Drained Out

I am from duty. Was in my toxic mode again last night. Had to pronounce 5 deaths, one of which was very controversial. I dont mind physical challenges like seeing and admitting several patients in a 24-hour duty. What affects me most and tire me most is the emotional baggage that comes with it that consequently reflects to me, physically. Such would include disclosing to the patients' families their grave prognoses, arguing with difficult folks, much more announcing to the relatives that their patient has already moved on to the spirit world.

After pronouncing the patient's death, i would always expect wailing (usually from women relatives) complete with the silent but sometimes violent reactions from the men (hitting the wall with one's clenched fist for example...ouch!) It's like real life telenovela happening before my very eyes. I on the other hand who always find myself in the middle of the drama, couldnt help but project in my most empathetic look. Selected and comforting words delivered. A short but comforting tap on the shoulder of the grieving relatives shared.

As i leave the death's room however, i couldnt help but feel the pain of those who were left behind. I have been witnessing such sights for several years now but my heart hasnt gone numb yet to share with them their loss. As a result, i always end up drained out without my knowing. Ironic though but i could feel this draining out physically.

Five deaths to pronounce, 26 patients to reevaluate and several others to examine with a bonus of a 30-minute nap for the whole 24-hours, i am lucky to be awake still posting this blog. My battery's already sending an alarm that i need to be recharged. My feet are shouting that they need a foot spa and my whole body's complaining that it needed a very comforting massage. My brain's quite tolerant to toxicity i guess. If it isnt, i must be in dreamworld by now. My spirit on the other hand quenched its thirst when i attended the mass this afternoon. In summary, it seems that my brain and spirit are still capable of going on another 24-hour duty. On the contrary, my body tells them that it's drained out and needed a break. Goodness! I'm getting older!