Stoned

Stoned...this is what i am right now.
Blame the crap system for being responsible.
Gone are my emotions, gone are those tears.
Everything seems mechanical for me.
No longer emotional, softy, or too attached.
Hide those signs of weakness that makes me vulnerable.
Principles are stepped upon and ignored by majority if you let them be.
"Survival of the fittest," so they say.

In my quest for survival i have to develop a protective shell.
In my fear of feeling pain and loss i started to harden.
In standing my ground, i learned to be brave.
In fighting for my right, i learned to be more assertive.
In my goal for excellence, i abhored mediocrity.

In this crap institution i am in, life became a constant struggle.
I am dealing with other people's lives and i feel so responsible for them.
Yet, how can i practice what's ideal when the government provides us with nothing?
How can i fight for life when my patients themselves are pathetic in saving their own lives?
How can i help others who are too hopeless to help themselves?
In a set up like ours, the practice of what's ideal remains in the confines of our books. Everything's just plain crap here.

As a result, life passes through my hands at a speed i couldnt imagine.
Death is as normal as breathing.
If i am not stoned, where will i find myself then?
If i wouldnt fight, where will my ideals go?
If i am placed in a different institution, will i feel the same way?
If i would leave this place however, who shall fight for them?