Respect

Note: This post has been reedited several times in order to make this safe for public consumption. I believe in social responsibility. Much that i cant help it, but the traffic in this blogsite has increased. Thus, i have to the best that i could, screen my posts to a less harmful level, before i publish them. If you still find this post offensive though, read on, i need not explain why.=)

----

I believe that respect is earned. You dont ask other people to respect you nor can you buy it from them. I for one couldnt force myself to give my respect to someone who doesnt deserve it. Just like this someone who started my day on a very bad note.

I call him with a lot of names. I think it's but normal to call someone who pisses me off with a lot of names. It's one way of releasing that uncomfortable feeling towards that someone actually. I know it's quite an un-Christian way doing such but the heck! I know however that God will understand why i'm acting this way. I'm not running for a saintly position and im not forcing my way into heaven. It's just that im this expressive when im angered by someone. Well, why should i suffer keeping this bad feeling inside of me when i have the opportunity to pour it out in this blog? Oooops, too much rationalization now.

Back to this someone, call him Totoy Bibo. I even have names for him in the vernacular that i'd rather not mention. He's Totoy Bibo, for recently, he's become visible in the hospital. I dont know if i have talked about our administrators here who were temporarily suspended from their functions a few months ago because of some irregularities. Anyhow, this Totoy Bibo was the only one left from the old administration. He's supposed to be the one in charge of training in this hospital but i really am not sure if his job description is clear to him. He's in charge with the training of the interns and residents and for the past 3 years that i've worked as a resident here, i havent seen him performing his function.

When the new administrators came however, in the person of Dolores Umbridge, Severius Snapes, and Albus Dumbledore, this Totoy Bibo became very active. He reports to the hospital almost everyday, he calls meetings most of the time and the department that he runs improved (in a way) in its services. He talks as if he knows everything that's happening in the hospital. Truth is, he has spread himself too thinly with the jobs and responsibilities that he assumes in and outside of this hospital to the point that he can't function well. He too owns businesses outside of the hospital that made him more unethical. Rumor has it that he too has the interest to the throne. The heck with that throne that it attracts personalities who are greedy to fame, wealth and position. Seems like the ring in LOTR, eh. In short, im thinking that the reason for his being very active is because he was trying to build an impression with the new administrators. Maybe, these guys could recommend him to the throne.

He's just so phony however to the point that he's quite so obvious being such. Granting however that i am wrong, the reason maybe why he's very visible nowadays and is performing his function well, is that he might be dying. Bad people only become good when they know that they're dying.

To wrap things up, i need not elaborate on what transpired today. It's just that earlier in the Tuesday conference, i embarassed him in front of Dolores. I just answered in defense of my department and of our consultants. Fact is he's the one who's at fault should the conference be cancelled for he didnt organize it. He was trying to use my consultants however as a scapegoat. I definitely wouldnt allow it to happen that i have to explain our side too. What pissed me off was that he called me in front to talk about a certain patient when in fact we werent given the protocol earlier and i didnt have the slightest idea of who the patient was. He was trying to get even by calling me in front but fact is, what he did ricocheted and hit him back after i explained my side why i couldnt talk about the patient. It turned out that the conference was not planned and organized but since he was too ashamed to admit his mistake, he put the blame to the other departments.

Tell me now if i should pay respect to this someone. It's easier for me to give my respect to the helper or janitor who works his ass off for our patients' benefits than to respect a phony individual who's covered with money, position and title and oh, greed!

Techie Mom

One thing that i really admire about my mom is that she's not afraid to try new things out. If other moms out there her age, are afraid even to tap on the pc's keyboard, mom's different. She could handle a pc or a laptop, could manage excel, word or powerpoint, could surf the web and i guess she could do almost everything that's expected to be learned about technology by a mom in her early 50's. Well, she's just blessed to have techie kids, that's why.hehe At least she could call anyone from the 4 of us for help in case she'll be needing one.

Recently, we had a little argument. Little, for we really seldom argue. The topic was on which phone to order for her postpaid plan. One of her line's due for a retainer phone and i found on the list that she could avail of this smartphone that i have been crushing on since its release. Oh well, call me weird but im more attracted to phones and technology than to men. Nah, point is you could eliminate a certain gadget out of your life with less hassle than eliminating a boyfriend. Now back to my crush (the smartphone), she will just shell out a little cash in order to avail it. My mom, wise spender that she is, preferred to settle on the retainer phone in her plan instead so that she cant shell out any cash. I on the other hand (who's very much attracted to this smartphone), offered to donate a part of my salary for the said phone so that she could avail it. Of course, mom agreed. Who wouldnt take an offer? In short, she applied for that phone.

The argument came when about 2 days after the said application, she told me that she cancelled it. Huwaaaaat? She settled on the free phone instead and would want to take the cash that i'll be offering instead. Mom?!? I was kind of irritated with the said decision. Sometimes mom decides in a split second you know. I was too excited for the said phone more than her and then i will be disappointed by the sudden changes of plan? Aaaaargh! I really argued with her. I laid down my premises and supported my cause. Realizing i guess that i really have certain points, she only muttered, "There will always be next time."

For you see, about 2 or 3 years ago, i was prodding her to buy the palm treo. Being in the business world, this thing is really very handy for her. She had several considerations to the point that she already decided not to buy it. Not of course until one afternoon when she asked me to accompany her. I really dont know what she had eaten that time that i found myself purchasing the unit in a cellfone shop with her. Geez! Should i have known earlier, i must have canvassed from one store to another for a good buy. Well, this is mom!

So i totally forgot about my crush. I was already disheartened during that time. I was thinking that if mom wouldnt want it, then maybe i could have it once my plan will due for another retainer phone. I just feel sorry for this phone really fits her needs and yet she didnt want it. The phone was already out of my mind not until mom called me to accompany her again. Knowing that im the most techie among her kids, i was asked to join her again in claiming her new phone. To my surprise, mom reconsidered! She got my ultimate crush! The Sony Ericsson P1i!
The reason why i didnt want to have it myself is because of its QWERT keypad. Since mom's been using treo, she's used to this stuff. The reason why im pushing her to have it. That was quite a surprise from mom actually. Surprise for one, she realized that i was right in my choice that's why she took the phone, and lastly, i already crossed out from my budget the amount that i am supposed to contribute for this phone. Waaaaah! Oh mom!

Relieved

I feel so relieved! The 2nd presentation of the interns was over today and it went on smoothly. What after threatening Murphy? Should his law had manifested again today, i'll definitely be running after him even in hell. Im exaggerating alright. Why the hell should i follow him in hell? I have enough hell-like experiences in this crap hospital already. Ooops! How many "hell" did i just type?

First time's are really different. The first presentation was almost traumatic to me. Renegade that i am though, never will i succumb and let that experience traumatize me. I learned from it and vowed to avoid committing the same blunders again the next time. This next time was this afternoon's presentation. I felt like a stage mom, anxious, nervous, concerned about the presentation. After our big boss commented about it and on how the presentor delivered her report well, i felt so happy and relieved! Imagine that at 2:25 in the afternoon, i heard the phrase, "VERY GOOD!" coming from him that's addressed to her. I've witnessed how happy she was. From the "i-am-dying-look", i've seen how her face lightened up. Whew!

Heck! What with all the encouragements and support coming from her fellow pgi's and I? Her fellow interns were helping her out with her presentation too. Others would cover for her in her duties, some would stay until the wee hours of the morning doing research for her. Also, we've used up all the encouraging words on her that we even resorted to reverse psych her this morning since this girl really has a (psych) problem. She was so afraid of the big boss and she was so anxious with her presentation. Confidence level was at 50% and fear at almost 100%. Several times did she ask me to excuse her from her duty to the point that it was ok for her to incur extensions for her absence just so she could finish her slides. Nah! I prefer an intern who could perform multitasking i told her. Not compromising her duties and at the same time preparing for her report. I could sense that this girl has something great in her but as usual, these talents are yet untapped and undiscovered. I dont know why like the other people i know, she continues to live in fear, forgetting how gifted and talented she is. In short, she continued to report on duty, she was able to finish her manuscript and was able to deliver her report well.

Goodness! Though this presentation was less stressful than the previous one, i was a bit stressed more with the reporter. When i saw her last slide though, i was relieved like her. She hugged me after most of the people have left, thanking me for the support. Oh, she was thankful with my reverse psych tactics? Like telling her that im going to send her home and that her reporting will be cancelled after all those sleepless nights and efforts that she had, after she commented that she felt like giving up. Oh well, maybe it's both a gift and a curse having the talent to deal with different kinds of people. So long as everything turns out for the good of everybody though, i will be complaining no more.


p.s.
The success of the presentation this afternoon was i guess a collective effort. Two down, and we're left with only 15 presentations.=)

New Comrades

I will not wonder why it's been quite some time before i'm able to post something here. Life's been quite good with me lately that i didnt have enough trash to post. This one's not a trash either. Rather, one of a few light posts in this blog. In other words, if my other posts were trash, this one's recycled - meaning you could read this over and over again without feeling drained.

For you see, we had 3 applicants in the department. Previous interns who are committed to join our growing family. New comrades who will help us save lives and make or break lives. Saving the lives of our patients is our ultimate goal. Making or breaking the lives of our interns is secondary. Nah! For my last statement, i'll go for "making". These new comrades of ours who were previously slugs, roaches and the like, are now full-fledge doctors like us. If we broke their spirits when they were interns, then they shouldnt have applied in our department in the first place. I believe that we have one ruling objective in our deparment and that is to inspire future doctors. This one hell of profession that we have will definitely be a hell if one is uninspired and not driven. Maybe in the course of their internship, spearheaded by our big boss, we have inspired these new comrades of ours in one way or another.

I believe that with the additional members of our family, the workload will be lighter. There will never be a time that we will be going on duty alone. I hope that there will never be a time that one has to reach a point that she has to divide her body to answer simultaneous toxic referrals. I am looking forward to a 24-hour duty with a longer sleeping time. The latter, i have been dreaming to experience eversince i was an intern. I dont know if it's really me who's toxic for not being able to experience this so called complete bed rest, or maybe i just couldnt take sleeping over my responsibilities. Now as a senior, who have experienced toxicity at its best for the past 3 years, i guess i deserve some time of comfort too once our additional comrades start. I'm saying this with my fingers crossed.

The more the merrier so they say. Our family has gone bigger now. I just hope that no matter how big our family shall become, the bonding and camaraderie among the renegades will continue. I hope that we'll still be united in our goal of "saving and making lives". I wish that our new comrades also have this in their hearts and minds. Experience tells me however, that there's a "theory of natural selection" that's going on in our wards. It's not us who really screen the neophytes. Rather, it's our ward that kicks out undeserving ones and it's the ward that helps support the chosen few to survive.

Me, Murphy 'n Mary

I really couldnt imagine my loooongest THREE (3) hours today! I have experienced MURPHY'S LAW at its finest! When i say finest, ive reached the point that i would really decide to quit residency training and abandon my duty today. My psyche was challenged to the fullest. My logical reasoning and objective thinking were measured. My emotional quotient was once again tested.

"ANYTHING THAT CAN GO WRONG, WILL GO WRONG."

This WRONG happened to everything all at the same time. Starting at around 9 in the morning today, a cascade of events happened. An outpouring of Murphy's Law.

SCENARIO:
Date: September 8, 2007
Time: 8:30 am
Venue: A conference hall in Crap Hospital
Activity: 1st Post Graduate Interns' Conference , the brainchild of our Boss and consequently, our Department's project too.

1. Imagine a hall with jalousie windows in its entirety at 9 o'clock in the morning. Imagine how very well lit the hall was. Quite a nice venue for a conference alright. Catch is, we'll be using an LCD projector and the curtains that serve to render the hall dark were sent to the laundry.

2. The one assigned in that hall to facilitate things was off. It's a Saturday, remember? In short, have to look for someone responsible for the job. Finally, after calling the maintenance office, i was referred to the janitor who was supposed to put the curtains up.

3. The janitor who was tasked to do it was absent.

4. At exactly 9 o'clock AM, the supposed to be time of the scheduled conference, not one resource speaker was around yet. Good thing they havent arrived yet for...

5. After how many weeks of preparation for the presentation, the final slide presentation went pffft! Yep! After the main computer where the presentor was working on crashed.

Tintintin tintin tintintintintin tintintintin tintin tintin...it's almost equivalent to a wedding without the bride. The special character of the occasion. Okaaay! A wedding without a groom if as an opposite sex you felt offended.tee-hee

6. Called our boss to ask for a 30-minute allowance for us to solve the problem. It would have been worse if he comes to the venue without the presentation. The reason why i called him right away about the problem. The reply was a bit expected but i wouldnt have wished to hear. HE'S NOT COMING TO THE PRESENTATION! This is his brainchild and he's not attending it?

7. I am on duty. The emergency room was my post this morning since my junior had to make rounds to her patients. At the peak of my toxicity, i was receiving referrals from the ER nurses.

8. Out of the blue, the OPD nurse texted me too. There are 8 patients for consult. However, the doctor assigned at the OPD was on an emergency leave. Again?!!? What the hell! He once again left his post without a word.

9. Finally, a consultant came to attend. Finding herself alone however and knowing that the slides are being finalized yet, she eventually left. Great!

10. Didnt have breakfast, was hungry, was tensed, pressured, and disappointed. The food caterer was late for the appointment and couldnt be reached through her cellfone.

11. Tried to call her landline but the only available fone inside that hall has a broken pad. The number 9 pad was busted that i cant dial any number with a 9. Sheesh! The caterer's number has a 9 in it!

12. Planned to call her through my cellfone. After several calls and texts that ive made and received however, my fone was on the verge of draining. Not a single soul in the hall has a charger. Mine was in our conference room.

13. Called up our office to ask our secretary for my charger but she was not around. Called her up through her fone with the remaining life that my battery has. She couldnt be reached!

Aaaaargh! After all of these, I found myself standing on the stairway outside of the conference hall breathing some fresh air. I really was contemplating resignation. I have invested too much effort and time in this project too. By whatever force there is and whatever law of murphy or whoever, everything just screwed up! What's worse was that the man behind all of these decided to cancel everything! I felt like i was abandoned in the battle by my superior. I've supported him in this project, spent time with the interns too knowing that this project could benefit them. I've done the best that i could for the activity, the presentor prepared for this too and it was that simple for him to cancel everything? It's like all our efforts were doomed to drain. This was supposed to be a great project that's facing its death before it is even born. Hmmm, call it abortion?

While thinking of the most logical thing to do, i realized that i was standing right in front of the image of the Virgin. I remembered that it's her birthday today. Greeted her and asked her for whatever enlightenment. Asked her for comfort too. I was on the verge of crying but since i was in that public place, i dont want to expose my tears to whoever was around. I wished for all these things to stop from happening.

By whatever Divine intervention, all the wrong things that happened were corrected. The curtains were up, the food came, the slides were finalized again, my co-residents covered at the OPD and at the ER, after we've talked, the Big Man behind all of these decided to come to the venue and finally, the presentation was pushed through! Not only that, the Big Man was a bit contented with it. I was anticipating a walk-out drama should the presentation be a crap and couldnt meet his standard.

By 12 noon, while admitting patients at the ER, i received texts from our interns asking me to go back to the venue to eat. The big boss called me too. I guess he was already munching on that lechon that ive painstakingly (kapalmuks) asked from a drug company. Whew! All the while i was thinking that that pig will die without a purpose. Only to find out that its death was in celebration of a victory and the birthday of the one who countered Murphy - Mary.=)

The 48th Hour

I survived my 24-hour duty as the lone resident yesterday. After admitting 33 patients for the whole 24 hours, take note, the previous' day duties only had 14, i still am awake on my 48th hour. Together with two of our interns, who woke me up from my slumber by invading my room, we're finishing a report that's due on Saturday. Just got back from Mc Donald's after our caffeine fix. We realized that all three of us were on duty the other night and we needed it to power us up. With the way things are running now, we're expecting to last for a few more hours. Tsk! Tsk! I really cannot understand why people always love to cram.