Wednesday, May 21, 2008
I Don't Believe in Marriage
These past few months are quite turbulent for me. Not that i have a lovelife to worry about but i have lovelifeS (take note...with an "S" meaning it's plural) to ponder and pray upon. News and updates of break-ups, annulments and separations bombarded me. Some lasted for a year the longest was more than 15 years. How the hell can relationships last for 15 years and suddenly went on pffft? I could accept the lame excuses in break-ups of boy-girl relationships. To absorb and to understand however an annulment or a legal separation is quite difficult for me...much more if it involves the children of the estranged couple.
I felt so sorry for my friends. I felt sorry for their kids. What happened to the love that developed during the pre-nuptial stage? Why can't the couple who vowed to be together for richer or for poorer...in sickness and in health and the other conditions-til-death-do-them-part thingie, hold on to their commitment?
These things that are happening around me made more cynical about marriage. It's not that marriage scares me more than death or it sounds like a death sentence to me. Fact is, i just dont believe in my capacity to hold on and to stand on a lifetime commitment. Modern philosophers who assume the characters of "friends" would defend me that maybe, i am just too idealistic. Too afraid to commit with the wrong person. Hmmm...why the hell are they considered "friends" anyway if they dont know the real me? Their argument? "If i am afraid of a lifetime commitment, why did i become a doctor? Being a doctor is a lifetime commitment and this title is marked on "doctors" even to their graves." They're right i suppose. I still am cynical about marriage though on the folllowing points:
1. It's not an assurance that a relationship could last.
2. It's not a security that the love will never die out.
3. It's not the bond that could maintain families.
4. It's not even a comfort that the other party will remain loyal to the other.
5. It's not even a proof that the person you got married with really loves you.
6. It's not just a simple "i do" ceremony...you have to deal with the entourage, the church, the reception, the florists, the studios, the band, the guests...in short, you dont just have to say "i do" but "i do HAVE MONEY for all of these."
After sharing my point and reflecting on the other relationships around me, i could say that now, the more that I DONT BELIEVE IN MARRIAGE. Yep! I really do. (Go Spinsters!) Seriously, why the hell should you get married, spend bucks for the ceremony and eventually spend hundreds of thousand for annulment? Crap! Plain crap. Why not just go on domestic partnership and leave the relationship when you feel strangulated? Simple as A-B-C. Is this me talking or my alter ego?
Curling up my tail and hiding my horns, seeing my parents still together for 31 years despite some misunderstandings that they were always able to patch up, or old patients who still care for each other in sickness and in health, i started to give justice on MARRIAGE. It's not marriage that i should believe or blame upon. Rather, i must believe or blame the couple who created the bond. Marriage too is a victim of circumtances. It's the human component of marriage actually that determines its falls and its success. The same human component that made the commitment that it is supposed to last for a lifetime. Now, you know why i dont believe in marriage. For marriage is just a noun and got no mind of its own. It's the husband and the wife who are the main actors who determine its ending...may it be a tragedy or a happily-ever-after.
I realized that i must never be sorry for my friends who got separated. I just have to blame them...hehe Nah! I just have to believe them in the decisions that they have made. That they are mature individuals with minds of their own...and so am i. Actually, the mind that tells me that i do not believe in marriage is still the same mind that tells me that it believes in ME. The ME who was created by the bond of a newly-wed couple exactly, 31 years ago. The same couple who inspires me that like them, i too am capable of preserving my relationship not just for 3 decades but more.
To my Tatay and Nanay, Happy 31st wedding anniversary. You continued to show me how to love fearlessly and unconditionally.