Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Autistic Mode

If one could only feel how it is being inside a pressure cooker, i could say that i'm experiencing it right now. I could feel the pressure coming from everywhere. The pressure that's supposed to soften me. I chose not to soften though. Rather, i chose to be flexible and maleable, not hardened. Trying to adjust and adapt to the situation that im currently in.

When alone i'd rather put my earphones on and listen to my playlist. The mp3s that im listening to absorb me. I'm placed into a different dimension. I'm once again in my autistic mode. Oblivious to my surroundings no matter how noisy. Not feeling my emotions no matter how chaotic. Music bathes my soul, refreshing it, keeping it whole. If i could feel how it is being inside a pressure cooker, with my earphones on, i could feel how it is being in heaven.

Sadly however, my peace is usually interrupted by people around me. A patient's folk complaining, a nurse referring, an intern asking querries, a friend in need, or anyone who is not considerate enough to let me experience peace and quiet.

My duty was over. Now that i'm home, i'm spending my time alone. It's really different being alone with myself. It feels great to be in touch with my emotions, with my inner child. The pressure that surrounds me slowly dissipates. The load im carrying starts to lighten. Sometimes i get into thinking: It really is different to be innately AUTISTIC.

2 comments:

veron said...

yeah, pressure sucks

AngelMD said...

thanks for dropping by my "trash bin" veron...i jaz hope that u didnt have a negative after-feel after browsing through my posts...hehe