Saturday, June 23, 2007

Blogger 's Block

After hearing the news that in a month's time, i will be taking the Diplomate oral exam, i suddenly went into a "Blogger's block." I'm no writer ok, so let me use this description of what im going through right now. Suddenly, it seemed that i always ran out of words everytime i open blogger to post something. I have a lot of things in mind yet most of the posts that ive started remained as drafts, unfinished and of course, unpublished. I am now bothered with something. I am now preoccupied by this exam thingie. Barely a month to go for the preparation. Barely a month to go before the D-day.

If i will be asked on how prepared i am for the said exam, my definite answer would be a NO. Capital N-O. I havent started even with my readings yet. Though i could see this exam coming, i didnt realize that i will be "forced" to take it this year. Ok, let me change the word "force". I know our chairman reads my posts..."Ok, boss, i was "ordered" to take the exam". Now this sounds better but will "coerced" be best?hehe

Holy camote! After all the work load, after all the crap meetings to attend to, difficult personalities to adjust with, i will be subjecting myself to this stressful situation. The last exam that i took was the medical board exam and that was 3 years ago. Boy! I already forgot how it feels taking a big exam. Aside from this, this exam will appear almost like an interview. I'm better in written exams for at least there's elimination and eenie-meenie-minie-moe. With oral exams though, i dont know how i will fair. I might stutter, i might mumble, i might run out of words, or i might just simply tell the examiner that, "Doctor, the answer is just at the tip of my tongue. Kindly read it for me?"

Bluntly speaking, I am not afraid to take this exam. Actually, i just feel nothing. Same ol' feeling before i took the medical boards. What i was just concerned about right now would be my performance because of my lack of preparation. My seniors faired well during their time. In fairness, they had the time of their lives preparing for it. There were 9 of us in the department that time and the only concern that they had were these diplomate exams. No toxic duties for they were always the last calls as to referrals. No crap meetings to attend to. No ward rounds nor out-patient duties. (Oh boss, i just hope you can read this plea of mine).

Heck! I'd better stop this self-pity. I know, i know, this brings me to nowhere and this self-pity thing is actually my best enemy. Putting on my renegade self, I never run away from challenges. Que sera sera. Live and let die. Bring them on. What doesnt kill me would make me even stronger, right? Passing or failing this exam wouldnt or doesnt tell the kind of doctor that i am. I know a lot of members of this PCP thing who claims to be successful in their field yet i dont look up to them nor envy the kind of life that they have. On the other hand i know some general practitioners or non-members who have all my respect because of their compassion to their patients and their love for their profession. In short, even if i fail this exam, i will never be a lesser person. Why will i worry then?

Well, I just hope nature would be a little more considerate though. May my 24-hr duties be benign. May i be inspired to read my book no matter how tired i am from work. May my narcolepsy attacks be never triggered by the sight of my book. May those cranky and difficult people around me turn into considerate and mellow ones even for just a month. After my exam, they could go back to their old ways and i wouldnt care at all. May i never be exposed to "biohazards". You know, people who are miserable with their lives and are tasked to bring stress to others. They simply consume me. Phew! I need a shield from them!

So, if this blog will start to collect dust and cobwebs, it's just either of the two things are happening. I am busy preparing for the diplomate exam or i still havent recovered from my "blogger's block."


snglguy said...

For someone with a bloggers block you sure write a long entry, hehe. :-D

Anyways, good luck on that oral whatever thingy that you're preparing. I'm sure you'll ace it. :-)

AngelMD-No-More said...

haha my drafts were actually longer and they remained to be unpublished.

thnx sngl...i do need all the luck in the world.

snglguy said...

Hey Angel, just dropping by to check if you've updated yet. :-)

AngelMD-No-More said...

haha im updating now sngl! i didnt realize how thick the dust layer in this blog has gone.