When I Grow Older

When i was a kid, i dreamt of becoming a doctor. A doctor who will treat the sick. My parents were aware of this but they didnt take me seriously. Kids could dream whatever they wanted so they thought. Actually, when i was a little bit younger, i dreamt of becoming an astronaut. Besides, how can they be so sure too that i would really be pursuing this dream when i was fond of reading not my textbooks but comic magazines? I dont know if you're familiar with funny komiks. I was more into arts too - sketching, painting and the like.

As i reached high school, i became interested with technology. The personal computers during those times were the kind that use casette tapes as data saving devices. The screens were then colored green. I was fond of tinkering with those stuffs and troubleshooting. My parents were relieved that at long last, i seem to have forgotten that childhood dream. Sending a kid into medical school is no joke. They were thinking that i was just joking when i dreamt to become a doctor. During this time, i was also fond of literature. Science was never in my extra curricular subjects. In short my parents were expecting that their eldest daughter shall end up in the field of computers or in journalism.

Everything changed though a few months before i graduated. We were applying for a college course in different universities. I had a lot of things to consider during those times before i selected the course that i would like to apply on. I had to consider my family's financial status. I had to consider what i really liked doing the most. Eventually, i applied for a Bachelor of Science in Biology. This started to give my parents some creeps. The childhood joke i had before was actually no joke. This decision too was no joke on my part. Twas a leap of faith, a dive into the impossibilities.

Okay, enough for such a long introduction. Now as a full-fledged doctor, am i already contented now that i have reached my childhood dream? Little did i know that everything doesnt just stop here. A doctor has a lot of opportunities to choose from. I could choose from being an academician, a specialist, a scientist, a researcher, an administrator. Whew! When i was a kid i thought that a doctor only treats the sick!

Currently in my residency training, i was exposed to the different fields of my profession. As an academician, we have interns to teach and train. We too are required to submit a research before we graduate. Tasked to lead the renegades too, i was expected to represent our chairman in his absence and the department in different administrative works and meetings. One i just attended today.

I once again witnessed another fellowship of the phonies. This time, i shall name it Fellowship of Morons. Oh, Fellowship of the Imbecile is i guess more appropriate. The word may be offensive but who in his right and mature mind be thinking of just himself and his interests? Between a 3-year old kid and a 60-year old doctor, i would expect a 3-year old would. What word would be more appropriate if it would be the other way around?

The fellowship is composed of administrators who have personal issues among themselves who placed the hospital and its patients in jeopardy because of their conflicts. I finally knew why the hospital supplies were not replenished. Why a lot of infrastructures were unfinished. Why those people in the position fight for the "throne". I now know what it takes to become an administrator. Along with the responsibility of running the hospital and its people, the administrator too has the option to be good or to be corrupt. What with the millions of pesos budget? What with the different opportunities to acquire wealth? From biddings of medicines and supplies to infrastructures, the hospital is a good venue to become a secret millionaire!

My narcoplesy attacks didnt occur the whole time i was idle, sitting and listening to the meeting in one corner. The topic got me interested. Here we are, trying to settle a conflict that actually might have arose from personal interests. An administrator who wanted the "throne" but was not given the chance, mudslinging the one on the "throne" just so to dethrone him. Both have accumulated followers and allies and they were all gathered in that conference room. Yet in the wards are our patients who are dying. Doctors and nurses who are trying their best to perform their duties to their patients yet remain to be exploited. Their work and their lives were compromised because of these imbecile's greed and selfishness.

As a renegade, i couldnt help but think of "happy thoughts". A bomb exploding inside the conference room would be enough to exterminate them. Nah. Bad idea. There are some good people in the room. It would be difficult to let them out first leaving the imbeciles behind before the bomb gets detonated. How about a poison to be included in the food that are served to them? I observed that they were given a different set of sandwiches and fruit juice. The tetra-pack 3-peso worth of juice were served to us and yet they received those in cans! Ooops, self, dont forget, you are just a mere resident yet. Let that pass. Now back to the poison, hmmm, this would be a messy job. I dont want to be exposed to these imbeciles vomitus. Ewww!

While i was having these thoughts running into my mind, i finally found my purpose. These people have masters in public administration. Why the inefficiency then? Why the corrupt practices? Why those mudslingings? After residency training, i shall train into subspecialization. I just hope my chairman doesnt read this. Neurology may not be for me. I am not taking the diplomate exam. After that meeting, i finally realized that i too shall pursue further studies in public administration. Then i shall train into another sub sub specialization. Aside from an MD, MPA after my name, i shall add another: MPAE...Master in Public Administrators' EXTERMINATION. Maybe by this time, i could think of a better way to clean up these "mess".