Wednesday, July 25, 2007

The Notebook

I am preparing the post graduate intern's exam for their board review. Have to ask a friend of mine in Manila to send me some review materials and my very reliable notebook when i took the board exam 3 years ago. I was not after for the notes ive written in that notebook. I was after for the "reminder" that ive written myself 3 years ago while i was reviewing for the boards. I am planning to share those reminders with our interns. Reminders that i hope would help keep their fight especially those who are already on the verge of quitting.

Being reunited with that notebook after 3 looong years, brought back memories on how i struggled during those times. I was just forcing myself to study. I was during that time, been stupid by wallowing in depression for reasons that i guess need not be mentioned here. Reading those entries again, written at the back of the notebook made me laugh. I didnt realize how neurotic i was and on how i imposed things on myself just so ill be forced to study.

(Note: I was 26 years old during that time...that's why 26...hehe)

1. If you dont study, you might fail. If you fail, YOU STILL HAVE TO TAKE IT ANYWAY - NO EXCEPTIONS! (in bold letters as if emphasizing a point which in retrospect, was really a point.hehe)

2. You can SLEEP and REST ALL THE TIME YOU WANT...when you PASS (hmm, for a month's time? After a month of doing nothing, i started to miss my toxic life in the hospital. So here i am, "intoxicated" at work, all the time.)

3. Others DONT GET TIRED. Why CANT YOU? (referring to my friends who never get tired of reading until the wee hours of the morning. Late sleepers, early risers. Me, myself and I on the other hand was an early sleeper and a late riser during those times.)

4. If you fail...S H A M E on YOU! (Ooooops!)

5. S H A M E on your PARENTS! (Geez, if there were people that i was really thinking about during the boards, it would be my folks. This item in #5 might have been my drive.)

6. You're TOO OLD TO DEPEND ON YOUR PARENTS (speaking of extended adolescence)

7. You're old enough to DISCIPLINE YOURSELF TO STUDY (need not elaborate)

8. It's sweeter to pass the 1st Time (EXACTLY!)

9. People expect you to pass (speaking of how i carried this load on my shoulders. Now, the heck with other people's expectations. I'm going to live my life, MY WAY.)

10. There's NO OTHER ALTERNATIVE (After medical school, if i dont pass this exam, what will become of me? An albularyo to the barrios?)

11. Your sister, younger than you are is already enjoying her income (even until now)

12. I am not sure whether i deliberately omitted number 12 or i had a mistake in numbering so maybe this slot was reserved for the reason of my lack of drive in studying.

13. You dont want to go home disheartened...DO YOU? (I really internalized this one. The mere thought of going home disheartened made me more depressed yet this kept me going)

14. Remember how good it feels signing your name below the prescription...without any pair (i might have ran out of good ideas.)

15. Your patients are waiting for you. (and they kept on haunting me until now because of my toxicity)

16. Your students are anxious to meet you. (Uh-oh! i wasnt planning to train during that time...i planned to become an academician after the boards after i realized that i got tired of the clinics because of my toxicity)

17. YOUR PLANE TICKETS - ROUND TRIP - ARE FREE! (this was given to me as a prize for an achivement)

18. YOU ACCOMMODATION in CAVITE IS FREE (was invited by a friend to her place)

19. A LOT OF PEOPLE PRAY FOR YOU. (Thanks to all you!)

20. You're bound to give honor to your ALMA MATER (hmmm loyalista!)

21. You are indebted to LA SALLE (even until now)

22. You study to learn, not just to pass. (asus!)

23. You want to fulfill a childhood dream (wanting to start the final chapter of an unending journey in school)

24. This is the only way to become a FULL FLEDGED DOCTOR (is there another option?)

25. You are TOO BLESSED TO BE A MEDIOCRE (yebba! come on self! what was your orientation during those times?hehe)


Hmmmmm...self explanatory. I really WAS DESTINED TO PASS IT.


Rhea Joy Tabujara said...

hehehe...igo gd ko ba...but then tapos na ko sa quitting realized ko na that Winners win because they dont quit!
Domino effect lg to gro sg last ma..haha..d ba cling ko sa imo it will pass lg...

Rhea Joy Tabujara said...

anyway, thanks sa mga reminders...i-add ko na sa list ko!

AngelMD-No-More said...

haha quitters are losers ayt? tuloy ang laban ah...there are still even bigger challenges that await you in the future.

snglguy said...

Funny how we learn a lot about ourselves when we look back at what we wrote a year, or 2 years ago... :-)

AngelMD-No-More said...

haha and this is what blogging is for.=)

Rhea Joy Tabujara said...

of course quitters are losers...but there's nothing wrong mn gro if we may feel quitting sometimes...hahaha

pateh ma turning back na ni... before i always ak myself if this is the kind of life i wanted...sbg nakita ko na ang answer...

you're one of the few who had made me realized it...thanks ma!

AngelMD-No-More said...

waaaaah ako gid ya? there's no rule day...jaz enjoy wat ure doing...enjoy life to the fulllest despite all of the negative people and energy around you. only you can determine what will make you feel fulfilled.=)

Rhea Joy Tabujara said...

your effort of teaching me and how you deal with your patients had inspired me to move on and enjoy my journey despite the negative experiences i had gone through...medyo drama pero tuod na ya ma...that's y cling ko sa imo, lain ka sa iban...THANKS A LOT!!!

AngelMD-No-More said...

ay nga kadramahan...hehe

Rhea Joy Tabujara said...

hello! d na drama ya...haha....