Sunday, February 03, 2008

Guilt-trip

This post is a day late. I was about to post this one last night but my broadband connection was having its fits. I was planning to shift to another company yet ive heard comments that its service is not good either. Another alternative company would even be worse than the second option. What the hell's going on with these telecommunication companies? Cant DOTC try to check them out from time to time if their subscribers are getting their worth? Dimmit!

Ooops, back to regular programming.

So yesterday was my "pamper-myself-day". A lunchdate was cancelled because of some changes in the duty schedule so i was lucky enough to spend the whole afternoon with tadaaaaan...MYSELF. Geeez, i miss myself. Eventhough i was an innate autistic, i really miss myself. I mean, i havent spent quality time alone with myself. Havent asked her how she's doing. I know she's in good shape but i failed to treat her out for quite a long time now.

After spending lunch with a friend (i find it awkward to eat all alone in a restaurant...maybe im not a 100% autistic all along), i decided to give myself a treat. I went to the parlor and had my hair and nails done. Everytime im doing this, i always go into a guilt-trip and i loved the idea.

A guilt-trip? Well, i made rounds in the hospital that morning. I came from a place where money was as essential as air in order to live. Majority of our patients are literally below the poverty line. Statistics say that these are people who are earning less than a dollar a day. So that's basically around Php 40.50 with the latest exchange rate. Others dont even earn a penny. In other words, they solely rely on divine providence. Divine providence coming from a neighbor, the social service, the nurses, or their overworked but underpaid doctors.

These patients also have a family to feed. In short if they are earning less than forty pesos a day, how can they buy their medications? How can they feed their family? Guilt-tripping then came into the picture. I recalled the money i spent for lunch. A little around Php 250. How about for my nails? For my hair? For the new blouse i bought?

I felt guilty for spending such amount of money for these stuffs when in fact a lot of our patients have nothing in their pockets. I felt guilty for saving on a macbook when these people im making rounds with everyday dont even have any penny to save.

Looking at myself in the mirror while my hair was being blown-dry, i put an end to my guilt-trip. Instead, i started to be thankful for these blessings im currently receiving. Yep! Ive missed myself much for i spent most of my time with these patients. I may indulge with some pleasures of pampering myself from time to time because im just compensating for the time ive spent going on 24-hour duties. I may be splurging my money on what others might consider as a luxury, but i guess myself deserves such treat after all the toxicities ive faced in the hospital.

You know what's nice with this guilt-tripping? It reminds me always to be thankful...to be contented. Also, the less fortunate patients around me were created for a reason. They're a constant reminder that im one person blessed with so much. In short, i should never let a petty concern (like my epileptic broadband connection), an obnoxious individual, a difficult person or just anything, steal my happiness away.

p.s.
I hope some of our corrupt politicians would go on a guilt-trip sometimes.

4 comments:

vernaloo said...

you do deserve it mare...the guilt is normal, that makes you human :)

AngelMD-No-More said...

the reason y i love doing this guilt-tripping mare.hehe it makes u more thankful.

Rudy said...

Oops, pati ako na-guilty na rin ah... but then again, I worked hard for my money so I feel that I deserve the splurging I do sometimes.

AngelMD-No-More said...

well, at least i hope u felt better, sngl. feeling guilty is just a part of this game. feeling blessed is what u should feel more.hehe