Saturday, May 19, 2007

Live and Let Die

Came from a 24-hour duty today. Since it's a Saturday and I was entitled with a half-day off from work, I spent the whole afternoon with two members of my BCS group. In case you might be wondering what BCS stand for, it's Batchoy Club and Support Group. The name sounds ridiculous. Batchoy Club?haha Well, the details of the said group deserves another entry.

Now back to my afternoon break, we had a late lunch in a Chinese Resto. After having our fill, we spent a few minutes at the mall's appliance center looking at cameras and televisions. Well, just to let the food that we ate get digested before we take our seats in the theater. Yep! After the eating session, we watched Shrek 3. I'm not going to make a movie review here. It's just that i liked the movie's soundtrack particularly this song in the video above and from where this post's title came from.

But if this ever changin world
in which we live in
Makes you give in and cry
Say live and let die

A few hours before this break from work, i was about to breakdown in the wards. I was dead tired and yet i have to make rounds to a number of patients - not my patients to be more specific. I dont know if it's just me who's toxic but sometimes, life really isnt fair on me. Oh well, who says it is? Ok, maybe im not fair with myself. Life's been good and beautiful but when it comes to work, it's different, believe me.

I'm already in my senior year yet i feel that im more tired when i am from duty compared when i was just starting residency training. I dont think it's age, but it's more of having a bigger responsibility now. For this month, i had to cover for several days for my junior. I had to once again make rounds at the wards like when i was in first year. Good thing if i dont have an ICU to make rounds with, or meetings to attend to. Things simply are getting into my nerves. Sometimes, they almost tempt my tearglands to produce some droplets of tears just so to let this thing out of my system. Unknown to me, my tears are i guess light sensitive. They dont come out when im exposed in broad daylight.

Today, my junior wasnt feeling well that i have to make rounds with her patients. As a senior i felt that it was a better thing to do though i felt bad doing it at first. Been in her state also and i could never remember a time though that my senior covered for me when i was really in bad shape. I went on duty at the ER without a voice and made rounds while having fever. The only time that i was absent for a day was when i couldnt take those tendinitis - well, also a result of overwork.

So there i was the whole day swimming in self-pity. Goodness, i never realized how pathetic i could get when i lacked sleep! I was irritated and i wanted to cry. The heck with those tears though, they cant lessen the number of patients that i have to visit. I wanted to shout on how unfair life could be sometimes. The heck with complaining, it just added insult to my pathetic self.

The remaining sane neurons that i have might have worked doubly hard to keep my composure. Instead of wallowing in self pity, i planned what i have to do to make my job a bit easier. Life might have pitied me too that i had 3 interns who came to help me out with the rounds. Whew! The whole time i was making rounds, i was thinking of a prize that i would reward myself after a hard day's labor. I deserve a break. A good break.

So there, after a hearty meal, we went to watch Shrek 3. I'm this cheap. Just feed me and give me some entertainment and i'll be ok. The reason why this song got into me was because this was what's being played when we entered the cinema. And the lyrics? Oh, it's so timely.

What does it matter to ya
When ya got a job to do

Ya got to do it well

You got to give the other fella hell

I have a job to do and i have to do it well. I did do it well. I realized that no matter how tough my work could get, i know that i just have to live and let die. Who has been talking about living life everyday to the fullest anyway? Even if it seems that life could be unfair, i just have to think about reward conditioning. Doing the job and rewarding myself when the job get's done. As a result, it makes the work a lot easier. Nothing beats working with a happy and light heart.

By the way, who's the other fellow though that i have to give hell to? Of course no other than my other pathetic self. I just hope that she'll rest in peace.


snglguy said...

Hmmm, using an old James Bond theme song as reference for this entry... cute. :-)

Hang in there Angel, life as an intern may be tough, but you sure are a lot tougher than you think.

Hope you have a great weekend. :-)

AngelMD said...

thnx snglguy...btw, done w/ internship but would rather remain as an intern if this is wat it takes to become a resident...hehe