The Cost of Training

Today, I'm adding another year into my earthly existence. Happy birthday to me...not. As others look forward to their birthdays, this year, I dreaded for this day to come. As it is about to end four hours from now, i can say that this is the worst or shall we say the saddest birthday I had. I might have spent several birthdays away from home when I was in medical school but this day's different. Not even my current housemates know that it's my day today.

Is this the cost of training? I might say that this is good for just two years but just a month old in training already made me ask myself if I am threading in the right path. People my age who aren't doctors in profession are already married by this time. Doctors I know who are in a relationship or who are single are in a hurry to get hitched. Here's my morphine on the other hand who directly or indirectly been bugging me about the getting hitched thing - though without the engagement ring yet. (The reason why I'm not taking him seriously.) Him, bringing up the topic on getting married however make me feel that I am quite abnormal for at present, I am putting this training in the front seat with me. Other girlfriends have been waiting for years for their boyfriends to talk about this thing yet here I am, sounding so defensive.

As a consequence of this training, I am celebrating my birthday alone. Away from my family, away from my friends, away from my morphine and I AM NOT happy. Calls aren't enough to wash away the loneliness. I am never this way. I have never been this pathetic. I don't know but when I am in the hospital, I seem to like my job. I love the subspecialty I'm training in. When I enter into an empty room though in my apartment, I realize how alone I am in this jungle I am in. Dog eats dog. Noone seems to care for anybody. Everyone seems mechanical and academic to me. Everyone is in quest for knowledge and learning. Not a warm single soul. I don't know, or this could be just a product of my altered perception.

Here are some reasons why this is the saddest birthday I had. At least, I couldn't blame my PMS for feeling this way because of these factors: I AM SPENDING THIS BIRTHDAY...
1. away from home
2. away from my morphine
3. without my friends
4. sick...literally, the doctor is sick for two days now
5. with people i just knew and worked with
6. in a place like Manila
7. on a Friday of Lent which for us Catholics is a day of...FASTING! Great!

Well, aren't these points valid enough for me to whine in this blog? What a good post to share with friends who missed reading them.hehe

This too shall pass. This too shall pass. This I have always to remember. I'm sure this too shall pass once this PMS is over.hehe