Monday, July 10, 2006

Two Kinds of Evil

There are two kinds of evil. The ones who do evil things and the ones who allowed these evil things to happen.

I was thinking that the Monday conference this morning would be different from the others. Here was our boss who had a lot of ideas that are overflowing from his gray matter, who talked about his plans in the committee that he was heading. The audience would tend to agree with his ideas and plans...all for the benefit of the hospital especially our patients. I was wrong though. The conference would have been different from the Monday crap conferences we are obliged to attend, if not for one individual who wanted to let it remain as crap as ever. Aside from wasting our time listening to arguments and witnessing emotional outbursts, it started my week on a wrong mood.

Funny how one person who would want everybody be in a win-win situation be scrutinized in front and be questioned of his pure and sincere intentions. He must have hit a sensitive part somewhere. It's like, "bato bato sa langit, ang tamaan wag magalit." The one who stood up and who was very defensive was obviously guilty! His points of argument were out of the topic. If i know, he has just self interests to protect to.

How i hated other people who remained quiet. They all have something to say yet they remained quiet in their seats. I would want to stand and object with what the guilty evil was saying but that would be an insubordination on my part. I, a junior resident, questioning the administrator of the hospital? If consultants who are way older than i am couldnt even speak a single word, what more can a resident like me do? Darn! I got scared!

I was sorry for my boss. I was sorry for my patients. I was sorry for the hospital. Sorry for myself. Here's what you get from speaking your mind and from sharing your purest intentions for the benefit of the patients. People will question you no matter how clear that there's no point of argument. Fact is, their self interests are just endangered. Mediocrity and corruption have never left government institutions. They have become the battle-cry i guess of every government-ran agency. We were even reminded that since we are working in a government institution, we must abide with the rules and regulations of the government. Crap! Plain foolish crap! This is all i could say.

I am just in my 2nd year in this hospital...ok make it three if ill include my internship. I have witnessed two kinds of evil that exist in this institution. Those who do evil - the corrupt and mediocre ones, and those who allowed these evils to exist - the fence-sitters and apathetic ones. As i stay longer here, i try to examine what ive become. Definitely not with the first group. Im afraid though that if i wouldnt speak, ill definitely belong to the latter.

As of now, im learning the talent of diplomacy. Speaking what my gray matter would want to convey and expressing what my heart would want to be a courteous, civil and peaceful way. I'm trying to conceal my identity of being a renegade. When the time is right and there's a need for me to speak up, i know that i will not be just giving justice to myself, but justice to the deprived majority - our patients.

Hell, this is the reason why i am here! If i remain quiet and belong in the 2nd group of evils, i'd better leave this crap institution and rather plant camote.