More Rationalizations!

Eversince i started residency training, i have been rationalizing that the reason why i am bombarded with patients and why i am soooooooo toxic during my duties is that maybe God trusts me enough by sending His sick people to me. Eversince too ive been praying that i could handle all these patients well to the best of my ability. Havent committed a major blunder yet...God forbid, or else ill be the first to start a rally against Him on how unfair He could be.

Yesterday, i almost had an arrhythmia. A few hours before one of my patients at the ICU got toxic, i have to stand by for another patient who's in impending respiratory failure (thanks to the inventor of cigarette whoever the hell he was). Added to this, a new biological weapon was discovered. We were suffocated by one of our patient's shit. My nose is big enough to be very sensitive to odors (from perfume to food!). I guess having a sonic nose is a gift! Good thing I have tolerance to smelly stuffs but that one odor that we were breathing last night was beyond compare.

Five o'clock and i was still awake. By this time, I already received a message from my "wake up texter". He just woke up while i was still stealing precious sleep. I was almost in REM when the nurse woke me up that one of my patients was having an arrhythmia. Goodness gracious! I almost left my tired body on the bed i was lying upon when i stood up to see my patient.

Seeing those abnormal rhythms in the cardiac monitor in an half-asleep-half-awake status was the most scary feeling on earth ever! Seem to have dropped my brain somewhere when i woke up or must have left it in dreamworld. Alright! I was almost cramming. Being a grace under pressure however and a good actress, i pretended not to panic. Shet! I pledged to religiously read my books now (well, that was the other night...as of press time, havent been reunited with Harrison yet). I ordered for diazepam for the patient to allay her anxiety...almost ordered another one for me.

Rationalization time again! God wouldnt give me something i couldnt handle. Called for help from a senior resident and from my consultant. No additional medications were given. I almost ordered an anti-arrhythmic drug but i put it on hold. I was hoping that she'll convert to sinus. The defibrillator was on stand-by should i cardiovert. I was looking at the cardiac monitor without a wink. Afraid that a couplet might turn into v-tach!

A five-second normal rhythm...hoping...another PVCs...still hoping...yet another couplet...by this time, i needed diazepam for myself! Then came a normal 6-second tracing now getting longer until i could no longer see a single PVC. She eventually converted to sinus rhythm! Goodness! I didnt know that diazepam now is an anti-arrhythmic!

I was dead-tired and harassed after what happened. Yet more rationalizations reminded me that God must have loved me so much that i went through the experience unscathed...just a little harassed maybe. Well after what happened, His comfort is more than diazepam for me.