Family

For once, let me post something lighter in this blog just so to prove that this isnt just 100% ranting. You see, for the past few days, i couldnt help but look back on the decisions i've made after i passed the board exams. Passing that exam meant another chapter of my life ended and that i was bound to start another one. I couldnt imagine how i asked for signs and divine intervention on which road to take. I was verrrrry toxic when i was an intern that i decided to be an academician instead after the boards. Also, I couldnt take seeing my patients' lives drift away in front of me that i was discouraged to take further training.

My mom, optimistic that she is as ever, encouraged me to train. "What will happen to our health system if all the doctors will be as chicken as you are?" This she kept on asking me. I realized that she has a point there. Noone becomes a good doctor unless he/she trains. If i was afraid and affected by my patient's death, then i should give my best in return. In short, after several signs and after some time of thinking and rethinking, and not to mention that looooooongest month i've spent at home (since i've got nothing to do), i decided to train.

What specialization? My first love was really pediatrics. I love to be with kids. I hate their parents though especially toxic ones. Oh, not to forget their grandmothers - even more toxic than the parents. Imagine the scenario of having one toxic kid getting sick with almost a baranggay of relatives with her coming inside the emergency room. Since i also asked for a sign that i will train in the subject where i will excel in as reflected by my board rating, i took internal medicine instead. Did i mention that eversince, i was a lolo and a lola's girl? In short, i could relate well with the geriatrics too!

So here i am, currently in my 3rd year of training in internal medicine. Looking back, i really didnt have regrets that i pursued this specialization. What hindered me from taking pediatrics too was the fact that i really was not comfortable with the people around me in that Department. I felt no sense of family. Really! Even if people will tell me that their chairman was a mother herself, i didnt feel her being motherly when i was an intern. Other people even discouraged me to take up IM since aside from the fact that the department chairman was the strictest of all chairmen, he was also known for his temper. I witnessed it myself take note, on my first day as an intern in the department. A joke's running in the hospital too that the dreaded consultant in the pediatrics department was teased by their residents for according to them, he was the reason why i didnt pursue pediatrics since i was afraid of him. He on the other hand was wondering why i wasnt afraid of the IM's chairman. The punchline was, because IM's department chairman curse in English and not in the dialect.

Three years have passed and i could say that i still could stand another year here. Yep! Despite my toxicity. Despite those whining and rantings ive been making here. Actually, i was whining more about this crap hospital i am in right? Not about the department where i currently feel so at home. Sob! Am i having a separation anxiety here? Im not having my PMS right now but i just feel so melodramatic.

You see, i am called a resident because basically, i reside in the hospital. Every 3 days, i go on a 24-hour duty. Everyday, even during holidays, i report to the hospital for more than 8 hours. If i dont feel at home in this purple office that we have, then i will always be in a hurry going home. This what makes our department different from others. The camaraderie, the relationship with my colleagues, this i wouldnt trade above anything. The dreaded chairman that most people find to be is i guess the warmest and the most sincere of all. Ive witnessed his temper but i also witnessed the lighter side of him. This made me understand that the reason for him being such is because he just wanted the best from us. We are given the freedom to test our wings yet at the same time, we are guided on how to land. We could express our individualities without fear of unacceptance or scrutiny. We are pushed to our limits yet we are constantly encouraged to move further.

I may have experienced pains especially from that someone ive been ranting about here, yet this isnt enough to discourage me. I believe that there's always a deviant wherever you will go. Her presence is enough to spice up my stay here especially when things become a routine and get boring. Actually, she's a constant challenge to my patience and maturity. Other than this, i found another family outside of my home. With this, i will not wonder why a lot of our interns started to love the most dreaded department in the hospital. I will not even wonder why there will be a number of applicants who will be coming over. Work will only be work if you dont enjoy and love it. In the department where i belong, noone's working. We simply live everyday of our lives and enjoy our journey.

Aaaaaargh! Barf bag! I need a barf bag! Aaaaaack! You see, when im posting such stuffs as this one in here, i get sooooooo sick and uncomfortable! Oh well, let's just say that im selling our department. This is just one way of telling those who read this blog that we are now accepting applicants for residency training...hehehe