Friday, April 03, 2009

The Cost of Training

Today, I'm adding another year into my earthly existence. Happy birthday to me...not. As others look forward to their birthdays, this year, I dreaded for this day to come. As it is about to end four hours from now, i can say that this is the worst or shall we say the saddest birthday I had. I might have spent several birthdays away from home when I was in medical school but this day's different. Not even my current housemates know that it's my day today.

Is this the cost of training? I might say that this is good for just two years but just a month old in training already made me ask myself if I am threading in the right path. People my age who aren't doctors in profession are already married by this time. Doctors I know who are in a relationship or who are single are in a hurry to get hitched. Here's my morphine on the other hand who directly or indirectly been bugging me about the getting hitched thing - though without the engagement ring yet. (The reason why I'm not taking him seriously.) Him, bringing up the topic on getting married however make me feel that I am quite abnormal for at present, I am putting this training in the front seat with me. Other girlfriends have been waiting for years for their boyfriends to talk about this thing yet here I am, sounding so defensive.

As a consequence of this training, I am celebrating my birthday alone. Away from my family, away from my friends, away from my morphine and I AM NOT happy. Calls aren't enough to wash away the loneliness. I am never this way. I have never been this pathetic. I don't know but when I am in the hospital, I seem to like my job. I love the subspecialty I'm training in. When I enter into an empty room though in my apartment, I realize how alone I am in this jungle I am in. Dog eats dog. Noone seems to care for anybody. Everyone seems mechanical and academic to me. Everyone is in quest for knowledge and learning. Not a warm single soul. I don't know, or this could be just a product of my altered perception.

Here are some reasons why this is the saddest birthday I had. At least, I couldn't blame my PMS for feeling this way because of these factors: I AM SPENDING THIS BIRTHDAY...
1. away from home
2. away from my morphine
3. without my friends
4. sick...literally, the doctor is sick for two days now
5. with people i just knew and worked with
6. in a place like Manila
7. on a Friday of Lent which for us Catholics is a day of...FASTING! Great!

Well, aren't these points valid enough for me to whine in this blog? What a good post to share with friends who missed reading them.hehe

This too shall pass. This too shall pass. This I have always to remember. I'm sure this too shall pass once this PMS is over.hehe


sheng said...

Happy happy Birthday! Did Allan Barredo greet you? Hehe, nagkita kami dito sa Gensan eh, umuwi siya rito and I told him bday mo, i know it was sad but i still hope you enjoyed!

I know naman you have friends who have greeted you so i guess they remember you. I miss your posts!

sheng said...

Happy happy Birthday! Did Allan Barredo greet you? Hehe, nagkita kami dito sa Gensan eh, umuwi siya rito and I told him bday mo, i know it was sad but i still hope you enjoyed!

I know naman you have friends who have greeted you so i guess they remember you. I miss your posts!

Lawstude said...

Just wanna share this fave verse of mine kasi Holy Week na:

"For everything comes from God alone. Everything lives by his power, and everything is for his glory." Romans 11:36

May you have a meaningful lenten season Doc and Belated Happy Birthday too.

Garando said...

Belated Happy Birthday! Many years back when I used to live on my own, I spent my birthdays alone on a barstool. There was this American-style bar in Makati where I can drink alone and not look like a complete loser... and the bartender was always good company. Too bad the place closed down after a couple of years, it was a great place to wash the loneliness away with some booze.
Try treating yourself to a massage or maybe a banana split. That usually works for me. :)

AngelMD-No-More said...

sheng: yep! pariente allan texted me.hehehe thanks thanks gid. sowee been too busy with work to reply here. have a blessed lenten season.

lawstude: ey atty! thank you...this is a belated thank you too. anyways, thanks din for sharing that verse. Yep! everything is really for His glory.

garando: ey manong! thanks. manila is really a jungle for me and it really is testing my maturity.hehe the reason why im having a difficulty adjsting here is that we were so pampered in bacolod.hehe dasmarinas was no different from where we came from the reason why i made it through medical school for 4 years. Well, i just have to give this a try. I'll conquer mla! har har har

Rudy said...

Belated Happy Birthday Angel. Hope you're feeling better now. And don't worry, the feeling of loneliness will soon pass once you busy yourself with work... or study... or whatever it is you're up to, hehe. :-D

Reena said...

hey, a new post! :)

belated happy birthday. i too celebrated my birthday a few days ago. also away from my family...but what's worse is that my lolo died. it's so sad diba?

anyway, hope you're feeling better now. and see you at teh blogosphere soon!

AngelMD-No-More said...

sngl: thanks sngl!=) yep im better now...way way better...bdays only happen for a day and once they're over, so are the sentiments.hehe

reena: thanks and belated too.=) aries ka din pala?hehe btw,please extend my condolences to ur family. hope ure better now too.=)

Walking on Water said...

belated happy birthday.=) can't imagine how difficult adjusting to this place is for you. ako nga, i've spent almost 12 years here in this city, it can still drive me mad. think of this as an adventure. a really big and exciting one.
buti ka nga you have opioids around. hehehe