It's In the Can

Two weeks have passed since I took the diplomate board exam. Still, I am uncertain about the result of the said exam that I've been putting all my plans on hold. Am I really meant for subspecialization training or should I take a rest and have a time of my life for a year? My senior residents are already expecting me to join them in Manila. Here I am though, confused and still praying for the best. People have been telling me that I will make it - I just don't have enough confidence though. Is it lack of faith or simply a coping mechanism so as I won't get disappointed?

This exam is another determining factor in my medical career. Should I pass it, I shall pursue subspecialization training. This, I have been planning since several years ago in my so called Life plan. I felt very definite about this plan not until after I took the boards. I didn't realize that I will feel this uncertain about my future. I didn't even have an alternative plan in case I can't make it. People who know me say that it's in the bag that I must not worry. I don't know what's with me that I can't help but think about it and I usually refute them.

At present, I'm thinking about plan B in case subspecialization is not possible for this year. All my life, I have been planning everything that I would like to do. Not to the point of being an ob-c though. An obsessive compulsive I mean. I am not that organized but I too am not a scatter brain. Well, the Great Architect must have gone tired in assuring me of my future through the people I meet or the books I read. People tend to be more comforting and sympathizing just so to help make you feel better and books are made to usually help you feel better. This I always rationalize. So the Big Guy who holds His office upstairs didn't run out of ideas. He even used a softdrink can in reminding my stubborn self that I should expect for all good things. Who could refute an aluminum can? I'm silent now.