To The Max

My toxicity's to the max and so must my tolerance level be. I am on duty and it's just now, at 11 o'clock in the evening that i was able to come up to our conference room to rest, my now shouting varicosities. I have been walking to and fro literally around the hospital to answer ward calls and referrals. The only departments i didnt get referrals from were the departments of Pediatrics and Laboratory and the only place in the hospital i havent been to was the morgue.

Gaaaaad! This duty's really one of a kind. Every phone call in the ward that i go to is meant for me. I feel so in demand tonight. A lot of nurses are looking for me and no matter where i go, i was receiving a referral. Had a short time to rest at the ICU. But that was literally short! The nurses offered me some food to eat there. Unfortunately though, i havent taken my first bite yet when i had another phone call from the emergency room. Oh well! Nice! I have to leave my food behind and attend to the patient at the ER. When i came back, i had to go to the phone several times to answer calls while at the same time munching on my pork barbecue or spaghetti. Goodness how can i gain a little weight? My energy consumption exceeds my calorie intake.

I wanted to shout! I wanted to complain. Oh well God i did complain. Why are things sooooo toxic right now? Why cant i have even just a few minutes of rest? The nurses at the wards were laughing at me. How will i grow if i am this toxic? How can i have a lovelife when im always on the run? Why didnt i pass on my toxicity to my juniors? Etcetera...etcetera. Of course, i switched to my autistic mode so as not to hear them.

I had an episode of self-pity. Why am i in this career? Why am i in this hospital? Why are others not that toxic when they are on duty? Why is God unfair? Why are other people soooo unfair? Heck, Cel! I realized that the minutes i spent on self-pity and on complaining or getting angry, must rather be spent on answering referrals. Had 6 referrals already actually and it's not 12 midnight yet.

Oh life. If i should have known that being a doctor entails such challenge not just to the body but to the psyche as well, i should have pursued my career on acting instead. At least in showbiz though they stay up late, they stay up late for tapings and not in monitoring toxic patients. Actors may go on rounds but on mall tours instead of the stinky and filthy wards. They're get paid to look good while we, doctors, have to pay to look good. Oooops, i'm hypoglycemic. Read my words. I'm currently not in my lucid interval. Time for my dinner now midnight snack! Whoah! Did you read that? I can finally eat again!

But oh can you hear that? The phone's ringing again!!!! Aaaaargh! Lord, give me patience...Amen. Riiiiiiiiiiing! Riiiiiiiiing! What the #$@^&*...more patience, Lord.