tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-195190812024-03-08T07:28:03.443+08:00The Doctor is OUT<a href="http://imageshack.us"><img src="http://img280.imageshack.us/img280/2161/feetdu1.jpg" border="0" alt="Image Hosted by ImageShack.us" /></a>
in this place, i could take off that coat.in this place, i could unload that burden.in this place, i could express my whinings.in this place, i could drop that responsibility.in this place and time, i am just me, not a lifesaver, not a healer, not a doctor.
DISCLAIMER: THIS SITE IS GUARANTEED 100% RANTINGAngelMD-No-Morehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17199090682859269847noreply@blogger.comBlogger227125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19519081.post-54147821627310627532011-05-18T00:50:00.003+08:002011-05-18T02:10:16.435+08:00RH Bill, eh?<div style="text-align: justify;">It's all over the place. The Reproductive Health Bill (House Bill 4244) has caused commotion in both the church and the state. It's on the news everyday. Latest of which is the glitch between Pacman and Miriam. It was even a topic in one of our dinners at home with me letting my parents (who are active in church) understand that the church is misleading them. With the way the church is tackling this problem, it reminds me of Padre Damaso.<br /><br />The great debate between the church and the government is what that irritates me. Both of them have closed minds and ears. Both simply do the talking without listening. Could they just shut up and listen to each others argument? If there's something in the bill that they go against with then trash that part. Can they just do this and leave all of us in peace?<br /><br />I am not pro or anti-RH bill. As a physician all that I am sure of is that I am a protector of life. I am a catholic and I am against abortion. I believe that I have faith in my creator and that I respect His ministers. What bothers me however is that why is the church pushing its stand that the RH bill is pro-abortion when in fact the bill states that abortion remains illegal and is punishable by law? Why does it have to exaggerate facts or be very strict with semantics? That contraceptives are abortifacients? Abortifacients since it stops fertilization then basically "aborts" life. Man! Kalurkey! What kind of argument is this?<br /><br />Yep! There are means of contraception that may cause abortion based from the little knowledge that I can remember from long ago. Tops the list is the intrauterine device or IUD. Its purpose is to prevent the sperm from meeting the egg so the sperm goes around the maze created by the IUD inside the uterus until it dies. Abortion happens when a wise sperm finds its way towards the egg and fertilization begins. This fertilized egg should implant itself in the uterus in order to live. Abortion takes place if the moron, er morula gets lost in the maze and dies before it can implant itself. If there's a problem with the IUD, can the RH bill authors just remove it from the contraceptives they are proposing?<br /><br />The guiding principle of the bill so they say is responsible parenthood, reproductive health and population development. The church is afraid that should the bill push the use of condoms and introduce sex education among the youth it will promote promiscuity and pollute the minds of these adolescents. Why don't they agree on one thing then? Since it's the money of the taxpayers that is involved in this debate, then these contraceptions be only given to married couples. The church should also hold responsibility on the morality aspect. Sad to say, the media is more influential than the church in promoting the so called "norm" in our society. The church can't blame the RH bill if it wants sex education to be included in the school curriculum. It maybe just wanting to do some damage control. In the first place, being the moral advocate, the church should have strengthened the value formation and religion classes. It should have drawn the youth towards them before wordly influences overpower their young minds. If this is happening now, then do we still need sex education if our youths are aware of what is right and what responsibility is all about?<br /><br />How about the newly married couple? I am aware that an about to be wed couple needs to attend a seminar with the church and this included family planning. Why not the RH bill advocates help with the church in inculcating knowledge to the couples for the so called responsible parenthood instead of emphasizing on sex education? A friend who happens to be a doctor underwent this kind of seminar before her wedding. What she couldn't take was the misconceptions of the old woman who gave the seminar regarding reproduction. Good for her she has a knowledge of it. How about those who needed the right knowledge? Will they forever be misled by the seminars given to them by the church? Are these women who are giving seminars certified to give such training by the way? No wonder, regardless of these seminars that the church gives, our population growth is still uncontrolled.<br /><br />As to the pro woman aspect of the bill, RH bill advocates promote use of contraception so that women who are forced by their intoxicated husbands to have sex are prevented from getting pregnant. Blimey! So where did the Anti-Rape Law of 1997 go? One of its amendments is the recognition of marital rape as a crime. Will contraception promote good relationships among married couples just because the wife gave in to her husband's call of the flesh without fear of getting pregnant? A good relationship I believe is not measured on the number of times that a couple have sex. This too isn't an assurance that it will protect women. I'm afraid, this will even be a venue of exploiting us. You are taking pills, so I can have sex with you anytime I want for you are safe. Is this our idea of protecting women? I would rather go for the strict reinforcement of this marital rape law. Women empowerment must be emphasized here and not just submissiveness to a husband who is under the influence of alcohol.<br /><br />I know I'm blabbering. My diminutive mind however can no longer grasp the arguments of both parties. Instead of the church giving emphasis on abortion and morality issues against the RH bill, why don't it tackle the issues on the success rate of this RH bill in the countries that already implement this? Was abortion lessened in these countries? Did it decrease divorce rate among couples and improved relationships? I don't think so. If this is their argument, maybe I would be one of those who will be supporting them.<br /><br />Question is, at the end of the day, is this all worth it? Whoever wins, will this holistically upgrade the lives of the Filipinos? I just hope that everyone will be enlightened on this issue that they start to listen instead of talking. I'm a tax payer. I have the right to air my opinion. This is my blog so violent reactions must be reserved in your own cozy nook of a blog.=)<br /></div><div class="blogger-post-footer">"Always a survivor...never a victim."</div>AngelMD-No-Morehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17199090682859269847noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19519081.post-54384228694724354382011-04-19T23:54:00.002+08:002011-04-20T00:50:15.073+08:00Nostalgic<div style="text-align: justify;">If there's one word that can describe my day today, this would be it. I went to visit my alma mater to submit some documents. While walking along its corridors, I had this weird, overwhelming experience. I first set foot on those corridors exactly twenty years ago. I was a young incoming high school freshman then. I was with my mom that time, on our way to the guidance counselor office where the admission requirements were submitted. The corridor was a plain, finished cement with coleman jugs and stroller bags at the sides. Gradeschoolers just leave their things in the corridors while they played with their classmates. All these without fear that their stuffs will be stolen. That was the sense of security that each student had back then.<br /><br />The corridor I was walking on was already tiled. If I can remember it right, this was tiled after I graduated from college. Everytime it rains these tiles get wet and boy where there a lot of college students who slipped on those corridors. I guess we were better off with that finished cement. since my classmates in high school even deliberately slide their way on those halls without fear of falling.<br /><br />Other than the tiled floor, gone are the signs on the beams of the corridor's roof. Back then, I could almost memorize what was written on those beams. Now, I tend to forget them already. A La Sallian is a man for others....a La Sallian is etcetera etcetera. These stuffs actually. Today, those signs on the beams were replaced by huge tarpaulins on the sides (must be a way of covering the corridor from the rain.wehehe) The lines written on those tarps were almost the same though. Reminding La Sallians who pass those corridors how to behave.<br /><br />The rooms where different too. Some rooms already have double doors with grills. I am no longer aware if the school is as secure as 20 years ago. Based from what I saw however, I think things have changed too in the security aspect. A number of buildings were also built on a previously grassy park. I could no longer see the tennis court while I was walking through that corridor because of the new infrastructures. The ever memorable tennis court where I used to play tennis after school. Why memorable? I was kind of conscious in my shorts then every time I play. There were only a number of us girls in high school that time, being the 2nd batch of girls when La Salle high school turned coed. The tennis court was very visible from the corridor and all boys who passed that corridor can see me in my shorts running after the ball. Even my high school crush noticed me then. I was playing doubles with a grade school kid that time. When I got out of the court, my crush told me that I was playing with his brother. I forgot who won that match but the ending of talking with my crush was a winner.hahaha Basically, the tennis court was very open to prying eyes.<br /><br />As I was nearing the College of Medicine office, I passed by our old high school classrooms. They were now turned into college classrooms. The doors are still the same, with openings in it shaped as crosses. I forgot to check if the door knobs were the same though. Those kind where I learned to use a plastic card rather than keys to open them. If there was a skill in high school that I still have today, this would be it. Our quadrangle got smaller in area too. It was no longer a quadrangle where students gather for the morning flag raising ceremony. It was also during that time that us girls were always reprimanded by our assistant principal for a stinking comfort room.hahaha Since this area was already occupied by the college department, it's now an open space where I hypothesize, college students could get their daily dose of vitamin D since most of the areas in the campus were already covered.hehehe<br /><br />Twenty years forward, I am now a young internist who came back to her alma mater to apply as a part time faculty of the college of medicine. The nostalgia that I had today even made me more excited for the said teaching job. This is just one way of showing my alma mater my gratitude for molding me into a kind of doctor and person that I am. No matter how my old school looks now, with all the improvements and new buildings, there lies a part of me within its walls. Same thing with me. No matter how old I've grown and how many institutions I went to, I still a have a green blood in my system.<br /></div><div class="blogger-post-footer">"Always a survivor...never a victim."</div>AngelMD-No-Morehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17199090682859269847noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19519081.post-35484326065192704282011-04-18T00:14:00.002+08:002011-04-18T01:03:17.944+08:00Inspired<div style="text-align: justify;">I have been feeling uninspired and idle for a month now. Truly when you oversleep you tend to be more tired and sleepy the whole day. This has been happening after my fellowship training ended. I just couldn't get myself to move and do something productive with my life other than sleeping. Yep! I sleep over my books and with the speed that I am running, I don't think that I will be able to finish all the topics that I need to read upon for my exam.<br /><br />With this, I forced myself to attend our department's weekly conference so that I could force myself to study. I forced myself to hold clinics everyday in the afternoon so that I could earn some bucks and therefore get rid of the title professional bum. The universe must have cooperated too that I was bombarded with referrals from the residents in the government hospital I am affiliated in. In short, I was forced to make rounds with them in order for me to see the patients they're referring. I was saying "force" for if I would only let my idle self decide, I would choose to stay in my room and spend the whole day reading...errr sleeping actually.<br /><br />Just when I needed the inspiration to get moving, thanks to my other favorite hobby, channel surfing for I came across the show Bottomline last night. Its guest was Fatima Soriano, an 18-year old, blind, Marian devotee. This girl has all the energy that I longed to have. She was so bubbly, full of inspiration, full of zest for life. Looking at myself, here I am, strong and able yet very lazy to use my God-given faculties. A slap in the face that was. The kind of slap that rises one from slumber though. Not those telenovela type that provokes you to slap back.hehe A slap in the face, a pinch in the heart, I couldn't explain what I felt but I knew that this girl made me cry.<br /><br />Where in the world was she getting that energy, that kind of zest for life, that kind of faith? I was like her when I was younger. People close to me call me their angel. I'm serious. I was even recruited by the nuns in my highschool to join their congregation.wahaha What happened to that young, energetic and full of faith girl then? Did she turn into a pathetic doctor whose life seems suspended in mid-air? A doctor who grew horns and tail instead of halo and wings? Is that what I have become after all those trainings, hardships and challenges I went through in achieving my dream?<br /><br />After finishing my last leg of training, my life landed on a plateau that not even my upcoming diplomate exam would scare me and force me to study. Shame on me. Shame on me for it took a blind girl for me to wake up from my long slumber. I have a short life to live. Eventhough I have reached that dream of mine, I know that my career as a health care provider is just starting. My life does not end here. I know that I need not waste my time in bed for when I'm dead, I'll surely be sleeping forever. Thank you Fatima for the inspiration. Thank you to the Big Guy Upstairs for sending angels to inspire me. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a bucket list to finish.=)<br /></div><div class="blogger-post-footer">"Always a survivor...never a victim."</div>AngelMD-No-Morehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17199090682859269847noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19519081.post-86946675242990424792011-04-11T11:37:00.002+08:002011-04-11T12:00:26.836+08:00ResurrectIt's been more than year since I posted something here. I have been wanting to post a new entry but there were a lot of reasons that hindered me from doing it. First, blogger has gone Chinese a few months back. I couldn't understand any of the tabs that I tend to memorize what those tabs were for. Afraid that I might mess up big time with my blog account, I forgo with the idea of posting something. Second, fellowship training consumed much of my time. Third, morphine served as my human trash bin that all I need to do was to talk to him rather than going online to post something. Lastly, there's facebook where I could post my short rants through my status.:)<br /><br />I realized though that the therapeutic effect of blogging on my heart and on my psyche is way different than the substitutes I've found. One, there's this feeling that I have emptied everything out after posting something. The thought that this blog is a bit "private" than facebook and that shedding some negative thoughts in here could not affect other life forms unless they read my entries (at their own risks), make me more comfortable in expressing myself here.<br /><br />I am supposed to make a new blog account. You know, leave all the negativities and all the rants of training behind. Now that I am in private practice, and have gone "instantly" more mature after I was released from my training institution, my posts may be more mature and more optimistic now. For the sake of "continuity of care" however, I've decided to resurrect this blog and continue with what I have started. After reading some of my old entries, I had a good laugh at myself on how I evolved from a whining resident to a less-whining consultant.hahaha Nah! It felt good to read old stuffs. They served as measures of my growth as a person. If I leave them behind in this old blog and start a new one, there would be no point of comparison on how I was behaving a few years back to the present.hehe<br /><br />Now that I'm juggling my time between my practice and my review for my diplomate exam, I know that I will be able to post an entry here quite often. There may be some changes with the way I think and feel. Since this is my trash bin, my whinings shall predominate this blog still...a bit milder though I suppose. There's something that didn't change with how I blog however. I still post lengthy entries.hehehe<div class="blogger-post-footer">"Always a survivor...never a victim."</div>AngelMD-No-Morehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17199090682859269847noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19519081.post-13068399711559225342010-03-28T12:41:00.002+08:002010-03-28T12:52:58.116+08:00Beachy<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEink1uD1kmK31kKB-vFPNJGcQIokWoFJ2hjFlA0W4anBZIt9J83qhmFBKa3hca3TpMtiEMJLqBk2K4dzfLBJCCW_6pF_gt8AU1SIXmLem_YLzjQcrJZuKTjhJYnu37wdlUqxWc0dw/s1600/bora.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEink1uD1kmK31kKB-vFPNJGcQIokWoFJ2hjFlA0W4anBZIt9J83qhmFBKa3hca3TpMtiEMJLqBk2K4dzfLBJCCW_6pF_gt8AU1SIXmLem_YLzjQcrJZuKTjhJYnu37wdlUqxWc0dw/s400/bora.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5453542837785660498" border="0" /></a><br />Exactly four years ago, I took this pic in Bora. When your knowledge though on how harmful the sun is on one's health increases, you definitely will spare the beach. Hah! Rationalizing again for having no time to hit the beach this summer! Subspec training...training...what have you done to me? =)<div class="blogger-post-footer">"Always a survivor...never a victim."</div>AngelMD-No-Morehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17199090682859269847noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19519081.post-17986181925795113402010-02-21T22:39:00.002+08:002013-03-13T01:11:04.883+08:00Sleeping BeautyJust got home from a sick leave. I did have the nerve to ask my bosses for a sick leave. After one year of fellowship here in the jungle of Manila, I finally decided to put an end to my recurrent tonsillitis. If not for my mom threatening me that it might lead to rheumatic heart disease, i didnt decide on this one. Now, im on my 3rd day post-tonsillectomy and I'll be back to work tomorrow. I didnt want to announce it here at first but i just want to immortalize in this blog on how good Bro really is. Anyway, Mom already started the text brigade for me that even if I would want this surgery to be discreet, everyone else knew about it. How did I find out? My aunt was with me in my hospital room when she received the text from mom. Mom's style worked too I guess.<br />
<br />
I left Manila on the 17th and I got admitted straight from the airport. My OR was scheduled first thing the next day. I have already contacted my surgeon before i filed for a leave. People were wondering why I chose to go home when I am working in one of the best hospitals in the country. My only reason is - there's always an advantage when I'm in my homecourt. I want to be with my family. I'm more familiar with the people and the system in my hometown.<br />
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Early morning of the 18th, an orderly came to fetch me. All I could remember was I said goodnight to my parents after the nurse administered the midazolam. The rest were a blur. I had my first lucid interval and my first memory of my ordeal when i was already in the recovery room. A former intern came to my bedside and greeted me. I remembered saying "hi" then i once again drifted to sleep. I guess my anesthesiologist also tried to wake me up and I remembered thanking him. I didnt even had a glimpse of my surgeon or how the OR looked. I was asleep all along.<br />
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I was very lucid when I was already in my room and that was already late in the afternoon. Well, I could talk after my surgery. My pain threshold's quite high I guess. Thanks to the tramadol drip too. It made things easier for me to bear.<br />
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On my 2nd post-op day, I was discharged. My surgeon and my anesthesiologist gave me clearance and was surprised for my recovery. Well, if I'm bound to fly back to Manila soon, I dont have a choice but to act well.<br />
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Things happen as a breeze. Bro made things happen for me. I know that I couldnt thank Him more for what He's done. Enumerating those things here is I guess one way of thanking and praising Him for everything.<br />
1. I was granted the sick leave<br />
2. I didnt have a difficulty in scheduling for my OR<br />
3. I had a good and comfortable hospital room<br />
4. I was asleep during the operation and couldnt even remember that it happened<br />
5. I was intubated! But then at least I didnt find myself in that state of being intubated or else I might have panicked. I was already on oxygen cannula when I woke up in the recovery room.<br />
6. I feel less pain...just a bit of discomfort in my throat.<br />
7. I was on ice cream diet!!! the best!<br />
8. My surgeon's and anesthesiologist's fees were on courtesy!<br />
9. Philhealth shouldered almost half of my hospital bill.<br />
10. Ive got a very supportive family...my mom was with me all the time when I was admitted. Tatay's the errand boy bringing stuffs from home to the hospital.<br />
11. Ive got visits from people who cared.<br />
12. From the OR to the RR, Ive got previous interns who are now residents who took care of me.<br />
13. My first experience as a patient was a good one. At least I finally felt how comfortable it is to sleep on a hospital bed without minding the time.<br />
14. The best thing too was that the thing that i dreaded most didnt happen. People were threatening me that I might be catheterized since Ill be on general anesthesia. The first thing that i checked out when I was lucid was if I feel any discomfort down under and I felt nothing.hehe<br />
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Now, Im back to my feet after 3 days. Will be back to work on my 4th post op day. I just hope there will be no patients in the out patient tomorrow. I know I need to rest my voice for some time. Unless texting is allowed in talking with my patients. Anyway, thank you Bro! Thank you too for those who offered their prayers for me.<div class="blogger-post-footer">"Always a survivor...never a victim."</div>AngelMD-No-Morehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17199090682859269847noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19519081.post-90237138171377152942010-01-27T23:42:00.003+08:002010-01-27T23:54:26.133+08:00SUNnyI hope i'll be able to regularly post stuffs here after I switched my ISP to what else but the reigning network in my area. G and Sm step aside and stop comparing yourselves on who's the fastest for I am now happy with the speed of my broadband. I can now at least send a powerpoint file via email and can download files at a rate I didnt experience from my previous provider. At least i dont get to sleep while waiting for the web pages to load. I can now go bloghopping and leave or reply to comments. I'll be back to blogosphere and everything will be back to normal for me! Yipee!<br /><br />Ooops! I forgot about the toxicity of this fellowship thing. I hope I still have the time to do all these stuffs I've just mentioned. It's now back to reality for me...back to work.hehe<div class="blogger-post-footer">"Always a survivor...never a victim."</div>AngelMD-No-Morehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17199090682859269847noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19519081.post-14722948121455455962010-01-02T09:48:00.001+08:002010-01-02T09:48:40.757+08:00To Live<span xmlns=''><p>It's a new year and people are busy making their resolutions which eventually gets forgotten by the end of the year. Then they make it again for the next year and the next and the next. This is the sole reason why I don't make promises or resolutions every time a year comes anew. With the tasks I have to do, research papers I have to make, cases I have to study, books that I need to read, I will surely forget about this resolution should I make one. I want it that should I have one resolution, I must be able to remember it in my daily activities, with the people I meet or just everytime I wake up and drag myself to work.<br /></p><p>It has been 10 months when I started this fellowship training. It has been 10 months when I felt like I am not my real self. I must have left the real me somewhere and lost it. I am not sure whether I really lost it or something must have gone wrong in my system. Like a loose screw somewhere that needs to be tightened or a hinge that needs to be oiled. I'm acting weird in fact. My emotions became labile, I always feel down in the dumps and I tend to be irritated by small stuffs. I don't find anything fulfilling or happy at all – with work. I'm giving an emphasis on this just in case morphine, friends or a family member stumble into this blog and might misinterpret me. I am no longer happy with my work. That's it!<br /></p><p>Why am I saying this? For the past 10 months, going to the hospital everyday seems like a struggle for me. I'm a walking zombie – functional at that. I examine patients, gives my soundest opinion on their cases, treats them, mingle with them or with my colleagues, then I sleep the whole night through when I get home to my apartment. I feel so empty. I don't find any fulfillment with my being a "physician"…again! You see, my posts are records of my emotional roller coaster ride. One post I'm down, another I'm so inspired. This I feel isn't healthy and isn't the usual me. The once emotionally stable young resident didn't just turn into a melting pot of different emotions I surmise. I became a walking chaos to be more specific. I know that I must put an end to this.<br /></p><p>For 2010, I don't want to remain as the functional zombie. I want to live. I want to enjoy every single day of my existence in this institution. I was able to survive the past 10 months and I know that the next 14 months will be a breeze. I want to breathe and live everytime I wake up and drag myself to work. I want to savor every moment that I am with my patient. I want to relive that feeling of fulfillment for being able to make someone well. I miss that state. I miss that self of mine. I wish she'll resurface from where I left her. I wish I can fix this bug in my system. I want to live. I have to take my first breath. <br /></p></span><div class="blogger-post-footer">"Always a survivor...never a victim."</div>AngelMD-No-Morehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17199090682859269847noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19519081.post-52060029804495156792009-12-31T21:09:00.003+08:002013-03-13T01:26:49.870+08:00My 49 Things - Revisited<span style="color: silver;">After another year, here I am revisiting my entry for the past 2 years. I have already started my fellowship training and I felt that because of the time I've spent in the hospital, I haven't achieved a lot of things for this year. As I start to highlight my list however, I found out that I eliminated a good number of stuffs from my list!<br /><br />2009 has been good to me save for the depressive moments I've had because of my training. I am looking forward to a better year tomorrow. Already told myself not to worry and to stop predicting my future. I know that He only wants the best for me. Who am I to worry?<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Bro, let your will be done. For me, you're always the man! Thank you for everything. I couldnt ask for more.</span><br /><br />*the ones in pink were achieved this year!<br /><br />1. Go bungee jumping - still hoping! </span><br />
<span style="color: silver;">2. Go Skydiving - I'm not sure if there's one in Pampanga. I hope in 2010 this will be highlighted.hehe</span><br />
<span style="color: silver;"><span style="color: #ff99ff;">3.. Train in Neurology - hmmmm, change of plans...it's RHEUMATOLOGY. It's a subspec still.- i'm into my 2nd and last year!</span></span><br />
<span style="color: silver;"><span style="color: #ff99ff;">4. Train in US - PGH is the wiser choice as of this time...blame the economy.hehe - despite of living just on a stipend, at least i dont get hungry.hehehe</span></span><br />
<span style="color: silver;"><span style="background-color: #ffff66;">5. Buy an Ipod </span><br /><span style="background-color: #ffff66;">6. Get to Mindanao</span></span><span style="color: #33ff33;"><br />7. Tour around Asia - can I count 1 trip as "around Asia" already? At least I started the ball rolling this year.hehe</span><span style="color: silver;"><span style="color: #ff99ff;">...got a chance to go to Singapore this September!woohoo!</span><br />8. Own a house by the sea - a "kubo" will suffice so long as it's by the sea.<br />9. Go to Disneyland - free tickets anyone?hehe<br />10. Publish a book - would having a blog be considered? (same question as last year's...same question still for this year.)<br />11. Have a WOW Philippines tour - i want to start the ball rolling next year.hehe<br /><span style="background-color: #ff6666;">12. Sponsor a scholar</span><br /><span style="color: #ff99ff;">13. Serve the Missionaries of Charity - finally, I've done it! Got to visit the place several times before I left for training.</span><br />14. Go to Calcutta, India - after the bombing at Mumbai recently, I'm having a change of mind.hehe<br /><span style="color: #33ff33;">15. Learn to drive - already have my student permit. wink* wink*</span><br />16. Own a car - house? car? which comes first? Hmmm, I'll think about this once I'm done with subspecialization.hehe<br />17. Go to Batanes - not during stormy season.<br /><span style="color: #33ff33;">18. Go out on a real date</span><br />19. Do stargazing under the bora skies with someone special - hmmm, hopefully 2 years from now, this will be in highlight.<br /><span style="color: #33ff33;">20. Travel with someone special </span><br />21. Send my parents to a vacation - i mean a grand vacation. I have to win the lotto.<br /><span style="color: #33ff33;">22. Help send a sibling to school</span><br /><span style="color: #ff99ff;">23. Own a Canon SLR camera - once there's a handy and light-weight one.hehe - will having a sony cybershot T90 point and shoot cam count?hehe now at least I have a camera!</span><br />24. Go parasailing<br /><span style="background-color: #ffff66;">25. Be in two places at the same time</span><br />26. Write my autobiography - can a resume be counted as one?hehe<br /><span style="background-color: #ffff66;">27. Learn to swim</span><br /><span style="background-color: #ff6666;">28. Learn to ride a bike</span><br /><span style="background-color: white;">29. Go scuba diving</span><br /><span style="background-color: #ff6666;">30. Make a compilation of my pictures of sunsets</span><br /><span style="color: #33ff33;">31. Travel out of the country with my family - will travel with mom be considered "family?"</span><br /><span style="background-color: #ff6666;">32. Eat baskets of strawberries with salt</span><br /><span style="background-color: #ff6666;">33. Do someone a favor everyday</span><br /><span style="background-color: #ffff66;">34. Learn another dialect</span><br />35. Learn another language - french, spanish, italian, im still thinking<br />36. Meet the pope - i was at first referring to John Paul II - now we have a new pope!<br />37. Go to Rome<br />38. Ride a helicopter<br /><span style="color: #ff99ff;">39. Live on my own - INDEPENDENCE!!! I am now! it's not easy alright, but I am considering myself as ind</span><br /><span style="background-color: #ffff66;">40. Travel to new places on my own</span><br />41.Have a rooftop garden complete with landscaping - overlooking the sea...with a very nice sunset view? isn't it lovely?hehe<br />42. Buy my parents their golden wedding rings - bought them silver rings during their 25th year i hope i could buy them their rings on their 50th...=)<br /><span style="background-color: #ffff66;">43. Go white water rafting</span><br />44. Put up a foundation - my memorial foundation?=)<br /><span style="background-color: #ff6666;">45. Surprise someone</span><br /><span style="background-color: #ff6666;">46. Touch a life - i believe im doing this</span><br /><span style="color: #33ff33;">47. Write my last will</span><span style="color: #33ff33;">48. Fall deeply in love - hmmm took the risk - finally...hehe My head still rules my heart though.</span><span style="color: #33ff33;"><br />49. Commit without fear - still struggling on this one.</span></span><div class="blogger-post-footer">"Always a survivor...never a victim."</div>AngelMD-No-Morehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17199090682859269847noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19519081.post-82524635653074236722009-12-25T02:24:00.002+08:002009-12-25T02:31:58.744+08:00HomeAhhhhh I miss home! I miss my family, our dog, the couch, my bed, and of course, the dsl connection. I think I have to make up for the lost times of not being able to blog because of my crappy connection in Manila.<br /><br />For this Christmas, I really have a lot of things to be thankful for. For the gift of family, friends, and colleagues. For my career and training. For the gift of life and health. For morphine. I guess my thankfulness deserves another entry. For now, I just would like to say, "Thanks, Bro! You're the Man! Happy birthday!"<br /><br />Merry Christmas, everyone!<div class="blogger-post-footer">"Always a survivor...never a victim."</div>AngelMD-No-Morehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17199090682859269847noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19519081.post-4910506170086388982009-11-01T23:45:00.002+08:002009-11-02T00:33:27.002+08:00Selfless<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTOL0awmv1gEayOLudYVTv_OnNJFYqCTjRSa0tQxi-fiBERf8FDDgOmYFf0SlXWwxWugFberBorrM249USlLkm2zYaBU_j485N2jes7QST90pYQDuepnX47OSQD-nEgn5bM75rIQ/s1600-h/resized.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTOL0awmv1gEayOLudYVTv_OnNJFYqCTjRSa0tQxi-fiBERf8FDDgOmYFf0SlXWwxWugFberBorrM249USlLkm2zYaBU_j485N2jes7QST90pYQDuepnX47OSQD-nEgn5bM75rIQ/s400/resized.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5399173336860888210" border="0" /></a><div style="text-align: center;"><span xmlns=""><p><span style="font-size:85%;">(Hands of my Scleroderma patient)</span><br /></p></span></div><span xmlns=""><p>There's something about wives and mothers that make me admire them. I have great respect to them and I look at them with high regard. If I could just imagine all the things that they have to go through, I would be discouraged to follow them. I don't think that I have that strength, courage and selflessness that they possess. I don't think I could handle all the stresses and physical work that they deal with everyday. From dealing with husbands who sometimes act worse than their kids, to rearing children who sometimes forget to look back and be grateful once they could manage life on their own, these wives and mothers need to be recognized for their hard work. I sometimes even equate this hard work to "martyrdom."<br /></p><p>I realized that in the subspecialization where I am in, I am dealing with most of them. Rheumatology deals with autoimmune diseases and these encompass diseases like lupus, scleroderma, rheumatoid arthritis, etcetera. Majority of these diseases affect women of childbearing potential, like Lupus with an odds of 20:1. In other words, young wives and mothers who are all subject to stress in their everyday living are afflicted. Stress is actually one of the factors that could trigger such diseases. With all those patients I've seen in the Out-patient department, I always wonder what could have triggered their disease. A good research question actually that I would want to further investigate, but I've seen a good number who point to their works as the stressors – grade school teachers, nursing students, soldiers' wives. Ooops, these aren't based from studies or facts and I don't want to be quoted here. I just happen to observe this in the patients I've handled.<br /></p><p>I found my purpose. I was so interested in Psychiatry before and here I am, applying it to my patients in Rheumatology. These women no matter how strong they are needed someone to listen to them. They don't need my advice for they know better in life than I do. They don't need my words of comfort for I couldn't relate in the first place with what they are going through. They just wanted me to listen to them. To take their sentiments, concerns and pains without being judgmental. Ironic, but listening to them is therapeutic. It's not negative energy that they generate rather insights that I could also apply in my life. Listening to them made me admire them the more for their innate strength and unwavering faith. It's just that heroes that they are, they didn't want other people's help at first. They carried their stresses and handled them alone. Their spirits were great but their bodies just gave up. The reason why they succumbed to their diseases.<br /></p><p>Finally, I'm starting to find light in this training program. The daily routine that I have with work now makes sense. I have been selfish for the past months I guess that I centered my vision on myself alone. I have been whining about my training and I never felt happy about it. It is only after I found my purpose that I realize that this is where I am really called. I just have to let go of my selfishness and just like my patients, be selfless. These unsung heroes who are now weakened by their disease need someone to lift their dampened spirits. They have carried their loads long enough and they need not just a doctor who shall prescribe them with their medications. They need a doctor who could help them unload their burden, minimize their stresses and mobilize their family support. Yep! The latter is also included in our job description. We talk with their families and ask them too for support. After all, this is the only thing that their families could do in return for the selfless heroes.<br /></p><p>In Rheumatology, I realized that my patients aren't just my teachers who translate my written textbook into real life. These patients are also my heroes. Heroes I look up to for their courage, strength and faith. Heroes I could emulate for their selfless acts of love for their families. As a Rheumatologist, this I believe is my lifetime advocacy. To help fight their diseases with them.</p></span><div class="blogger-post-footer">"Always a survivor...never a victim."</div>AngelMD-No-Morehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17199090682859269847noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19519081.post-74786568808600223812009-10-28T22:58:00.001+08:002009-10-28T22:58:47.390+08:00Realigning<span xmlns=''><p>After almost eight months, I'm still having a difficulty coping with the stresses and difficulties of fellowship training. The intermittent episodes of unhappiness with my work still happen. At times, I couldn't find the real purpose of my being a physician for the routine work that I have here makes things ordinary and boring. Could it be because I am already at the end of the referral system that all I get to see are cases that pertain only to my subspecialty? Gout here, Lupus there, and a variety of osteoarthritis and rheumatoid arthritis, include the confusing and difficult cases that can't be explained by other subspecialties which they thought can be explained by a Rheumatologist. The mental gymnastics that I am doing everyday at work must be sounding fun and challenging, not. There is something lacking I believe and I'm still in a quest for it.<br /></p><p>Despite helping residents in managing their cases or seeing patients at the out-patient department, I still feel inadequate. Despite reaching this far in the hierarchy of the medical profession, I still feel unfulfilled. I miss that feeling as an intern when I get to be called as "doctor" in our medical missions in the far-flung areas of the country and I miss that feeling of "acting" as doctor to those patients I've seen. There's no substitute to the feeling of a young resident who gets to send her patient home, improved and well after pulling his/her other leg out of the grave. Now as a subspecialist, and a certified doctor at that, I wonder why I can no longer feel that fulfillment, that happiness that I used to experience?<br /></p><p>Am I on the right track? Did I choose the right subspecialty or the right institution? All the ingredients that are needed for the making of a good physician and a good specialist are found here I guess but there seems to be one lacking ingredient. I love my specialty and this hospital where I am in is a big library of learning. Yet, I'm still trying to figure out this single ingredient that could make the perfect recipe. I'm still trying to discover what could return my enthusiasm back to my chosen field. <br /></p><p>I need a dose of adrenaline. I need a breath of fresh air. I need to mingle with a different group of people. Maybe that's what I need. Maybe if I'll be given a chance to get out of the four walls this hospital and be able to see other patients, I might find my purpose again. A break in the routine and ordinary stuffs might just do the trick. What if it doesn't? What if this will never happen?<br /></p><p>Tomorrow's another day at the out-patient department. I'll get to see familiar patients some of whom I already know their life's story. A number of them has opened up to me and has poured out concerns that are irrelevant to their disease. Yet I patiently listened to them. I know that I did for I get to remember every detail. Most of them come back feeling better than their previous follow up. Their non-medical-concerns still existent but their medical problems no longer bothering them. They are well so they claimed. Thankful for the medicines that I prescribed, but more thankful for hearing them out.<br /></p><p>I think I'm starting to find my purpose again within the walls of my so called prison. If I may not be given the chance to be free for the next 16 months, at least I found my purpose. Subspecialty level isn't just about being good at managing complicated cases I suppose. As a subspecialist, I feel that there's a need for me to probe deeper in my patient's cases, to be connected, to reach out, to be receptive. These patients I'm seeing have been to general practitioners and they were not given the chance to speak their cases because of the voluminous patients waiting for them to finish. As a subspecialist, I could spend a little more time on them. I think this is my purpose. Not just to cure but to listen. <br /></p><p>A patient of mine affirmed me this. I know it's not the medicine I've prescribed that made her better for my colleagues will be giving the same medications if she ended up to any one of them. She approached me before I started seeing my assigned patients and requested that I should be the one to see her. She was assigned to a colleague of mine and I took her chart as requested. After our consultation was done, she left teary-eyed,saying<em>,"Salamat po talaga dok sa pakikinig. Sana ikaw lagi ang titingin sa akin. Makita pa lang kita gumagaling na ako." </em>I was speechless. I felt fulfilled…fulfilled as the young intern who acted as a real doctor…fulfilled as the restless resident who just snatched a patient from death.</p></span><div class="blogger-post-footer">"Always a survivor...never a victim."</div>AngelMD-No-Morehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17199090682859269847noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19519081.post-68583191727973403982009-09-26T12:12:00.002+08:002009-09-26T13:09:24.223+08:00His Own Perfect TimeI miss this blog and i miss posting something in here. It's just soooo perfect to post something worth sharing. You know after all my absence, I think it's fair to post something light and inspirational...i hope.<br /><br />It's raining cats and dogs out there. I am alone for the weekend, homesick, bf-sick and literally sick. Yep! You've got it right. The doctor is sick. I'm nursing a flu and it's during these times that I miss Dr. Mom's magic touch. I wondered how that mentholated formula that mom would rub on my back and chest when I was young would take away my flu in no time. I never read that in my medical books and it was very effective for me.<br /><br />Despite of the weather and being sick though, I wondered why I don't feel down. These times are enough to make me feel melancholic especially during PMS attacks. Maybe my hormones are in balance right now or maybe, I just feel sooo blessed to ever let myself go down in the dumps and be sorry for my current state. Bad things have been happening lately and yet even if they happened simultaneously, the Great Architect had His way to make things appear perfect. His grace has sustained me for the whole 7 months of my training and I couldnt thank Him more for that.<br /><br />What's more? Things happen in His perfect timing. He sends in people, songs, movies, events or even just the rain to help me in my decisions. I could enumerate some of it and remembering them made me realize that the worrier-me need not worry anymore. Everything's all accounted for so what's the fuss of overthinking?<br /><br />1. I'm running out of cash and i hate to withdraw from my savings account. I'm on my 7th month of training and yet I havent received my stipend yet like the other fellows. I've heard a number of cofellows who have been asking about it and I heard no good news. After all the toxicity, I'm on the verge of quitting. Strange however for yesterday, the first time that I called up the payroll section (i didnt sound desperate about the stipend and I'm sure of that.hehe), I heard the "bestest" news that I wanted to hear. I was already included in it! Now, I get to pay my parents for my loan and I get to buy the stuffs I've been wanting. Wohoo! After seven months of famine and 8 lbs lighter, I finally got paid.hehe<br /><br />2. My PMS attack plus my runaway gf sickness accompanied by my toxicity at work made me unsecure in my relationship. I wanted to find solace by thinking that should I break away from the relationship, I can find it. Good thing morphine isnt that fickle-minded as I am. He didnt let go of me when i was slipping away. Several times have I attempted to run but things have been happening to keep me still. Consultants, a TV series or just a mere forwarded text, they all told me of one thing. Be still. Stay, behave, have faith, keep loving, savor the moment. The best advice came from my source of wisdom though, mom. Knowing how she adores Morphine after knowing him well and knowing how she supports our relationship, I had another reason to stay.<br /><br />3. The rain, my flu, my homesickness, they all remind me that it's nice to be alone. It's during this time when I can find true solace and not from running away. It's during this time when I can meditate on my life, my goals and my future. For me to be thankful of all my blessings that I forgot to thank for.<br /><br />Sometimes, I am an ingrate. My being too self-absorbed would remind me of my sorry state. I failed to realize that I am existing and surviving life's challenges because His grace has been overflowing and it never failed to sustain me.<br /><br /><br /><span style="font-size:130%;">"The will of God will never take you where the <span class="yshortcuts" id="lw_1253933872_1">Grace of God</span> will not protect you."<br /><span style="font-size:85%;">-from a forwarded email</span></span><div class="blogger-post-footer">"Always a survivor...never a victim."</div>AngelMD-No-Morehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17199090682859269847noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19519081.post-19800129718701455272009-07-25T17:14:00.006+08:002009-07-25T18:12:01.474+08:00Housekeeping!I'm finally cleaning up this blog. I realized that my last entry was way back in may and I haven't posted anything after it. Blame my internet connection. I just don't have the patience and the luxury of time to wait for my pages to load. Smart bro is just so crappy here in my area. Now done with my rationalization, wondering why I'm posting something now?<br /><br />1. My apartment-mate lent me her sun broadband. She's on unlimited access and I'm currently enjoying it now. Might be slower than pldt dsl, but boy is it faster than smart bro!<br /><br />2. I have a number of tasks to fulfill for this weekend. I have a reporting due next week, another presentation for our lupus patients, clinical abstracts of patients to type, souvenir program for the section's upcoming activity to edit, clothes to iron, comfort and bedroom to clean. The list goes on and yet, I don't have the drive doing them.<br /><br />3. We have a fellows' quarterly exam the week after next and it will cover almost everything about our subspecialty. Yep! It feels like going back to medical school again. I still haven't read on a certain topic yet actually. Just like medical school too, I fall asleep everytime I start reading on something. Tsk tsk poor little ol' me.<br /><br />You see, once I'm toxic with work, there's nowhere in the world where I will run to but this blog! After months of being idle, my toxicity once again pushed me to hit on the keyboards. I need to clean up this blog after it accumulated dusts and cobwebs. So long as my internet connection is as slow as a snail however, I can never tell when I'll do my housekeeping again.<br /><br />----<br /><br />By the way, I'm a mom now. I just can't help but post the pics of my baby. Isn't she pretty?=)<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7hBboJf2DnEzWRcm4cBJIrUL_1lmXBEPnI2Po64YjK2Lcv-e0cKew5NYNFPFmt4S3HGfFEVFyv72mJmiWLL5S4s6_QFzPNQ4aRrj9stXF-V0XOQLkPelZ0W6-sKx1yrRUhHHiaA/s1600-h/DSC03832.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7hBboJf2DnEzWRcm4cBJIrUL_1lmXBEPnI2Po64YjK2Lcv-e0cKew5NYNFPFmt4S3HGfFEVFyv72mJmiWLL5S4s6_QFzPNQ4aRrj9stXF-V0XOQLkPelZ0W6-sKx1yrRUhHHiaA/s400/DSC03832.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5362333919927690114" border="0" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqzRe_lyZqPDDb6GL5xGLDp15CQjXPbwVn5-Zo4jFoSYe3JnWgC3qRKqXVamOEJG0jlfdrz51rqzq3MmewPo0uV-N6JcbxDj8LfGGOtg4CW4rbrVLb9hzm8jBGPoppsJ6c7hLVbA/s1600-h/DSC03852.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqzRe_lyZqPDDb6GL5xGLDp15CQjXPbwVn5-Zo4jFoSYe3JnWgC3qRKqXVamOEJG0jlfdrz51rqzq3MmewPo0uV-N6JcbxDj8LfGGOtg4CW4rbrVLb9hzm8jBGPoppsJ6c7hLVbA/s400/DSC03852.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5362334420106959250" border="0" /></a>She's born out of my terminal pay from my previous hospital. I didn't realize that all those sick leaves and privileges that I wasn't able to enjoy during residency will bear fruit.=)<br /><br />----<br />In addition, just when all fellows are not considered as hospital employees here, I was just "lucky" enough to be chosen as one of the 6 fellows who will be provided with a stipend by the hospital, instead of the usual drug company sponsorship. In exchange, I'll be returning my service to the government once I'm back in Bacolod, which for me is no big deal. Service was the main reason why I pursued this profession in the first place. Anyway, what I have just realized for now is that, I think I'm bound with the government for life!hehe<div class="blogger-post-footer">"Always a survivor...never a victim."</div>AngelMD-No-Morehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17199090682859269847noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19519081.post-18809438980757311472009-05-17T22:56:00.002+08:002009-05-17T23:12:39.081+08:00Reserved<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-GB">No matter how toxic I may be in my current state, I always see to it that I never miss my date with my first love. Morphine knows that he’s my first “official” bf.<span style=""> </span>I however emphasized that he’s not my first “love” and that I’m still not over with my first. He was just understanding enough to let me go out on a date with my first love. Let me call him JC.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p></o:p>When I came to this jungle, I’m just lucky enough to have found an apartment near our meeting place. Every Sunday, first Fridays of the month, whenever my schedule would allow, I meet up with JC. We would then have lunch or dinner together. It’s different to be alone with him that everytime I’m back to my place, I have this feeling of happiness and contentment. Yep! Despite of all the pressures and toxicities that I have with work.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p></o:p>One thing that I have observed and that I have once again proven today is that JC’s never late in our dates. There’s this spot in our meeting place that remains unoccupied no matter how filled it was. He reserves a seat for me. By the way, we hear mass together and that spot I’m referring to is a seat in the church. The spot is just so comfortable for it’s right beside the wall fan, away from noisy kids and bf-gf’s who don’t spare the church for their pda’s. I knew that it’s reserved for me for no matter how crowded the church is, and even if that 6<sup>th</sup> seat from the door at the left of the altar is almost full, the “spot” reserved for me remains unoccupied. <span style=""> </span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p></o:p>JC reserves not just a seat for me in the church.<span style=""> </span>For everything that’s happening to me in this jungle where I am in, I know that he too has reserved a space for me in His heart. It’s just proper for me not to forget my first love for he too never forgets me. Every time I'm in need of something or someone, JC's always there to the rescue. Every time I miss my family or Morphine, JC's there for me to talk with. Nothing beats your first love should I say.<br /></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p></o:p>By the way, I just would like to make things clear. I’m not in any way violating the rules of being in a committed relationship. JC and Morphine are friends.<span style=""> </span>It was even JC who endorsed my heart to Morphine. <span style=""></span>I’m just too lucky to have both guys at the same time.hehehe</span></p><div class="blogger-post-footer">"Always a survivor...never a victim."</div>AngelMD-No-Morehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17199090682859269847noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19519081.post-77988520527718761252009-05-06T00:02:00.000+08:002009-05-06T00:05:25.125+08:00The Crybaby Looks Back<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-GB">The crybaby once again got teary-eyed last night.<span style=""> </span>Thanks to my seatmates for I was able to stop those tears from falling.<span style=""> </span>For yesterday marked another milestone in my career as a physician.<span style=""> </span>We had our oath taking as diplomates in my specialty.<span style=""> </span>After four years of toxic residency training that did not just test my competence and knowledge as a physician but my psyche and physical capacity as well, I was finally recognized and welcomed to the world of my competent mentors.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p></o:p>While listening to the speakers, I was having a flashback of my life.<span style=""> </span>I could remember the time when my mom reprimanded me for leaving an important document at home when we were about to enrol in a private high school in town.<span style=""> </span>Little did I know that this petty memory gap would open big doors of opportunities for a young dreamer like me. If I remembered to bring that grade school report card (Yep! I forgot to bring my report card for enrolment…tee-hee!), I must have been in that school instead.<span style=""> </span>So with a twist of fate, I was admitted in the high school where green abounds. Okay, I am a La Sallian at heart and I’m proud of it. I was accepted as an academic scholar and this became an impetus for me to keep reaching for<span style=""> </span>that childhood dream of becoming a doctor – no matter how impossible.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p></o:p>Another twist of fate happened when I was about to pursue my college degree.<span style=""> </span>I was already enrolled in a state university for a degree in Biology.<span style=""> </span>This would however entail me of being away from<span style=""> </span>my family since the school is an island away from home. <span style=""> </span>After several nights of crying over this concern in secret (I did not want to let my parents know that I would want to withdraw from the university), the crybaby’s tears were wiped away.<span style=""> </span>Home from the Wednesday mass, mom asked me if I would really want to be in the said university.<span style=""> </span>I just answered her with my tears.<span style=""> </span>These were enough to tell her that the voice she heard in her prayers during the mass was right. I am meant to stay in my hometown for college. Truly, I was once again readmitted in my alma mater as a scholar.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p></o:p>Choosing my medical school was another dilemma. Sending a child to medical school is no joke for a couple with no stable business. The crybaby however has this faith as big as a mustard seed in her pocket.<span style=""> </span>I took a chance in another greeney school away from home.<span style=""> </span>I did not want to let history repeat itself again.<span style=""> </span>With a leap of faith, I left home, applied for a scholarship and was once again accepted and was able to maintain it until I graduated.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p></o:p>I couldn’t remember a time that I would like to quit or give up when I was studying no matter how tough times were. Yes I would cry at the end of every school year afraid that I might not be able to maintain my scholarship.<span style=""> </span>These worries however were just meant to wet my eyes and add a little spice to my life.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p></o:p>Used to responsibilities and hardwork, eldest that I am, internship was a breeze for me.<span style=""> </span>I was just surprised to see myself reviewing for the medical board exam.<span style=""> </span>Finally, after passing that big hurdle in my career, I was introduced to the real world. The world of training.<span style=""> </span>The world where I was able to test my competence and my capacity.<span style=""> </span>The world that made me doubt my faith at times. </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p></o:p>This blog has been witness to those whinings when I was in training. Let this blog too bear witness to my thankfulness for having survived those four looooong toxic years. Last night marked the<span style=""> </span>culmination of such challenge.<span style=""> </span>I was not just certified as a diplomate.<span style=""> </span>I was certified as a survivor as well.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-GB">At present, I am now in another chapter of my training.<span style=""> </span>Fellowship is quite harder and more difficult than the past four years.<span style=""> </span>Aside of course from not being compensated for the said hardwork. I even have plans to change my heading.<span style=""> </span>Due however to lack of time, poor internet connection and once again the desire to be out of the hospital everyday for the next two years, “The Doctor is Out” is still apt to represent my trash bin. </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p></o:p>I’ve been posting my trash here.<span style=""> </span>It’s just appropriate that I post something to clean up the trash by posting something light and inspirational.<span style=""> </span>Something to tell the whole world that despite of the hardships and trials that we encounter in our lives, there’s always something that we should be thankful about. I guess by that time that I shall be receiving my certificate as a fellow, those tears that I kept from flowing last night will no longer hide.<span style=""> </span>I might be crying buckets of it but I will no longer care. I must not be ashamed to tell the world through those tears how BLESSED AND LOVED I AM.</span></p><div class="blogger-post-footer">"Always a survivor...never a victim."</div>AngelMD-No-Morehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17199090682859269847noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19519081.post-19694060944296314922009-04-03T19:52:00.001+08:002009-04-07T20:09:14.282+08:00The Cost of TrainingToday, I'm adding another year into my earthly existence. Happy birthday to me...not. As others look forward to their birthdays, this year, I dreaded for this day to come. As it is about to end four hours from now, i can say that this is the worst or shall we say the saddest birthday I had. I might have spent several birthdays away from home when I was in medical school but this day's different. Not even my current housemates know that it's my day today.<br /><br />Is this the cost of training? I might say that this is good for just two years but just a month old in training already made me ask myself if I am threading in the right path. People my age who aren't doctors in profession are already married by this time. Doctors I know who are in a relationship or who are single are in a hurry to get hitched. Here's my morphine on the other hand who directly or indirectly been bugging me about the getting hitched thing - though without the engagement ring yet. (The reason why I'm not taking him seriously.) Him, bringing up the topic on getting married however make me feel that I am quite abnormal for at present, I am putting this training in the front seat with me. Other girlfriends have been waiting for years for their boyfriends to talk about this thing yet here I am, sounding so defensive.<br /><br />As a consequence of this training, I am celebrating my birthday alone. Away from my family, away from my friends, away from my morphine and I AM NOT happy. Calls aren't enough to wash away the loneliness. I am never this way. I have never been this pathetic. I don't know but when I am in the hospital, I seem to like my job. I love the subspecialty I'm training in. When I enter into an empty room though in my apartment, I realize how alone I am in this jungle I am in. Dog eats dog. Noone seems to care for anybody. Everyone seems mechanical and academic to me. Everyone is in quest for knowledge and learning. Not a warm single soul. I don't know, or this could be just a product of my altered perception.<br /><br />Here are some reasons why this is the saddest birthday I had. At least, I couldn't blame my PMS for feeling this way because of these factors: I AM SPENDING THIS BIRTHDAY...<br /> 1. away from home<br /> 2. away from my morphine<br /> 3. without my friends<br /> 4. sick...literally, the doctor is sick for two days now<br /> 5. with people i just knew and worked with<br /> 6. in a place like Manila<br /> 7. on a Friday of Lent which for us Catholics is a day of...FASTING! Great!<br /><br />Well, aren't these points valid enough for me to whine in this blog? What a good post to share with friends who missed reading them.hehe<br /><br />This too shall pass. This too shall pass. This I have always to remember. I'm sure this too shall pass once this PMS is over.hehe<div class="blogger-post-footer">"Always a survivor...never a victim."</div>AngelMD-No-Morehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17199090682859269847noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19519081.post-8787682136048566112009-02-22T23:04:00.000+08:002009-02-22T23:08:24.048+08:00The AppealI WAS a self-confessed cry baby. I cried over sappy movies. I cried everytime my parents would reprimand me for a wrong doing. I cried over small stuffs. All these I admit were happening in the past. As I grew older and became more mature in experience, I learned to control my tear dams. I learned to choose the things that deserve my precious tears. I still am a cry baby – a more disciplined cry baby. Disciplined for I only let my tears dams open when I’m alone. I only cry when noone is watching.<br /><br />This is not a sappy post. It’s just that recently, I always cry myself to sleep. PMS? Geez! It’s too early to implicate my monthly PMS again. Homesickness? Nah! I don’t think I am that homesick that I would cry over it. Lovelife related? Not even. I might miss my Morphine but not enough to let my tear ducts function. Toxicity with work? I can’t remember a time that toxicity with work would put me into tears.<br /><br />Brace yourselves. I don’t want to sound preachy here but there’s just one thing that break my tears dam open. Yep! Even in public. What more when I’m alone? Every time I remember how blessed I am, I can’t help but cry. Every time I remember those answered prayers, I would always feel this painful thing in my chest that can only be relieved by crying. This is how shallow I am.<br /><br />Now, is this rationalization again enough why I wanted a place to stay here in Manila where I could be alone? You see, most of the places here offer bed spaces and I’m not really used to this kind of set-up especially if I will be sleeping with a stranger. My autism requires a place where I could be on my own. I could cry without someone wondering what’s happening to me. Where I could cry without someone sympathizing for what I’m feeling for in reality, I cry out of gratefulness and happiness and not of something worth sympathizing.<br /><br />I’m soooo comfortable in this apartment where I am in right now. I’m staying here for free but the place is just too big for me and the actual rent if the owner is not my friend, costs almost all of my monthly stipend (which might come soon and when I say soon, 6 months from now would be the earliest.hehehe) Maybe tonight I could cry over this concern. I would ask the Great Architect to give me a very good place to stay. If He’s going to let me stay in this place, then may He touch the owner to let me rent this place at a very cheap price. I am just a poor fellow. Other general practitioners earn way way better than I do. I believe that I’m too loved by Him though that He can’t help but grant this petty request of mine.<br /><br />***<br /><br />Actually, this is an appeal to my dear friend (you know who you are). I would even want to provide a link here to his blog. For privacy reasons though, I decided not to. He reads my posts and I know he can read this. You’ll know who he is if he can’t help but leave a comment in my comment box.hehe<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Dear friend, have a heart. Do me good and you’ll have good karma all your life.haha How’s our deal going? Can I hear a yes? *wink wink*</span><div class="blogger-post-footer">"Always a survivor...never a victim."</div>AngelMD-No-Morehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17199090682859269847noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19519081.post-18339557797661822822009-02-18T23:59:00.003+08:002009-02-19T00:47:23.043+08:00Prayer TimeIt's my 3rd day in training today. I can say that I'm slowly adapting to the system though my legs are complaining already. At present, though I'm making rounds with lesser patients than when I was having my residency training, I'm making rounds in a hospital that's almost 5x the area than the hospital where I came from. I checked earlier how my legs look now. I'm happy to announce that they haven't turned from legs into "logs" yet. When I say logs, they look straight, complete with varicosities. I've got short legs and I couldn't imagine how ugly they'll look if they turn into logs.<br /><br />I find time to let these legs rest while watching the news and the rest of the primetime dramas. As an expert in multi-tasking too, I use this time to browse on my notes and read up on some topics in my fave book (who else but Morphine's only competitor - Harrison). I have no subspecialty book yet so I'm once again bonding with Harrison.<br /><br />After this, I proceed with my "prayer time". Multi-tasking again, my prayer time is coupled with another task...<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSjBV5eZknUZ_ChckhYAU4cYtJ-gyYdyBymCe1DECMMSLS88wP-2JL2OUWVDqnyPljs3vxjXhejmp5PCU6HObkWEz-F9M8eF8vS0s1aVOzJTqUgC_mL_ymwrhHYFunFMFv4BPUsQ/s1600-h/DSC03642.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSjBV5eZknUZ_ChckhYAU4cYtJ-gyYdyBymCe1DECMMSLS88wP-2JL2OUWVDqnyPljs3vxjXhejmp5PCU6HObkWEz-F9M8eF8vS0s1aVOzJTqUgC_mL_ymwrhHYFunFMFv4BPUsQ/s400/DSC03642.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5304174267461690386" border="0" /></a><br />Yep yep! I'm doing my own laundry!!! Mom would be very proud of me once she gets to find this out!hehe I left the comforts of our home for this training and since I'm in a tight budget, I find it wiser if I do the laundry myself. Also, I'm too proud to ask allowance from my parents in this age of mine that I have to live with the meager savings that I have. I guess I've formulated enough rationalizations for not being able to find a nearby laundry shop.hehe<br /><br />Seriously, I consider this as an achievement too! I wouldn't dare "wash my dirty linens in public"...I mean post about this laundry thing if I'm not proud of what I'm doing.hehehe Though I know how to do the laundry and ironing, I grew up having someone to do these for me. This opportunity right now of living on my own gave me this feeling of "independence and freedom" and this feeling is giving me a high. It's like I could do the extremes. I can be a doctor and an "inday" at the same time. I can diagnose and manage complicated patient's diseases and I too can scrub and squeeze-dry my clothes.<br /><br />Doing the laundry is a new destressor for me. In between praying and washing, I get to reflect on the events of the day. I get to reflect on my toxicity and at the same time on my blessings. I get to think about my plans in the future and pray about them. I think about the special people who are sent into my life to help me grow and to enjoy life. I tend to forget how tired I was during the day for I still can manage to do my laundry. I also realize that I'm too blessed still despite of my depreciating bank account. Anytime, I can always look for a laundry shop to do my laundry for me. Yet, we have sisters or brothers who can never pass on the job even if they no longer want to do it. These thoughts are enough to help make me feel better and give me a goodnight sleep.<div class="blogger-post-footer">"Always a survivor...never a victim."</div>AngelMD-No-Morehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17199090682859269847noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19519081.post-21348799248428844022009-02-17T00:12:00.002+08:002009-02-17T00:32:41.675+08:00Surviving Day 1There are too many things to talk about. Too many stories and experiences to tell about my 1st day in my prefellowship training but I ran out of words to describe them. Truth be told but people say that the subspecialty I chose is one of the benign ones. I'm just wondering though if it's just my toxicity or it's but normal to experience this for a first timer like me. I feel so overwhelmed...so toxic. There's just one thing that I'm very thankful for...I SURVIVED day 1!<br /><br />If this blog will once again collect dust and cobwebs, It meant I'm struggling with my current training and still juggling with my time. I shall be coming back though. This is my trash bin remember? I'll surely be unloading my trash here in order to maintain my sanity.hehehe<div class="blogger-post-footer">"Always a survivor...never a victim."</div>AngelMD-No-Morehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17199090682859269847noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19519081.post-29196573514326199892009-02-15T20:21:00.003+08:002009-02-15T23:22:26.470+08:00RepaidI'm supposed to post this yesterday. Due to limited load though, I decided to call off the plan. I can't help but to really blog about how I was repaid for something I did. It was quite strange but that's how I perceived everything that happened.<br /><br />So I left Bacolod for Manila yesterday. Since I'll be staying here for quite some time, I brought my cabinet with me...well, almost. I've had a difficulty which clothes to leave and which ones to bring that I had a hard time letting all of my stuffs fit in two traveling bags. I realized that I'm not going to a remote area and that I could buy stuffs that I'll be needing anytime in Manila. Despite this, I knew that my stuffs exceeded the free baggage allocation of the airline I'm taking. I went online to check if I still could avail of their prepaid excess baggage promo that's 20% less than the airport's rate. It was no longer available though.<br /><br />True to my estimate, I had an excess of 9 kilograms. The current rate for excess baggages nowadays is 100php/kg. In short, I have to shell out 900 freaking bucks! Was about to pay the counter when someone from behind me came upfront and offered me his ticket. He has no baggage he said and he assumed my excess baggage. Boy was I relieved! In appreciation for what he did I offered to buy him coffee instead. Even if I'll spend more than a hundred bucks for coffee, that's nothing compared to the amount that I'm supposed to pay the airline company.<br /><br />He was at first hesitant but I was persistent. I was very grateful for what he just did. While having coffee and during the middle of our conversation, he offered me a book to read. I was surprised with what I saw...<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6L5uTnMnEFoOucgMCX6WyhwSYx-FsMeb3amMBuLveHEnfTAs2-NpjVoFhjc2kESI3oKuqYSlhtt65g_2zLIK1HQEPTnDwHKdVKtVqY4HcNHDhMet_sF4LYE6luM-HrLMEJZ9ozg/s1600-h/fefb_1.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 138px; height: 200px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6L5uTnMnEFoOucgMCX6WyhwSYx-FsMeb3amMBuLveHEnfTAs2-NpjVoFhjc2kESI3oKuqYSlhtt65g_2zLIK1HQEPTnDwHKdVKtVqY4HcNHDhMet_sF4LYE6luM-HrLMEJZ9ozg/s400/fefb_1.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5303039112653865282" border="0" /></a><br />Mother Teresa's face smiling at me! Strange but I'm thinking that Mother Teresa must have repaid my services through the man I met! I visited the Missionaries of Charity's "home" the day before I left for Manila for another free clinic. The sisters promised to pray for me and their prayers where immediately answered. What I did was I guess no longer a free clinic at all. My professional fee cost 900 bucks to be more exact converted to a free excess baggage fee!hehehe<div class="blogger-post-footer">"Always a survivor...never a victim."</div>AngelMD-No-Morehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17199090682859269847noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19519081.post-73485426637143074142009-02-15T00:11:00.006+08:002009-02-15T00:55:03.712+08:00Woohoo!<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggqMQjDGOybkmkkMgtFLDoKxrrdMFIb5_-E4orFZx6BWYN5_MT24ZVUOu0KEZaElFkFOOSuX-OHSSNH5KYW6oBaO84efw8HfLQBoPoUsePi35OaHFiv3NCK38xlgLpjCo-RIPA9A/s1600-h/15022009.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggqMQjDGOybkmkkMgtFLDoKxrrdMFIb5_-E4orFZx6BWYN5_MT24ZVUOu0KEZaElFkFOOSuX-OHSSNH5KYW6oBaO84efw8HfLQBoPoUsePi35OaHFiv3NCK38xlgLpjCo-RIPA9A/s400/15022009.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5302696183311473474" border="0" /></a><br />I'm blogging live in Manila!hehehe I'm staying in an apartment without a wireless network and no internet connection. So I went to the mall this afternoon to buy a prepaid internet kit. Unfortunately, or I shall call it FORTUNATELY, the ATM machines had long queues. Also, since it's the day of hearts, the mall was so crowded and it made me sick. Impatient that I am, I didn't push thru with my "impulsive" plan of buying the said kit. Besides, I've been roaming around the mall and almost got lost but I haven't found a store selling the kit I was looking for. Things must have happened for a purpose.<br /><br />Since I still can't sleep and I miss the cyberworld (addict eto!), the autistic me thought of an idea. Ting! Why not try use my cellfone as a modem? Since I have a prepaid number, I tried using it. I'm afraid that I might not be able to monitor my internet consumption should I use my postpaid line.<br /><br />I love troubleshooting stuffs and so far, I haven't put something or someone in trouble by tinkering on techie stuffs I'm not familiar with. There's a different adrenaline rush when I can solve and fix things on my own first before asking for professional help.hehehe Tinker here...tinker there...click this button here eventhough I can't understand some of the jargons. They're not found in any medical books you know. Click OK even if I don't understand the command, etcetera and Tadaaaan! My eyes widened when I saw my active connection! I was able to successfully connect to the internet and post this blog! This saved me more than 2,000 bucks for an internet prepaid kit! Read my lips...that's two thousand bucks and that's how big savings it is for a bum like me!hehe<br /><br />I'm sooooooooooo happy for this new discovery! Woohoo! One disadvantage though. I'm in a hurry posting this blog. I only have a few pesos in my prepaid load and I don't have any idea until when this connection will last.hehehe<div class="blogger-post-footer">"Always a survivor...never a victim."</div>AngelMD-No-Morehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17199090682859269847noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19519081.post-87793066478829505902009-02-12T07:44:00.002+08:002009-02-12T08:59:48.943+08:00He is Faithful<span style="font-style: italic;">"I alone know the plans I have for you. Plans to bring you prosperity and not disaster. Plans to bring about the future you hope for. Jer. 29:11"</span><br /><br />This, I kept on repeating to myself before I slept last night. I have been blogging about the agony of waiting for my exam result. Today, I woke up with the news that will determine my future. The softdrink can was right...err I mean, He (who talked to me through that can) was right. THERE IS NO PLAN B!<br /><br />For all the prayers and support, thank you very much. This post is for the Great Architect upstairs who has been faithful to me all along even if I am not to Him. I couldn't thank Him more for all the blessings that really overwhelm me each time. Our Department Chairman told me that only 22% passed the said exam. The lowest ever according to him. To quote Santino though in MBP (May Bukas Pa)..."maniwala ka lang." I was a doubting Thomas I guess or maybe I don't want to be too complacent that's why I was anxious. Today, I woke up with a sigh of big relief. I'm overwhelmed for I MADE IT!<br /><br />To Bro (the Great Architect's nickname), I'm giving you back all the Glory! Thank you po!<div class="blogger-post-footer">"Always a survivor...never a victim."</div>AngelMD-No-Morehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17199090682859269847noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19519081.post-37608897639615999072009-02-10T23:29:00.005+08:002009-02-11T03:08:53.480+08:00Cent-imentsToday's another milestone in my medical career. For today, I received my first professional fee as a private practitioner! Woohoot! After a week's work, the surgical patient I'm co-managing is already for discharge so the pf. It's not that much. It's just like earning cents compared to what I was previously earning every month. I would even be eligible for tax exemption for earning the minimum wage. This first pf though has a sentimental value for the following reasons:<br /><br />1. It's a proof to what I've been claiming to my parents that should I become a doctor, I may not get rich but I'll never grow hungry. <br />2. It's my gauge of the kind of service that I delivered to my patient. The real fee that she has prepared for me was actually twice the said amount. It was even her who gave me the price of my services. I politely refused to receive it in full. It was enough that she overestimated the monetary value of my patient care. <br />3. It made me feel fulfilled once again. The amount I received didn't matter. It made me feel more fulfilled as a physician seeing my patient improved and ready to go home to her family.<br />4. In short, it is an affirmation that treating the sick was the main driving force when I took this path. The pf's or salaries I'll be getting for my services will be considered as bonuses or prizes to myself for a job well done. <br />5. It's another manifestation of what Divine Providence is all about.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEifSgXqTwbrZ-b24oGC9sTYqdKOF2tNgOTH_buFCoUoKRGqe_E5fLzl-1h-GHwUZPfmRLUfCKs-2img-IGQA1IqWgDqTZCRr3vJ7IvmscCRehlOzHo4PGSpfil8ZlSy_IV1GFZl_g/s1600-h/DSC03585.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEifSgXqTwbrZ-b24oGC9sTYqdKOF2tNgOTH_buFCoUoKRGqe_E5fLzl-1h-GHwUZPfmRLUfCKs-2img-IGQA1IqWgDqTZCRr3vJ7IvmscCRehlOzHo4PGSpfil8ZlSy_IV1GFZl_g/s400/DSC03585.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5301198441798944306" border="0" /></a><br />Believe it or not, I'm supposed to laminate it.hehehe Okaaay I'm exaggerating. It occupies a good place in my wallet now. Bound not to be spent no matter what. If I don't, I'll surely never run out of cash in my wallet...now this makes them as my lucky bills.hehehe<div class="blogger-post-footer">"Always a survivor...never a victim."</div>AngelMD-No-Morehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17199090682859269847noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19519081.post-20933163627509553032009-02-09T20:34:00.003+08:002009-02-09T21:07:43.671+08:00It's In the CanTwo weeks have passed since I took the diplomate board exam. Still, I am uncertain about the result of the said exam that I've been putting all my plans on hold. Am I really meant for subspecialization training or should I take a rest and have a time of my life for a year? My senior residents are already expecting me to join them in Manila. Here I am though, confused and still praying for the best. People have been telling me that I will make it - I just don't have enough confidence though. Is it lack of faith or simply a coping mechanism so as I won't get disappointed?<br /><br />This exam is another determining factor in my medical career. Should I pass it, I shall pursue subspecialization training. This, I have been planning since several years ago in my so called <a href="http://voxcaelestis.blogspot.com/2005/12/life-plan.html">Life plan</a>. I felt very definite about this plan not until after I took the boards. I didn't realize that I will feel this uncertain about my future. I didn't even have an alternative plan in case I can't make it. People who know me say that it's in the bag that I must not worry. I don't know what's with me that I can't help but think about it and I usually refute them.<br /><br />At present, I'm thinking about plan B in case subspecialization is not possible for this year. All my life, I have been planning everything that I would like to do. Not to the point of being an ob-c though. An obsessive compulsive I mean. I am not that organized but I too am not a scatter brain. Well, the Great Architect must have gone tired in assuring me of my future through the people I meet or the books I read. People tend to be more comforting and sympathizing just so to help make you feel better and books are made to usually help you feel better. This I always rationalize. So the Big Guy who holds His office upstairs didn't run out of ideas. He even used a softdrink can in reminding my stubborn self that I should expect for all good things. Who could refute an aluminum can? I'm silent now. <br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDXT9LK9mTaBIWml9NFOT2CvqpJdenGTLHjembAzMoqujb4ho-47wFyflOw2AWy5FVRpj99_YV_lUinLwD3SlENgQozKudoMjTFzar3-lS3s0Eh_jefxabLLMBKUf3aHToAmmdww/s1600-h/08022009(009).jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDXT9LK9mTaBIWml9NFOT2CvqpJdenGTLHjembAzMoqujb4ho-47wFyflOw2AWy5FVRpj99_YV_lUinLwD3SlENgQozKudoMjTFzar3-lS3s0Eh_jefxabLLMBKUf3aHToAmmdww/s400/08022009(009).jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5300780495672080562" border="0" /></a><div class="blogger-post-footer">"Always a survivor...never a victim."</div>AngelMD-No-Morehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17199090682859269847noreply@blogger.com6