortable clothes. An outfit ready for "battle". Woke up earlier than usual and off i went with my big duty bag to the hospital.

As i entered our conference room, all my co-residents were all eyes on me. It seemed as if they were asking me a question until all of them made a very good laugh. I was still in wonder not until another asked me what that big duty bag i was carrying is for. I AM NOT ON DUTY TODAY! Toink! Reality striked me in the face. Actually i was never aware that i am not supposed to go on duty today. I never look at our daily schedule. I am aware that i should go on duty every 3 days. I didnt realize though that tomorrow's another month and there will be change of services in the wards so the change in the schedule.

Whew! So what happened after they all laughed at my early morning bloopers? Everybody chanted the famous commercial line...BURGER! BURGER! BURGER!

Who's To Blame?

At around 9:30 in the morning today, i discovered that my fone's not picking up any signal from my network. I was at first thinking that it's a sign that i'm really needing a new phone aside of course from the reason that my fone's joystick has been sending my sms' to the wrong recipients because of its "auto-select" feature.hehe Have to ask my co-residents who are also SMART subscribers to check their fones. They all too didnt have any network coverage. I wasnt alone at least - yahoo!

What i was expecting however as a transient phenomenon that could last for only an hour the most turned out to be a test. A test for someone who's become dependent to the wonders of text messaging and celfone calls. My work basically is dependent on referrals and the celfone is one of my gadgets aside of course from my stethoscope. In short, i was "out-of-this-world" for the whole day. I couldnt receive any messages or calls nor can i make a call or send some texts. Even if i have my suncellular line with me, i couldnt text to other SMART subcribers too. This explains my "silence" for the whole day and not that i was timid to reply.hehe Anyhow, i managed to survived the day. I too on my part experienced peace and quiet after not receiving any referrals through texts.

What we were thinking at first as SMART's way of protest, after the issue of "free text messaging" came out, turned to be this: news here

Okaaaaay, the network didnt explain the cause of the damage. Irregardless of the cause though, it seems that SMART and PLDT subscribers are told to - "Blame the cables people! Not us! Not us!"

I Don't Believe in Marriage

These past few months are quite turbulent for me. Not that i have a lovelife to worry about but i have lovelifeS (take note...with an "S" meaning it's plural) to ponder and pray upon. News and updates of break-ups, annulments and separations bombarded me. Some lasted for a year the longest was more than 15 years. How the hell can relationships last for 15 years and suddenly went on pffft? I could accept the lame excuses in break-ups of boy-girl relationships. To absorb and to understand however an annulment or a legal separation is quite difficult for me...much more if it involves the children of the estranged couple.

I felt so sorry for my friends. I felt sorry for their kids. What happened to the love that developed during the pre-nuptial stage? Why can't the couple who vowed to be together for richer or for poorer...in sickness and in health and the other conditions-til-death-do-them-part thingie, hold on to their commitment?

These things that are happening around me made more cynical about marriage. It's not that marriage scares me more than death or it sounds like a death sentence to me. Fact is, i just dont believe in my capacity to hold on and to stand on a lifetime commitment. Modern philosophers who assume the characters of "friends" would defend me that maybe, i am just too idealistic. Too afraid to commit with the wrong person. Hmmm...why the hell are they considered "friends" anyway if they dont know the real me? Their argument? "If i am afraid of a lifetime commitment, why did i become a doctor? Being a doctor is a lifetime commitment and this title is marked on "doctors" even to their graves." They're right i suppose. I still am cynical about marriage though on the folllowing points:

1. It's not an assurance that a relationship could last.
2. It's not a security that the love will never die out.
3. It's not the bond that could maintain families.
4. It's not even a comfort that the other party will remain loyal to the other.
5. It's not even a proof that the person you got married with really loves you.
6. It's not just a simple "i do" ceremony...you have to deal with the entourage, the church, the reception, the florists, the studios, the band, the guests...in short, you dont just have to say "i do" but "i do HAVE MONEY for all of these."

After sharing my point and reflecting on the other relationships around me, i could say that now, the more that I DONT BELIEVE IN MARRIAGE. Yep! I really do. (Go Spinsters!) Seriously, why the hell should you get married, spend bucks for the ceremony and eventually spend hundreds of thousand for annulment? Crap! Plain crap. Why not just go on domestic partnership and leave the relationship when you feel strangulated? Simple as A-B-C. Is this me talking or my alter ego?

Curling up my tail and hiding my horns, seeing my parents still together for 31 years despite some misunderstandings that they were always able to patch up, or old patients who still care for each other in sickness and in health, i started to give justice on MARRIAGE. It's not marriage that i should believe or blame upon. Rather, i must believe or blame the couple who created the bond. Marriage too is a victim of circumtances. It's the human component of marriage actually that determines its falls and its success. The same human component that made the commitment that it is supposed to last for a lifetime. Now, you know why i dont believe in marriage. For marriage is just a noun and got no mind of its own. It's the husband and the wife who are the main actors who determine its ending...may it be a tragedy or a happily-ever-after.

I realized that i must never be sorry for my friends who got separated. I just have to blame them...hehe Nah! I just have to believe them in the decisions that they have made. That they are mature individuals with minds of their own...and so am i. Actually, the mind that tells me that i do not believe in marriage is still the same mind that tells me that it believes in ME. The ME who was created by the bond of a newly-wed couple exactly, 31 years ago. The same couple who inspires me that like them, i too am capable of preserving my relationship not just for 3 decades but more.

To my Tatay and Nanay, Happy 31st wedding anniversary. You continued to show me how to love fearlessly and unconditionally.

A Late Mother's Day Post

This is a very late mother's day post...thanks to pldt dsl...i was able to upload the video 2 days after...hehehe Anyway, here's a little something for my mom. My way of saying how proud i am of her. Ok, ok, my mom is in that Avon commercial...so as not to give away everything though, im not telling where she is in this commercial.hehehe For friends who know where i am based however, there's a clue there somewhere.=)

I need not enumerate the things that make me proud of her. All i know is that i am the person that i am now because of her. At her age, she kept reaching for her dreams too without compromising her family's welfare. Well, my mom's not just a "celebrity", she's Super mom too for me. Belated happy mother's day, nanay!=)

It's Not Just Morphine

I had a patient who became morbid at the ICU last night...err i mean early this morning because that was almost 2am. Female, in her late 70's, admitted as a case of acute myocardial infarction. To make matters worse, she too has an aortic aneurysm. She's like a ticking time bomb. Ready to explode - anytime.

She had another episode of epigastric pain early this morning. It could be the aneurysm or could be another episode of myocardial infarction. Either way, both could cause her demise. I requested for a repeat ECG and her heart rate were running like horses - way above normal. Could be due to pain. No, but no for there were new changes in her ecg. She was having runs of ventricular tachycardia. Vital signs were quite unstable. The defibrillator was prepared at her bedside. She was anxious. She was in pain. She actually bid me farewell. She's tired of the fight and she wanted to rest so she said.

From my previous duty at the ICU, i met her husband. Ive seen how he took care of her. Ive seen how he was so anxious and afraid for her. I havent seen him though the whole night. For his sake, i tried to encourage her. She cant go unless he's there beside her. She has to let him let go of her. I asked one of the relatives to call him wherever he was. Unknown to me, he was just outside, resting. Might have been tired from attending to his patient for quite some time now.

While waiting for him, I sedated my patient to alleviate her anxiety. She still was restless and in pain. So I gave her a small dose of morphine. Five minutes had past and yet the pain was persistent - she claimed. Then he came. He held her wrinkled, old hand. He touched and caressed the area where she pointed to be very painful. He kissed her forehead. He was whispering words to her that i couldnt hear. Must have been words to encourage her. She kept quiet. Ive seen how she transformed into a meek baby in the comfort of his arms. She then fell asleep. Her heart rate went back to normal. Her vital signs stabilized. I felt like crying. Maybe i was relieved that her condition stabilized or it could have been more to the sight in front of me. She's comfortable, asleep and no longer in pain. I dont think it's just morphine. It's more than morphine. It's him.

Ahhhh love. I have this soft spot for old couples who still show affection to each other. It might look odd to see old people kiss yet there's thing that i couldnt explain deep inside of me. Saw her very comfortable in his arms. Witnessed how he cared and stood for her in her sickness. All these, removed all my fears. Ive got a morphine in my pocket and i hope that it will stay with me until i grow old, sick and wrinkled.

Why a Lifesaver

I didnt have to answer the usual question that's being asked of an incoming medical student when i was about to enter my alma mater. The "Why do you want to become a doctor?" question was obviously not tackled since the panel were too excited to ask me about my undergrad school instead (a sister school of my med school).

As i breeze through residency training, i was starting to find answers to this question. Answers like to "treat the sick" or "serve the poor" are i guess a cliche. Since im also having my training in a government institution, obviously, these answers seem like shouting at me.

Aside from these, why did i really become a lifesaver? I didnt have dreams of being a superhero. You know, saving other people's lives through a dramatic, action-packed way. The innate autism in me would prefer a more discreet way of doing such like being a physician. Treating the sick, keeping them alive. Before ive wanted to save lives though, there must be another reason why i wanted this kind of life.

They say that one's decision in life is influenced by his/her past experiences. Experiences that are sometimes hidden in our subconscious mind. Experience also tells me that my greatest fear in life is...eeek....not commitment...it may run 3rd. Not even getting hurt in a relationship for it only runs second. My greatest fear is not even death itself rather, losing a loved one through death.

Yep! I discovered this just recently. Ive had experiences of loss when i was younger. That of of my grandparents, pets and friends. I felt the gaping hole created by one's absence. I felt the fear of not seeing the dead loved one anymore...not ever. I thought that ive become numbed to all of these. NO, but no for at present, I still cry over a death of a patient. Actually, it's not really the patient whom i am really concerned about when he/she dies - heaven knows better than i once he/she has crossed the tunnel of light. I am more saddened and concerned with the relatives who are left behind. I still couldnt stand those wailings and crying spells. My heart breaks and my spirit gets dampened. Ive been in their shoes and i fear being in their shoes again.

So here i am, taking the path to lifesaving. I am not god, nor am i playing god. I just wanted to the best of my abilities and knowledge to save a life...to see a happy family in return. I dont even want to change the fate of another being. I just wanted to take part in extending one's life. Death is inevitable of course. Medical school did teach me to predict it and to fight it. My current training however has taught me to fight it with passion and to accept it once everything's been done, with serenity.

30 THINGS TO BE THANKFUL FOR

After my 30th birthday, i realized that i've been posting about the things that i would want in life. I didnt realize not until my day ended last night that there are a lot of things that i must be thankful for. For my 30th year of existence, i couldnt help but be thankful to the great architect up there for painstakingly planned every detail of my life. I feel so humbled, so unworthy. The horns and tails that ive grown as i grew older in years felt misplaced. It seemed as if they dont belong to where they are growing right now. So for tonight, no matter how allergic i am to preachy posts or people, let me, just for now, enumerate the things that i am very thankful for. Give me a break! It's my birthday! Err, a day late maybe. It's my birth month still anyway.

1. The gift of family. - not all people are gifted with crazy parents and siblings like i do.=)
2. The blessings of friends - ive got a lot of friends but only a handful of very close ones who would die for me...im not really sure if they would really.hehe
3. A career i would never trade for anything - being a physician gave me the fulfillment that money cant buy. But i would trade places with the recent lotto millionaire.hehe
4. The best residency training im currently having - for me, my internal medicine family's the best.
5. Being placed in this crap hospital for training - i realized how blessed i am and i am trained in all aspect of my being because of the number of patients that i meet and the number of impossible and difficult folks to deal with
6. The schools i went to - this is not an advertisement for my dear alma maters. Actually, i only had 2: ETCS 1 and La Salle but they prepared me well.
7. My co-residents - as crazy as the family i grew up with. the reason why i blended with them...hehe
8. My consultants and mentors - whose examples and teachings will forever be etched in my young mind
9. My past senior residents - as crazy as i am too
10. My gift of expressing myself through written language - so this blog
11. My talent in psychotherapy - i didnt know i have one until a lot of people told me that i have it. Anyways, i turn out to be a part-time psychiatrist most of the time
12. My patients - they too served as my mentors
13. My patient's difficult folks - they developed my patience and tolerance to the most unlovable
14. Some difficult co-residents - i learned to deal with difficult colleagues and be able to survive a stressful life because of their presence
15. A number of unreasonable consultants - they're a good example of consultants that i must not become in the future
16. My interns - mentoring and supervising them also gave me the fulfillment equivalent to saving a life
17. My monthly salary - meager as it may be but im thankful that at least im withdrawing something from my ATM.
18. Hospital bonuses - at least i could afford some luxuryand treats for myself. Parlor visits, moviebreaks, coffee sessions and a refreshing body spa.
19. My reliable laptop, laffy taffy - after 2 years, it has been faithful to me
20. My bestbuddy and reliable celfone - include its camera
21. My ipod, silver snitch - it kept me company especially during my autistic moments
22. For coffee - it perks me up...more like a lifeline to my everyday job
23. For chocolates - they're first-aid for dementress exposure
24. For blogspot, multiply, friendster, facebook, etc - places i could express my autism and at the same time call myself a social being
25. For nature - the air that i breath, lush greens i can rest my eyes upon, cloudscapes that never fail to amaze me, seas that comfort me
26. For sunsets
27. For ym and smart - at least i could keep in touch with friends despite of my hectic schedule
28. For strangers and angels who walked with me in my life's journey
29. For the internet - without which i could never post this blog and announce to the world wide web how thankful i am for being 30!
30. For the occupant of the fourth chamber.=)

Milestone

A few hours from now, ill be celebrating a milestone. I'll be celebrating my pearl year! Okay, i used pearl so as not to make it so obvious when all i mean is that i'll be celebrating my 30th year of existence.hehe

Just like the ultimatum i made for myself years ago, i also made a wishlist for my 30th year - link here.

I've wished for things that i would want to acquire before i launch my independence. Therefore, time to check those things out and maybe, add a few more for my next milestone. Well, that would be 5 years from now - my emerald year.hehe

1. Laptop – well, this tops my list. Forget the stove, there are a lot of fastfood restaurants in town, but I couldn’t leave without this device. Blogs, reports, journals, games, internet, they are vital and part of my existence. Unfortunately, the money I’ve been saving for this one went to another project. I have a pc at home, but you couldn't bring this one to bed can you?

for this one, CHECK!

2. Queen-size bed – too impractical for someone who will be occupying a one-bedroom apartment or pad. Nevertheless, I love to sleep and I must admit that I love having a lot of pillows around me when I sleep. As of the last count, I have at least five pillows, the body pillow not included, in my bed. If I will be buying a bed fit for just one person, how can I let all my pillows fit? By the way, in case I don't have a laptop yet, maybe I could bring the pc to bed with me.

...i could make use of my old bed right now.hehe

3. CD Player, Radio, iPod (anyone?) or any gadget that could produce music – I sleep with the radio on. I start the day with music filling my room. When I am not in a good mood, music lifts my spirit up, drowns my tears and speaks to my soul.

CHECK!

4. Palm top – Already have one but I still need an SD card to expand its data storage capacity. I just love techie stuffs. Some of my files, palm version of my reference materials at work are all inside this gadget. When quite bored, games in this gadget are enough to entertain me. In case also that I don't have the player yet, I'll just contend myself with the mp3s I have in my palm.

CHECK!

5. Personal refrigerator – I need this for my leftovers. ....Hmmm still no budget for this.

6. Microwave oven – I need this to reheat my leftovers...hehe CHECK! I bought the one we're using at home...hehe

7. Television - I am not much into watching tv nor into watching movies at home (I still prefer watching movies in bigscreens). I just needed this thing to update me on our dying governance and economy. At the same time, I might need to hear other voices aside from myself. ...why did i wish for this in the first place?hehe no budget yet and no place for this.

I've got several things in mind that i would wish for the next 5 years...ooops i already talked about them in my 49 things. I dont want to repeat myself.hehe Besides, i still need a pad for all these things so why ask for more? For those with a kind heart, i accept cash, checks or the pad itself as a birthday gift....hehehe

Ultimatum

I have my recurrent alarm set at 6:30am. Never mind how many times i would press on the snooze everyday before i leave bed. Anyway, i woke up today realizing that in a few days time, i will be experiencing another milestone. Tadaaaaan! My 30th birthday! Hmmm, im announcing this just so, you who are reading this doesnt forget my gift. Wink! Wink!

Seriosuly, three years ago, ive got several posts anticipating my said milestone. Like I cant wait to reach this age - link here, and the one where i laid out my lifeplan -here. The can't wait to be thirty needs another entry. As to my lifeplan, here's a part that gave me goosebumps for I just realized that it's hard to give an ultimatum to one's self...hehe

2. At age 30, that will be 3 years from now, i will be done with residency training. I plan to proceed to subspecialization: either neurology or gastroenterology or rheumatology maybe. I still am in search of a subspec that doesnt have emergency calls and a subspec that's not that toxic. Boy, i just cant afford living a toxic life - from clerkship to specialization. I plan to go abroad and specialize there. Where? US or Australia, any place where my fate would lead me. It is also during this time when i could live on own - independently! Yipee!!! This is also the time that the ultimatum i gave to myself will due. The time that i'll be in a crossroad. The time of discernment whether to really take the road of single-blessedness (finally) or cursed-marriage. Ooops, i dont mean to be biased here. Alright, remove the word "curse". If i get to meet my frog prince during this time, then proceed to plan # 3.

I made this ultimatum 3 years ago and as the day comes nearer and nearer, it seems that im no longer excited about being 30. Why? Read this: The time of discernment whether to really take the road of single-blessedness (finally) or cursed-marriage. I'm afraid that should i make the wrong choice, I might curse myself forever!hehe

Alright self, tell this to the frog prince.

There's Light

"C... is my classmate in elementary. One incident I wont forget was when we were in grade 1, we were playing in our school garden. Nagalakad-lakad kami sa hollow blocks nga naka palibot sa garden. Nadasma ko and napilas (still have scars...scarred people are beautiful)... good thing this girl is a born healer... we look around to find balunggay to stop the bleeding (this is the first prescription Dra. C... gave me). I dont know if she still remember this.God bless you always my friend!"
- A...


Call her A. She's a classmate of mine in gradeschool. Not the whole of gradeschool though for i remembered that she had to transfer school. I just cant remember in what grade we were during that time. For the short time that we were together though, i remembered that we were good friends. She even left a comment for me in friendster (read above) reminding me that the first sign of me being a future doctor was when i applied a malunggay poultice on her wound when she acquired one during one of our games. I actually couldnt remember this anymore.

We bumped into each other when we were in college but got really no time to talk about things. After more than a decade, our paths again met. Not in our school reunion but in the hospital where i work. She was admitted at the surgical ward because of a complication of her disease.

I am 29, going on 40....err i mean, 30. We're almost of the same age, i just dont know who's older or younger in age by a few months. I'm 29, yet i feel healthy save for some joint pains or body aches that i feel from time to time from a harassed duty or from that memorable bangkok trip i had. She on the other hand, single, just like me, now battling the popular big C.

My classmate has ovarian cancer. She underwent several sessions of chemotherapy already and here she is still fighting the battle. I try to visit her from time to time and everytime i come to her bedside, i feel so bad seeing her in the situation that she's currently in. She's admitted at the charity ward. She was working before i believe i just dont know if she has consumed all her health benefits just so she could avail of a more comfortable medicare room. She's almost skin and bones compared to the last time we've seen each other or compared to her pictures she posted on friendster. The best that i could do was to give her the parenteral nutrition pack that was donated by one of our consultants. She couldnt take anything more nutritious than milk by mouth. A pack of parenteral nutrition would cost 5,000 bucks per pack and this is good only for a day.

Our chairman happens to be her attending physician before. It was good to hear that he offered to help her in a way for her chemotherapy. Still, despite of all the aids that might come, i can sense that she feels so sorry for herself. She couldnt help but thank me repeatedly during my last visit. She was smiling at me but her eyes showed all the burden and depression that she's carrying. Her mom, asleep at her bedside, was tired and worn out after more than a week of taking care of her.

Her case made me realize that there's a big life ahead of me. That i have a lot of things to be thankful for. That my challenges are a bit easier than the ones she's currently battling. That maybe, i was blessed to be healthier than she is for i am tasked to help her again. That as a physician, i could no longer just put a poultice on her wound the way i did when we were in grade 1. Maybe i could do more now. I could do better. I too could put more meaning in my life saving acts that's become more of a routine for me sometimes.

For the meantime, the greatest help that i could give her are my prayers. Prayer that she'll be given the courage and strength to face her battle. Prayer that she'd be given the solitude to accept her condition. Prayer that she'll receive peace in her heart. Prayer that she'll have an enlightenment of mind. Prayer that she'll accept her real healer, the big Guy upstairs who lent me this gift of healing she was saying.

Memories of Bangkok

Finally, im back! There are a lot of things i really missed when i was away. I missed laffy (my ever reliable laptop) the reason why im spending a lot of time with him tonight.hehe I miss my bed that's why i slept the whole afternoon and the reason why im still wide awake as of this time. I miss Filipino food the reason why ive been eating our native delicacy eversince yesterday: longanisa and egg with sinangag for breakfast, lechon, fried and grilled fish, dilis, etcetera, etcetera.



Well, my Bangkok experience was one of a kind. Aside from being my first trip outside of the Philippines (i vowed never to go out of the country not until i get to Mindanao to complete my luzviminda tour), i had both good and bad experiences from it. Good experiences in the places i stayed and went to but bad experiences with the food and yep, with my legs.


Im getting old i guess. I dont know if im just trying to experience the "shop 'til you drop phenomenon" or im just challenging my legs to take the 10,000 steps a day plus two glasses of anlene. Nah! Im lactose intolerant so i dont drink milk. What im just trying to drive at is that my legs are $#*&@#!!! aching and im feeling them until now despite those pain-relievers im taking. What's worse? I was wearing my very comfortable sandals and mom's not feeling anything though we walked almost the same number of steps and she's 24 years my senior.

Maybe im a bit harrassed because i get to carry those shopping bags. The reason why after four days and three additional bags and box after or make that 35 kilos of additional baggage, my legs couldnt almost carry my body. I knew it! I shouldnt have haggled for goods there. For if i didnt, then we weren't able to buy more stuffs. Mom's kind of amazed as to how i asked for a bargain from the vendors at Pratunam market. I learned a few lines aside from their Sawasdee (hello!). The first line i tried was, "Tao rai?" or How much. Then the vendor answered me with funny-sounding-i-didnt-understand-a-single-word sentences. In short, i ended up asking "how much" and received a one-liner "one pipty." It would have been simpler.

As the days passed however, i learned the business. Buy at least three of the same kind and you'll get the wholesale price. In short, i was able to get a blouse with the same design in three different colors. I started to get used to "Lot noi" or "discount" and the "Khob khun" or "thank you." One vendor even asked me to stay there to sell with her. I was good at bargaining so she said.haha I was amused. I tried imagining myself selling stuffs in the night market while in this country, im saving lives.hehehe


For the food, whew! hot and spicy everywhere! Good thing there's the ever reliable Mc Do and KFC. I didnt realize that after dieting here in the Philippines, i will only be breaking that regimen by consuming a go large big mac meal! Aaaargh! My flabs reappeared on my 2nd day there despite of not really eating much...much of Thai food. In short, i ate anything except the very hot and spicy ones. Blame the buffet hotel breakfast! Definitely i'll never forget the sampaloc - bought 10 kilos of it. Sheesh! I just dont know what's in their sampaloc but it really is different from our native grown ones. Was a bit disappointed though for i wasnt able to taste their lanzones that's well-endorsed by a friend. It's season is usually in September of course. I should know - it's my favorite too.


One should never forget to watch the Siam niramit show when in Bangkok. One of the best plays i've seen so far. The technical stuffs were great! I was just surprised to find a river appearing on stage complete with the bancas and diving acts. How about those lightning and rain? Really one of a kind and worth watching again.


The grand palace tour was also amazing. I tend to appreciate the Thai's efforts in preserving their culture and religion. The dinner at the fisherman's seafood was also great. The riverview was romantic (ahem!). At least not as stinky as our rivers here. I got intoxicated there actually. Intoxicated with all those seafood stuffs! Antihistamines for my allergy then came in handy.hehe

Now, about other things known to Thailand, dont ask me anymore. Ive never been to the Chatuchak market for we went there on weekdays. Ive never visited the elephant show either. Just ask me anything about shopping especially in Pratunam and i guess i can tell you some stories.hehe

Weirdest Thing

I love bears...ive got lots of them as stuffed toys. Tonight, i just knew the reason why. Gives me the goosebumps actually. For non-Harry Potter fans, a patronus is a "guardian".

What is Your Patronus? Version 1

Your Patronus is the Bear! The bear is a symbol of gentle strength, instrospection and dreaming. He is a very powerful symbol in Native American beliefs. As your Patronus, the bear will use all of his strength to defend you. Congratulations!That your Patronus is a bear says that you are a dreamer. You have a quiet inner strength that reveals itself when you need it most. You are also rather introspective. Try not to focus too much on how you are inside at the present moment, but on how to improve it, and you will be a great witch or wizard!
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I Can Cook...That's All

Was home early today. It's an unspoken rule that whoever comes home first, he/she have to cook the rice. Our helper goes to a night school. She cooks the food for dinner before she leaves. Except the rice of course because even if it stays in the rice cooker, it still is not good to eat by the time that we eat. So much for the introduction. Let me now go to the gist of the story.

Did i ever reveal in this blog that im a mermaid? Hmm, i mean i dont eat fish...the big ones i mean. I could eat any fish smaller than a bangus even if it's dried. The reason? Fish are friends...not food. Seriously, im scared of bigger ones. I have this mentality eversince i was young that they eat humans. Well, it's not that i still believe this until now. It's just that i cant stand their fishy smell. That's all.

As i was about to cook rice, i saw that our helper left with a "fish meal". Meaning from the sabaw to the "dry" meal, they're all fishes! All big fishes! A big EEEeeeew too from my part. I skip dinner most of the time but not tonight for i didnt have snacks before i left the hospital.

Mom has been telling us that in order for us to survive, we must learn how to cook - at least our favorite dishes to be exact. I know how to cook and based from the judgement of others, i am a good cook. This after i threaten them should they say anything bad about my cooking. Must have gotten this from dad. He cooks the best tinolang manok in this part of my town...and bakaretas, and turbo-broiled chicken..and..sheesh im getting hungry.

Anyway, asked my sister to buy a chicken on her way home. Was planning to turbo broil it dad's way. I dont know how he mixes the spices, but i marinaded it my way. Stuffed it with lemon grass and some salt and spices, layered it with salt, basil leaves, pepper and what-have-you's spices from the pantry. Saw a can of evaporated milk too and off it went into my marinade.

Then i placed it in the turbo broiler. Twenty minutes passed and i could see little improvement in my chicken skin. Impatient that i am and hungry at that, i heated the gas oven and eventually transferred my chicken there. So a previously turbo broiled chicken came out of the oven as a baked chicken after another 20 minutes.

I made some gravy with my marinade adding stuffs that i could see within my perimeter that i guess are edible. Basically, i came out with a gravy made of marinade, butter, hot sauce, brown sugar and flour.

Verdict time came. I made sure that my family was famished when i served my dish. This is the technique....hehe Kidding. Overall, the best comment came of course from the chef par excellance of our household - dad! "Namit!"(tastes good!)

Mom delivered the unwelcomed comment however. "Namit! Pwede ka nang mag-asawa." (Tastes good! You can now get married.)

What reaction can she expect from her cynical daughter? No other than a smirk and several paragraphs of negative reactions.

Mom, i can cook! Period.

My Living and Last Will

A few months ago, i remembered posting about my 49 things. I'm starting to eliminate things i can do for now, so here goes my so called last will - blog edition. Meaning, these are just the stuffs that i could share with others. For the rest, maybe you'll get to read this when I'm dead.tee-hee

Before anything else by the way, let me enumerate a few things that i would wish before i die. In other words, before this last will gets executed - here goes my living will.


LIVING WILL

I, ____my name______, of ____earth______, being of sound mind, do hereby
willfully and voluntarily make known my desire that my life not be
prolonged under any of the following conditions, and do hereby further declare:

1. If I should, at any time, have an incurable condition caused by any disease or illness, or by any accident or injury, and be determined by any two or more physicians to be in a terminal condition whereby the use of "heroic measures"or the application of life-sustaining procedures would only serve to delay the moment of my death, and where my attending physician has determined that my death is imminent whether or not such "heroic measures" or life-sustaining measures are employed, I direct that such measures and procedures be withheld or withdrawn and that I be permitted to die naturally. Should i also add that intubations and cardiac compressions will in a way only destroy my pearly whites and break my sternum- the reasons for my choice of no heroic measures. Oh, not to mention those stinky ambubags that will be used for the intubation will do me more harm than good.

2. In the event of my inability to give directions regarding the application of life-sustaining procedures or the use of "heroic measures", it is my intention that this directive shall be honored by my family and physicians as my final expression of my right to refuse medical and surgical treatment, and my acceptance of the consequences of such refusal.

3. In the event that ive become already a corpse, i would want my mom to do my make up. No make ups from any funeral parlor that was for sure used to other dead people be applied on me.

4. Should my family and friends wish to have a wake for me, i wanted my coffin closed. I don't want people to comment on how peaceful or not i might look, or on how i gained/lost weight. In other words, i don't want others to see me when I'm dead. Geez, imagine how uncomfortable you could get inside a coffin.

5. I would want to be cremated and my ashes be given to my family and friends who would wish to keep a fraction of it. I don't want to be buried 6-feet under and be feasted upon by maggots and decomposers...ewwww!

6. I am mentally, emotionally and legally competent to make this directive and I fully understand its import.

7. I reserve the right to revoke this directive at any time.

8. This directive shall remain in force until revoked.

IN WITNESS WHEREOF, I have hereto set my hand and seal this _____ day of __________, 20___.

Signed: __________

Declaration of Witnesses The declarant is personally known to me and I believe him to be of sound mind and emotionally and legally competent to make the herein contined Directive to Physicians. I am not related to the declarant by blood or marriage, nor would I be entitled to any portion of the declarant's estate upon his decease, nor am I an attending physician of the declarant, nor an employee of the attending physician, nor an employee of a health care facility in which the declarant is a patient, nor a patient in a health care facility in which the declarant is a patient, nor am I a person who has any claim against any portion of the estate of the declarant upon his death.

Signed: _____________

LAST WILL AND TESTAMENT


KNOW ALL MEN BY THESE PRESENTS:

I, ____my name (you know me - need not state it here)____ , Filipino citizen, of legal age, single/married (still being pondered upon) to ___the keymaker___, born on the __3rd__ of ____April_______ , 19_78_ , a resident of __earth__ , being of sound and disposing mind and memory, and not acting under undue influence or intimidation from anyone, do hereby declare and proclaim this instrument to be my Last Will and Testament, in English, the language which I am well conversant. And I hereby declare that:

I. I desire that should I die, it is my wish to be CREMATED according to the rites of the Roman Catholic Church and my ashes be placed in an urn and be kept by my family. Friends who would wish to keep a gram or two of my ashes may feel free to ask some from my family.

II. To my beloved husband (should i die 20 years from now - meaning, i already got married by that time) _____the keymaker_____, I give and bequeath the following property to wit: my loyalty and love. These are the priceless possessions that i could leave you. We signed the prenuptial agreement, remember?;

III. To my esteemed children (hmmm ill be thinking of children's names here), Celine Angela Therese and Miguel Angelo Gabriel, I give and bequeath the following properties to wit: my half a century old stethoscope - in case you would like to follow my footsteps, and the indigent patients i treated and managed in the regional hospital. Include the beauty and brains that i contributed to your being. These are wealth that noone can steal away from you. For your school, clothing, allowance and real property inheritance, let me refer you to your dad's last will;

(this space is for my parents and siblings)

(this space is for my friends and a few relatives)

VI. I hereby designate ____name of executor_____ the executor and administrator of this Last Will and Testament, and in his incapacity, I name and designate _____________________ as his substitute.

VII. I hereby direct that the executor and administrator of this Last Will and Testament or his substitute need not present any bond;

VIII. I hereby revoke, set aside and annul any and all of my other will or testamentary dispositions that I have made, executed, signed or published preceding this Last Will and Testament.

IN WITNESS WHEREOF, I have hereunto affixed my signature this ________ day of _____________, 2008, in ________________, Philippines.

_______________________________________
(Signature of Testator over Printed Name)

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I might sound morbid here. But hey, death is inevitable. I'm just a realist.hehe