Blogger 's Block

After hearing the news that in a month's time, i will be taking the Diplomate oral exam, i suddenly went into a "Blogger's block." I'm no writer ok, so let me use this description of what im going through right now. Suddenly, it seemed that i always ran out of words everytime i open blogger to post something. I have a lot of things in mind yet most of the posts that ive started remained as drafts, unfinished and of course, unpublished. I am now bothered with something. I am now preoccupied by this exam thingie. Barely a month to go for the preparation. Barely a month to go before the D-day.

If i will be asked on how prepared i am for the said exam, my definite answer would be a NO. Capital N-O. I havent started even with my readings yet. Though i could see this exam coming, i didnt realize that i will be "forced" to take it this year. Ok, let me change the word "force". I know our chairman reads my posts..."Ok, boss, i was "ordered" to take the exam". Now this sounds better but will "coerced" be best?hehe

Holy camote! After all the work load, after all the crap meetings to attend to, difficult personalities to adjust with, i will be subjecting myself to this stressful situation. The last exam that i took was the medical board exam and that was 3 years ago. Boy! I already forgot how it feels taking a big exam. Aside from this, this exam will appear almost like an interview. I'm better in written exams for at least there's elimination and eenie-meenie-minie-moe. With oral exams though, i dont know how i will fair. I might stutter, i might mumble, i might run out of words, or i might just simply tell the examiner that, "Doctor, the answer is just at the tip of my tongue. Kindly read it for me?"

Bluntly speaking, I am not afraid to take this exam. Actually, i just feel nothing. Same ol' feeling before i took the medical boards. What i was just concerned about right now would be my performance because of my lack of preparation. My seniors faired well during their time. In fairness, they had the time of their lives preparing for it. There were 9 of us in the department that time and the only concern that they had were these diplomate exams. No toxic duties for they were always the last calls as to referrals. No crap meetings to attend to. No ward rounds nor out-patient duties. (Oh boss, i just hope you can read this plea of mine).

Heck! I'd better stop this self-pity. I know, i know, this brings me to nowhere and this self-pity thing is actually my best enemy. Putting on my renegade self, I never run away from challenges. Que sera sera. Live and let die. Bring them on. What doesnt kill me would make me even stronger, right? Passing or failing this exam wouldnt or doesnt tell the kind of doctor that i am. I know a lot of members of this PCP thing who claims to be successful in their field yet i dont look up to them nor envy the kind of life that they have. On the other hand i know some general practitioners or non-members who have all my respect because of their compassion to their patients and their love for their profession. In short, even if i fail this exam, i will never be a lesser person. Why will i worry then?

Well, I just hope nature would be a little more considerate though. May my 24-hr duties be benign. May i be inspired to read my book no matter how tired i am from work. May my narcolepsy attacks be never triggered by the sight of my book. May those cranky and difficult people around me turn into considerate and mellow ones even for just a month. After my exam, they could go back to their old ways and i wouldnt care at all. May i never be exposed to "biohazards". You know, people who are miserable with their lives and are tasked to bring stress to others. They simply consume me. Phew! I need a shield from them!

So, if this blog will start to collect dust and cobwebs, it's just either of the two things are happening. I am busy preparing for the diplomate exam or i still havent recovered from my "blogger's block."

What's With Blogger?

I'm wondering what happened with blogger. Is it the "Araw ng Lahi" yet? Why all the Filipino stuffs in the tabs and commands? I'm in no way against the Filipino language but heck! I'm having a hard time really understanding some of the words. If not that i have memorized the tabs already, i really would have a hard time posting this. It's kinda funny though mixing up the Tagalog with English words. If they have decided to use Filipino as the language for instructions here, then maybe they should have an equivalent Filipino word for the words like "SAVE", "PUBLISH", "POSTS", "EDIT", "SETTING," etcetera.

What's funny here is this...

"Ini-imbak" reminds me of those pickles and other stuffs that you store.hehe So if they use this word here, why not use "Nililigtas" for "Save"?hehe With the rest, let blogger do its thing. I just have to familiriaze myself with this thing for now. Crap! Im really having a hard time. Im on the verge of laughing and getting irritated. Laughing for the funny sentences im reading here and irritated for having a hard time understanding them.

POST SCRIPT:
Oh boy! What's with this? A broken Filipino word? Goodness! What's "Magagumpay"? You mean "Matagumpay"? And by the way, why not try using "Bintana" instead of "Window"...hehe

The Best Things Are Free

Just imagine a world where every breath of oxygen that we take is being measured. Not only that, we will be asked to pay for it. Yep! Every liter of it. If the medical oxygen is the cause of quarrel and drift in this institution that i am in, what more if the air that we breath is for sale? I realized how blessed we are for there are still some free things in life like this air that we breathe. Good thing too for i still am capable of living while breathing room air.

He's the Man

I once called him "Papa" when i was younger. I shifted to "Tatay" when i heard my cousins calling their father with this address. It sounded better, dearer and sweeter than "Papa" from my young mind's point of view that's why. I could even remember the period when children my age would be very conscious with the addresses that they call their parents. It seemed that such name-calling is equivalent to the financial status of the family. Daddy for the affluent, papa for the middle class and tatay for those below or in the poverty line. This was no big deal with me. Yep! Even if some classmates would judge me with the way i address my parents. As far as i was concerned, we didnt grow hungry, my father provides for our family and i didnt even care with the financial status thingie or whatsoever. Tatay sounded better. Period.

There are a lot of things that i could remember about Tatay. Might as well enumerate those fond memories ive had of him:

1. He is both strict and sweet. He is very strict with time. Better be early than be late. This is the reason why i always find myself alone in a meeting or in school. I usually come to school early for tatay was my alarm clock. Sunday mornings were full of tension. He wakes us all up for church way too early. Sundays were supposed to be precious for we could extend a little longer in bed but not when Tatay wakes us up. He is soft-spoken to the point that we could determine when he's angry with the change in the tone of his voice. Such change could trigger our tearglands to function. His is the last word at home. In short, He's the man.

As to his sweeter side, he never goes home from work without "something". "Something" was the word that we used when we refer to pasalubong. A giant burger one evening or a siopao in the next and not to forget those ice creams. Most of the time, we played treasure hunting, looking for those "something" that he hid within our vicinity. When we were younger, he put us to sleep with his lullabyes. He sang to us some ilonggo songs that we still could remember until now. He writes sweet letters too. No wonder Nanay fell for him. I found some old letters that he sent to Nanay and I when he was working in Manila. I was 2 or 3 years old back then when he wrote those letters yet he always had a paragraph in those letters that's addressed to me. He reminded me how loved and special i am.

2. He's a verrrrrry good cook. I missed those tinolang manok, bakareta and many others when i left bacolod for medical school. The reason why i was picky with the food that i eat and that i am a good cook myself (im feeling a strong gush of wind in my room right now), is because i got used in eating good food at home especially when it's Tatay who prepares them. But then, for the whole four years that i was away, they made sure to send me some of Tatay's dishes through LBC if not twice, at least once a month.

3. He's not particular with money to the point that he's never frugal. Quiet a negative trait but his principle would be that he couldnt bring those bucks when he dies. He doesnt know how to haggle. I remembered how furious Nanay was when he bought us our toy pots made of clay at twice its original price. He bought the item right then after asking for its cost. He gives large tips too. Sometimes im even tempted to think that he never values hard earned money. I realized though that this trait of his could go a long way for he's able to help a lot of people. Ok, lemme describe him now as generous.

4. He's got good interpersonal relations. I guess i got this from him. Hmmm maybe from both of them. Tatay is close with the elderly and the young. The reason i guess why i preferred internal medicine is because im close with the elderlies too.

The rugby boys at the public plaza know Tatay. In fact we could always get a good parking when we go to church for even if were still a few meters away, his friends could already recognize him. He onced stopped the car somewhere and opened the window only to see him giving out his spare shirt to the barker whom he know. Once stopped at the middle of the street to give the traffic enforcer an umbrella for it was raining hard yet he has to keep on working. The elders in our community love him too that he has been constantly cajoled to run for office in the barangay. He's not just a politician though.

5. He is one of my very strong pillar in this profession that i took. I remembered that time that he told his friend that he'll never allow me to bring those huge bags that medreps carry. He'll send me to medical school for whatever cost just so ill be spared from having to carry those big bags. He didnt realize that my books were heavier than sample meds.hehe When i decided to have my training, he was one of those who prodded me to take it in this government hospital where i am currently in. He assured me that it was not just i who was prepared in this training but them too. He was the one responsible for my toxicity because of his prayers...hehe Seriously, i get his 100% support 24/7. He drives and fetches me from work and he brings me my dinner when im on duty.

6. He's a renewed smoker and alcoholic of more than a decade and a good patient. He started young and fortunately stopped young too. He has been keeping promises to Nanay that he'll stop his vices and eventually, he was able to, without any withdrawal symptoms. Maybe, he was thinking of our sake. When i was in gradeschool, I remembered how he allowed me to finish a small glass of beer while he was drinking at home. I asked for some for me to taste. In a few minutes, i developed wheal all over my body and my face became bloated making me look like a puffer fish. This is the story why beer was banned at home. As to cigarettes, we all are sensitive to smoke. In short, our place is a smoke-free zone. At present, he has hypertension and dyslipidemia. He takes maintenance medications for it and he has good compliance. He watches his diet too. If there's one thing that a doctor is happy about is that when his/her patient heeds his/her advise.

If i were to write more about tatay, i might be able to once again post my longest blog. I just cant help but recall those times and be thankful at the same time to the One in power who gave me my Tatay. I am half less the person that i am right now if not for him. I am never where i am right now if not for him too.

So for tomorrow, here's for the Man of the House, "Happy Father's Day Tatay!" And this goes to all of the Fathers out there.

A Repost

Been too busy these past few days checking our junior interns' paperworks. I was quite upset hearing that these interns dont take their work seriously. One even challenged me that she's not afraid of extensions after commenting to her senior intern that she'll take whatever extension that will be given to her. Goodness! I have been in her place once and never did i complain about my work. So here's a repost from my other blog. For our junior interns who i know are currently in their most "self-pity mode."

MAKING HEAVEN OUT OF HELL...For our junior interns

Clerkship...all of us doctors have gone through this one "hell" year. Actually, some consultants or even residents like me would not even dare go back to this experience even if they're paid a million bucks. Who would? You're like a walking monitoring machine going up and down, to and fro a 3-building complex taking the vital signs of your patients, draining their urine bags, dressing their wounds, name it, we have experienced everything. You're really literally a "clerk". Writing the histories of your patients, extracting every vital information you needed for their diagnosis, taking note of their progress...hell, how many rims of bond papers and boxes of ballpens did we consume back then? If people appreciate my talent in expressing myself through this blog, i guess i owe everything to my medical training...these callouses i've got in my fingers always remind me how tedious and difficult it was to write histories and progress notes and therapeutic indices...if only i could view the gyri in my brain produced by writing these stuffs.

I am aware how my junior interns are whining and complaining about their current status. How they feel starved after skipping meals...feel tired after a 24-hour duty...down and disappointed when reprimanded by their seniors and consultants...feel inadequate when given extensions for a work they think they've worked hard enough...fall asleep in looooong lectures that their brains couldnt even process the data overload. What else should i add? Everything that challenges the mind, the ego and the body? A clerk really have to experience such. All good doctors have to go through the pains of clerkship.

I believe that going through clerkship is just a breeze if someone has the right attitude for it. Seriously, i didnt care much about my toxicity. Yep! I was branded as a toxic clerk eversince...now that i am a resident, I still am..aargh! I enjoyed walking through the empty corridors of the hospital in the early morning while watching for the sun to rise even if i literally would drag my tired feet just to cross one building to another to monitor my patients. I felt gratified seeing patients at the ER or at the wards treating them as my own even if i was still in training. I was a neurotic, a masochist to be exact, when i was a clerk...sort of died with myself, deprived myself of some things that would hinder me in my training (lovelife included...ehehe). That was just for a year. A year wouldnt count much for the 24 years that i lived life. I didnt have regrets in the end. I simply enjoyed everyday of my 12-month training. Success was sweeter after i went through the difficulties of training.

To our junior interns, keep on going. Hang on. The long agony will soon be over. Remember that a diamond is once a coal that went through the pains of fire. Just as the good doctors we admired ...the doctors we look upon to become like one...we all have to go through fire. Believe me...nothing is harder, more painful, more difficult but more rewarding than passing through the world of "training" - clerkship to residency. Put your heart in it the way you loved your "first." Focus your mind in it the way you never did. One year of clerkship or junior internship is never your whole life but it will determine the doctor that you will become all your life.

If I were paid a million bucks to go through clerkship again? I'll take your millions and go back in "heaven". Now that my hair is dry...lying in my bed would be more heavenly as of this time.

Dear Junior

This is for my junior resident who's giving me a very hard time. I know you read my posts and you can definitely read this. Yep! Im having a hard time with you. I just would like to let you know however that im not giving up on you. Ive been working with you for the past six months now and ive seen that passion in you in this profession that we are in. If you dont have that thing within you, you could have given up a long time ago. This road that we took is all rocky i understand. A neophyte like you would definitely grow tired and burn out after a short journey should you lose that passion in you.

Now if you are holding on still, so am i. I'll be the bitchest senior that you'll have should you never improve on your performance. I'll never stop those pressures im imposing on you so long as i couldnt see you giving out your best. I'll drain out your hidden potentials for your patients' benefits. There's a great potential in your person. You just have to learn how to develop it.

So as i am about to take my rest after a wasted duty that we have, here's a song that i guess will apply in the next duties that we'll have together. This is for you to hold on with our training, and for me to never give up on you. I'll never give up so long as i could still see that passion within you. Im saying and doing this, for you have to remember that, before i became your bitchy senior, i was and will forever remain your friend.

Miracles Do Happen

I know someone who is a walking "inferiority complex." Im not having a problem with semantics here. When i say "complex", im referring to a structure, a human being and not the inferiority complex as a trait. If others are too full of themselves, she on the other hand is so full with all the insecurities in the world. The way she stands and the volume of her voice say it all. She's got those potentials that remain to be untapped. Potentials that would come out only if she'll get rid of all her insecurities. If i allow her to keep up her inferiorities on the loose, this world will be one less of a good doctor.

Ive seen her compassion towards her patients. Ive seen her sensitivity to others that unfortunately has sometimes gone overboard. She has become too sensitive to what others might say about her. She has become too conscientious of her actions to the point that her performance suffers because of it. Her every move was always preceeded by hesitancy, afraid of what other people might think. She believed in what others might say that arent favorable to her. Ironically, she believes too in the goodness of man. She believed in other people more than she believed in herself.

She's not good-looking. Alright, let's say not presentable. She projects an image that's not noticeable for she doesnt want attention to herself. This struggle towards having a low profile however makes her more prone to others' criticisms. Curly, split-end laden hair, dull complexion, poor fashion sense, what have you? She has it all. Now add these physical attributes to her psychological make up and you're creating the living "inferiority complex" i previously mentioned.

Why am i blogging about her? The moment she became my intern, this girl has become a constant challenge to me. Ive seen a compassionate, would-be excellent doctor in her person. This will only come out though after you have made your way to her jungle of inferiorities. Thus, despite of my toxic life, i tried to the best that i could to trim down those insecurities that my "power" could remove. Ive spent time talking with her and discovered the root of everything after she had opened up. Her problem started a little more than a decade ago. She was even able to recognize what that was. Problem though, she reacted in a negative manner. Instead of taking those criticisms against her critics, she took it against herself.

She started to build a shell for her to hide into. She forgot her potentials, forgetting everything that she can do. And i hated her for this. Yep! I hated her for being so insecure. We are poles apart that's why. I dont know but i was never insecure of myself. Maybe we were just raised differently. I was made to believe not to feel inferior of other people in whatever position or status they may belong. They did not contribute to my well-being, nor even helped in feeding me and sending me to school. I need not please them but i must not also forget to respect them. I was made to believe that so long as i am not stepping upon somebody's principles and beliefs, i am not doing anyone wrong. Thus, i owe noone no shame.

This belief is what i have been wanting to channel to her. I have been wanting to help her lift herself up from the pool of insecurities that she has been swimming in. I am having a major project on her that im afraid, is more bound to fail than to succeed. I'll be helping out someone who's a few months older than i am in biological age but never in EQ or IQ. I'll be transforming someone who's used to the kind of life that she has for the past decades.

I know it's going to be a tough job. I believe though that there'll be noone who's going to be at the losing end. I'll be renovating a 29-year old insecurity complex alright, but if this is what it takes to develop someone who's going to save lives, it's worth all the pain. It's just that i'm praying for a miracle. In this age and time though, miracles still happen.

All About This Blog

Received comments from friends and acquaintances as to why this blog of mine seems to be dark. People who know me well would definitely comment that this blog's aura is totally different to what i project in person. I was asked to write about a more cheerful topic or maybe something that's got to do with my lovelife. Huwaaaat? Are you guys asking me to deviate from what this blog is all about?

In its mere design, i wanted this blog to reflect what its contents really are. For the background color, I chose black - simple, deep, dark, mysterious. With its title and heading, i already gave you an idea that this is a place where i could unload myself of the responsibilities that i have in my profession. Im calling this as my trash bin. Now if you could show me a trash bin that's neat and full of good stuffs, then maybe i will be forced to overhaul my whole blog.

By the way, what are those feet of mine doing here? I just wanted to show how nice looking they are.hehe Also, i wanted to give them the limelight here. Doing my daily rounds at work makes me neglect them most of the time. The only time i paid them enough attention was when i was absent from work because of tendinitis. Seriously, i wanted to create a contrast between the background and the pic. Also, looking at the pic gives me the feeling of carefreeness and being liberated - not just from work but from everything.

Pardon me then if you get nothing but negative energy here. The reason too why i appear so different in real life is that this is where my negative energy is released. I dont want to channel this negative energy to others without their consent. I know how it feels to receive such energy from others and be affected all day long by it. In short, if you get to have a share of this negative energy im talking about by reading this blog, im not to be blamed. There's an effort coming from your part too for you have a choice to read or skip this site. Now this is what i call my social responsibility.hehe

Just like a bitter pill though that you have to swallow first before you get the benefit, i tried, to the best that i could, to incorporate some sort of learnings that i gained from the experiences im posting. Haha. Am i hearing myself explaining here?

Alright, read on at your own risk. This is just what im trying to say.

As to my so-called "other" life? Of course im blogging it too. This blog can even be found in my profile. It remains to be private though.hehe

Justice

Blame it on the brewed coffee. Yep! It did help me digest that feast i had tonight but it's not just helping me find a good night sleep. Kept on turning in my bed finding for the right position that will put me to slumber. Sleeping is not a problem for a narcoleptic like me but not tonight. I am not sure if it was just the coffee that's keeping me awake or the news that a previous intern of mine told me tonight.

She wasnt comfortable with the new hospital that she's rotating in. Call it the Other Side Medical Center. With the said name it has a subliminal meaning that it's opposite our side. In whatever aspect, it's just our opposite. It has been considered as the pillar of the medical practice here in town. Obviously for being the largest, both in area and the number of its medical staff, and for being the most modern private hospital in town. It too is almost equivalent to the center of our college of physicians since most of its members originated and are practicing here.

About the news, she was just surprised to discover that her residents, who pardon my word are trained too to develop superiority complex, arent examining their patients at the Emergency Room! Hearing this was actually no longer a surprise for me. A few weeks ago, a colleague in the hospital where i worked complained that she brought her brother who was having an asthma attack in that medical center. She was surprised that the resident at the ER has a complete history and physical examination of her brother when in fact she havent examined the patient yet. Im thinking that maybe their clinical eye is well trained that they could already hear their patient's lungs just by mere observation.

Here's the gist of this blog now. I can hear myself shouting for an injustice. As a senior resident, i have been witness and have been a victim myself on how unfairly we were treated. Not because we came from a crap hospital, we too are crap ourselves. We have experienced those unfair treatments from our colleagues from the Other Side, from the media and from the patients themselves. We are working in a dilapidated and outdated government hospital but hey, our values, our knowledge and skills arent that dilapidated and outdated. What can we do however? This hospital where we work already built an impression if not to most, to some.

People have been thinking that our hospital is the place where the patients go and die. Heck! How can they not die here when we receive them at their worst and worst of all, we receive them with nothing in them but sickness? How can we manage them properly when we cant even apply what's ideal to them? How can we not apply what's ideal when the resources we have are scarce and so are their families'. In short, patients die here because they are meant to die. We are just fortunate enough to be chosen to pronounce their demise.

Why cant people count the number of patients that we have treated and were able to sent home well? Why cant people see the number of patients who comes back at the out-patient department for follow ups and who appears too different from the time they were admitted? Patients who looked like people from the land of famine with tubes stucked in their chest when they were admitted, now walking in the OPD fully made up from head to toe. They might even be mistaken as patient's folks.

We are always bombarded by issues of failing to attend to our patient's needs. Issues that we lousily dispense and manage patients at the ER. If we are to apply the ideal 1:3 doctor to patient ratio, then this wouldnt be an issue at all. Fact is however, there are about 20 patients minimum to just 1 doctor. How can one doctor who goes on the whole 24 hours for duty manage all of his patients? It would take a superman or superwoman to do such. Im sorry to tell you but there are superheroes in this crap hospital i am working in. I dont know but by some power, we could survive our duties that mostly are uneventful. By some isolated cases though, people from the outside world who already developed a negative impression on us would sensationalize an issue and this runs like wildfire. Fire that could burn down our dilapidated infrastructure but never our spirit.

We are always considered as an inferior race. Since we came from a crap hospital, people think that nothing good's coming from here. Not because we are working in an outdated hospital, we too are outdated. I am proud to say that our training program here is the best in town. Aside from the patients who forever will remain as our mentors, we are just damn blessed with consultants who painstakingly devote their time and knowledge in our training program - most of them are as volunteers. Also, where on earth can one find the department's chairman spending most of his time training residents and interns? I havent witnessed this from the medical school where i came from. We too are reading the same book as our contemporaries. Of course we can afford to buy one. Heck! Only this hospital is poor and not us.hehe We have a broadband connection at the office and we are adept in the latest technology. Yep! There are pc's and laptops inside that dilapidated infrastructure.

What im just trying to drive at is that, we too are capable of winning those contests. We too are human beings with heavy brains on top of our shoulders. We too are boardpassers who could effectively treat our patients. Only, we are working in a not so ideal institution. In short, those residents who work in the "ideal" institution dont have the right NOT to examine their patients. They are being paid to treat just like us. They are also expected to be honest in their dealings with their patients the way we are expected to act. Worse, they already have junior interns rotating with them and they must not afford to show these interns what's not ideal in patient management. Im not fingerpointing here ok? What im just trying to do is you know, shift the limelight on the Other Side. We have had too much publicity for the isolated blunders that we've committed that ive become almost allergic to it.

If only we're that weak at heart, we could have given up already after all those fingerpointing, bomb droppings and mudslingings. But no. We have an oath to live by. We have a role to play in this life. We have a script to follow. As for now all we could do is to stand strong, act brave, and shout for an injustice. INJUSTICE! How's that?hehe

I believe that we can never explain ourselves to everyone but fact is, we dont have to. What im doing here is that, im just whining and i still am under the influence of caffeine. That's all!

BCSG

This is an overdue post. Ive mentioned about our group from my previous post and as promised, ill be making a separate entry for it. It's just so timely that i just came home from our group meeting. Been bored for the past few days at home and after being informed by one of our members that we'll be having a meeting, i didnt have any doubts attending it. We met over dinner in a restaurant by the sea and the night was concluded over a cup of brewed coffee. This explains why i still am awake posting this entry.

Now what does BCSG stand for? This is our group name. The name sounds ridiculous but anyhow ill be mentioning it here. It stands for Batchoy Club and Support Group. Im washing my hands clean here. It was Jedi who gave the name and i'll be describing him later.

Our group was formed over bowls of batchoy one fine afternoon, that's why. Went out for snacks with two of our interns and over batchoy, we shared sentiments about our work in the hospital. Not only that, we too shared lighter moments wherein we laughed at our bloopers or that of our colleagues. We shared a healthy conversation enough to make us feel better after a hard day's work and enough to sustain us again for another duty.

That batchoy session was followed by another foodtrip. This time, we had a new recruit - our junior consultant in the department. So there you go, over a pile of oysters, the official group was formed. Four members who have bottomless stomachs. No qualms as to food or place preference. No qualms too with regards to bill payments. In other words, bawal ang nag dadiet at bawal ang kuripot.

Through textvotes, we finally decided on our positions. By unanimous decision and by virtue of seniority, our president is no other than Dr. Potter, our junior consultant. The group's foodtrip and psychotherapy sessions will not be considered official unless the president is around. Also, only him has the last word as to the place or food to eat. Since he too is the most senior and is earning the most, he too is the financier of our eat out sessions - most of the time. Did i just mention bawal ang kuripot? Dr. Potter's the coolest resident, now P-resident, around. There are no dull moments with him. He could turn a really bad day very ok. His mere mention of POTO already makes me laugh. He lives as a "Grace under pressure," and this is what we are also adopting.

Then there's Jedi, our official mascot and driver. The only-but-never-been-spoiled-son. He's a postgraduate intern who eventually will end up in internal medicine.hehe His life story especially when he was an adolescent was a pang "Maalala Mo Kaya." Hmm, in a comedy genre. You'll never feel full when he's around for you'll burn all your calorie intake laughing at his stories. Now you already have an idea why we are a support group. After all the serious facade that we wear at work and after all the serious cases that we face in the hospital, we need lighter moments to detoxify us. Laughter is still the best medicine so said the old adage.

Our treasurer, secretary and informer is Adopted. Another post graduate intern of ours who was on the verge of quitting medical school after only a week of rotating in the department. I dont know what happened but this future internist is so interested in medicine that she helps out at the ER with the medical resident on duty though she's rotating in OB-GYNE. I call her adopted for she considered me as her adoptive mother. Poor little kid, with the physique of Miss Somalia, or locally that of a batang Negros, couldnt help but to adopt her.hehe Peace Adopted. She was given a special award by our department as decided by our chairman. The award goes with a 4-year residency contract.hehe Dont be fooled by the physique though. Fact is her metabolism is just rapid for her appetite is almost equivalent to that of Jedi's. Oh by the way, she's a hypothyroid as claimed.

Lastly, the muse of the group is no other than, who else? Need not describe myself here. This blog's too full of myself already. Just in case you are interested to know though, yep! Im a voracious eater. I could consume almost the same amount of food as Dr. Potter and Jedi's despite of my petite stature. Where am i putting all the calories then? Hmmm, try going on a 24-hour duty with me.

So there! Now you know the group that i always go out with. Aside from blogging, they too are my emotional vents. At least im working on my autism when im with them for i get to socialize with other people unlike when im only blogging.

BCSG - Four people with different lives, different experiences, sharing the same profession, the same sentiments, the same likes, and the same goal. Goal of having a life outside of the hospital, in order to be more effective in saving another life. Awwww. Barf bag pleeeease.

Contented

Many times have i done it in this blog? No other than to complain about my work. Obviously, this is what this blog is all about. My emotional trash bin where i can unload all my toxicities from work. If ill be posting nice posts about my job, then i should have renamed my blog title.

To deviate from my usual posts, ill be talking how contented i am with my work now. Woohoot! This is what the 1st 2 days of my force leave has done to me. Goodness im starting to miss work! Yay! This is soooooo me!

Went to the mall with my parents and youngest sis this afternoon. Mom's been wanting to buy a videocam so her techie daughter (unfortunately that's me), has to accompany her. I didnt realize how expensive these cams are now. Im not interested in having one so maybe i didnt have any idea on how their prices range. Had a hard time in looking for one. Mom's got her own taste but of course the last word would still come from me. If you only know how difficult it was for me to decide. Im not the one who's buying it and i dont want to end up feeling guilty should mom wouldnt like what i chose. In the end, i just guided her in her choice to the point that i have to let her choose between the cam and a laptop. Sheesh! The cam she liked costs as much as a new laptop nowadays. She's been needing a lap but mom's kinda wise sometimes. She's just waiting for me to upgrade mine so she could have my old lap for free. Tsk! Tsk!

Well, that was quite long for an introduction. In short, i got hungry and we ended up at a fastfood restaurant for some snacks. And oh the videocam? She didnt buy one. The one she wanted was out of stocks so she just have to order it should she want to have it. Great! Speaking of signs that if things arent meant for you, there really is a way for you not to have it.

Lined up at the counter to give our order. While waiting at the queue, i was trying to picture out myself on the other side taking the orders. "Yes ma'am? Good afternoon ma'am. May i take your order please?" Equipped with a smile plastered on my face. Aside from taking the orders, you have to take the stuffs yourself and you should do it in a haste. Now aside from giving the orders, you'll charge the bill and take the money. Whew! That was quite a job for me. I couldnt just imagine how toxic they get especially during peak hours like lunch time. What's difficult with this job too is that you have to master the art of smiling amidst the toxicity. Smile towards demanding customers - they're always right, girl. Yep! Even if they arent. Smile even if you feel like your legs are about to break down after the trips you've did from the counter to the service area and back. I'm thinking that should i place myself behind that counter, i need to wear a mask. I'm this transparent. People can see what i feel inside unless of course ill apply my best actress skills.

I always have a share of my toxicity at the Emergency room. Patients would usually come in herds and each has his/her own story to tell, own complaint to be attented to. Despite the demands and toxicity of my job though, i could manage to survive one duty after another. Nurses and interns that i go on duty with even consider me as a toxic yet cool resident for i remained to be a grace under pressure when im at work. Oh yeah? If there are also people who remain as graces under pressure, they are those fastfood crews who managed to smile all their shifts and manage to live on their meager salaries. And yes, i admire them for that.

Bottomline is, no matter what kind of work you are in, you'll never get toxic so long as you put passion in it. I may not picture out myself as an effective fastfood crew but maybe should i put more passion in it, ill eventually be liking my work. As of now, ill contend myself as a toxic resident in a crap government hospital. Be an effective and passionate lifesaver as i promised to Hippocrates. So the next time around that a patient comes, might as well apply the lines i hear when giving out my order:

"Yes sir, welcome to the ER. How may i help you, sir? Do you want to be admitted? Well, we have a variety of wards for you to choose from. We have the medicare and charity wards and of course our famous ALLEY WARD. Should you want to be more comfortable, i'll request you to bring in your folding beds instead of a cardbox for you to lay upon.

We also have a choice of intravenous fluids sir. Do you want it plain or dextrose containing? Yadda yadda yadda."

Now this sounds so phony! Actually, my patients need not hear a word from me. Just one grin and a comforting touch and they'll be enough.

Oh how i love my job!

Back

I'm back from a weekend outing with my family. Twas nice to wake up one morning without thinking anything in mind. Been absent from the blogosphere for sometime and i know that ive missed out on a lot of things. Well, i deserve this break and when i say break, i mean break from my daily routine - both from work and from cyberworld. Definitely i would be expecting a number of unread emails. For the weekend alone that i was gone, i had this number (see picture below) and only a few are spam. Yay! What can i do? With the schedule that i have, the only means of communication that i have with friends is the internet. Otherwise, i will surely be lost with the latest and forever will be branded as "the autistic of the year."

Officially, my force leave starts today too. Truly looking forward to mornings without a care. Looking forward to staying a little longer in bed and to a late breakfast. Looking forward to a number of movies that i have yet to see on a movie marathon. I'll be a bum for four straight days. Can you read that? Four days without work!

Tsk! Tsk! Thinking about what's going to happen with my life for the next four days makes me want to vomit! Ironic as it may seem for ive been complaining about my work in this blog. Now that im given a break, i still am complaining about it. Just when ill be contented with things? Actually, I'm not just used to this kind of life! Bring me back to the hospital! Dimmit!

Now i know why this is called a FORCE LEAVE!




WORD TO SELF: Your body's telling you to slow down can't you hear it? Now if you cant dig that, go cough your lungs out! Your body needs some pampering you stubborn young lady. The hospital can live without you. If you still cant get this, go back, be a martyr and build yourself a monument.