Tuesday, April 19, 2011


If there's one word that can describe my day today, this would be it. I went to visit my alma mater to submit some documents. While walking along its corridors, I had this weird, overwhelming experience. I first set foot on those corridors exactly twenty years ago. I was a young incoming high school freshman then. I was with my mom that time, on our way to the guidance counselor office where the admission requirements were submitted. The corridor was a plain, finished cement with coleman jugs and stroller bags at the sides. Gradeschoolers just leave their things in the corridors while they played with their classmates. All these without fear that their stuffs will be stolen. That was the sense of security that each student had back then.

The corridor I was walking on was already tiled. If I can remember it right, this was tiled after I graduated from college. Everytime it rains these tiles get wet and boy where there a lot of college students who slipped on those corridors. I guess we were better off with that finished cement. since my classmates in high school even deliberately slide their way on those halls without fear of falling.

Other than the tiled floor, gone are the signs on the beams of the corridor's roof. Back then, I could almost memorize what was written on those beams. Now, I tend to forget them already. A La Sallian is a man for others....a La Sallian is etcetera etcetera. These stuffs actually. Today, those signs on the beams were replaced by huge tarpaulins on the sides (must be a way of covering the corridor from the rain.wehehe) The lines written on those tarps were almost the same though. Reminding La Sallians who pass those corridors how to behave.

The rooms where different too. Some rooms already have double doors with grills. I am no longer aware if the school is as secure as 20 years ago. Based from what I saw however, I think things have changed too in the security aspect. A number of buildings were also built on a previously grassy park. I could no longer see the tennis court while I was walking through that corridor because of the new infrastructures. The ever memorable tennis court where I used to play tennis after school. Why memorable? I was kind of conscious in my shorts then every time I play. There were only a number of us girls in high school that time, being the 2nd batch of girls when La Salle high school turned coed. The tennis court was very visible from the corridor and all boys who passed that corridor can see me in my shorts running after the ball. Even my high school crush noticed me then. I was playing doubles with a grade school kid that time. When I got out of the court, my crush told me that I was playing with his brother. I forgot who won that match but the ending of talking with my crush was a winner.hahaha Basically, the tennis court was very open to prying eyes.

As I was nearing the College of Medicine office, I passed by our old high school classrooms. They were now turned into college classrooms. The doors are still the same, with openings in it shaped as crosses. I forgot to check if the door knobs were the same though. Those kind where I learned to use a plastic card rather than keys to open them. If there was a skill in high school that I still have today, this would be it. Our quadrangle got smaller in area too. It was no longer a quadrangle where students gather for the morning flag raising ceremony. It was also during that time that us girls were always reprimanded by our assistant principal for a stinking comfort room.hahaha Since this area was already occupied by the college department, it's now an open space where I hypothesize, college students could get their daily dose of vitamin D since most of the areas in the campus were already covered.hehehe

Twenty years forward, I am now a young internist who came back to her alma mater to apply as a part time faculty of the college of medicine. The nostalgia that I had today even made me more excited for the said teaching job. This is just one way of showing my alma mater my gratitude for molding me into a kind of doctor and person that I am. No matter how my old school looks now, with all the improvements and new buildings, there lies a part of me within its walls. Same thing with me. No matter how old I've grown and how many institutions I went to, I still a have a green blood in my system.

Monday, April 18, 2011


I have been feeling uninspired and idle for a month now. Truly when you oversleep you tend to be more tired and sleepy the whole day. This has been happening after my fellowship training ended. I just couldn't get myself to move and do something productive with my life other than sleeping. Yep! I sleep over my books and with the speed that I am running, I don't think that I will be able to finish all the topics that I need to read upon for my exam.

With this, I forced myself to attend our department's weekly conference so that I could force myself to study. I forced myself to hold clinics everyday in the afternoon so that I could earn some bucks and therefore get rid of the title professional bum. The universe must have cooperated too that I was bombarded with referrals from the residents in the government hospital I am affiliated in. In short, I was forced to make rounds with them in order for me to see the patients they're referring. I was saying "force" for if I would only let my idle self decide, I would choose to stay in my room and spend the whole day reading...errr sleeping actually.

Just when I needed the inspiration to get moving, thanks to my other favorite hobby, channel surfing for I came across the show Bottomline last night. Its guest was Fatima Soriano, an 18-year old, blind, Marian devotee. This girl has all the energy that I longed to have. She was so bubbly, full of inspiration, full of zest for life. Looking at myself, here I am, strong and able yet very lazy to use my God-given faculties. A slap in the face that was. The kind of slap that rises one from slumber though. Not those telenovela type that provokes you to slap back.hehe A slap in the face, a pinch in the heart, I couldn't explain what I felt but I knew that this girl made me cry.

Where in the world was she getting that energy, that kind of zest for life, that kind of faith? I was like her when I was younger. People close to me call me their angel. I'm serious. I was even recruited by the nuns in my highschool to join their congregation.wahaha What happened to that young, energetic and full of faith girl then? Did she turn into a pathetic doctor whose life seems suspended in mid-air? A doctor who grew horns and tail instead of halo and wings? Is that what I have become after all those trainings, hardships and challenges I went through in achieving my dream?

After finishing my last leg of training, my life landed on a plateau that not even my upcoming diplomate exam would scare me and force me to study. Shame on me. Shame on me for it took a blind girl for me to wake up from my long slumber. I have a short life to live. Eventhough I have reached that dream of mine, I know that my career as a health care provider is just starting. My life does not end here. I know that I need not waste my time in bed for when I'm dead, I'll surely be sleeping forever. Thank you Fatima for the inspiration. Thank you to the Big Guy Upstairs for sending angels to inspire me. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a bucket list to finish.=)

Monday, April 11, 2011


It's been more than year since I posted something here. I have been wanting to post a new entry but there were a lot of reasons that hindered me from doing it. First, blogger has gone Chinese a few months back. I couldn't understand any of the tabs that I tend to memorize what those tabs were for. Afraid that I might mess up big time with my blog account, I forgo with the idea of posting something. Second, fellowship training consumed much of my time. Third, morphine served as my human trash bin that all I need to do was to talk to him rather than going online to post something. Lastly, there's facebook where I could post my short rants through my status.:)

I realized though that the therapeutic effect of blogging on my heart and on my psyche is way different than the substitutes I've found. One, there's this feeling that I have emptied everything out after posting something. The thought that this blog is a bit "private" than facebook and that shedding some negative thoughts in here could not affect other life forms unless they read my entries (at their own risks), make me more comfortable in expressing myself here.

I am supposed to make a new blog account. You know, leave all the negativities and all the rants of training behind. Now that I am in private practice, and have gone "instantly" more mature after I was released from my training institution, my posts may be more mature and more optimistic now. For the sake of "continuity of care" however, I've decided to resurrect this blog and continue with what I have started. After reading some of my old entries, I had a good laugh at myself on how I evolved from a whining resident to a less-whining consultant.hahaha Nah! It felt good to read old stuffs. They served as measures of my growth as a person. If I leave them behind in this old blog and start a new one, there would be no point of comparison on how I was behaving a few years back to the present.hehe

Now that I'm juggling my time between my practice and my review for my diplomate exam, I know that I will be able to post an entry here quite often. There may be some changes with the way I think and feel. Since this is my trash bin, my whinings shall predominate this blog still...a bit milder though I suppose. There's something that didn't change with how I blog however. I still post lengthy entries.hehehe