Heartbroken

If hearts do literally get broken, mine would be in the most powdered form. My heart breaks when someone cries in front of me much more if he is a guy. I encounter this situation almost everyday in the hospital. I sometimes am tempted to think that i always put people to tears for everytime i talk with a patient or a patient's relative, he or she will breakdown in front of me. Yep! no matter what kind of news im bringing - good or bad, i witness them cry.

From my last 24-hour duty, i had my heart broken once again for the nth time. A patient's husband talked to me about his patient's situation and he was in tears. Imagine a huge man who looks like a hoodlum, crying. He was so helpless and so was i. I could feel the pain, the helplessness, the love that he feels towards his wife. Mixed emotions. Very strong as his looks. As big as his built.

Goodness! If i only have the resources, if i only have the capacity to heal these patients even without medications, i would be able to prevent these big men from crying like a baby. In other words, i wouldnt just be able to help them but i could also prevent my heart from getting broken. Funny though how i wish i could be like a god at times. Changing a person's fate in a click of my fingers.

Good thing i am not God. I may not be able to comprehend why he lets these things to happen. You know, letting us experience pain. Letting us cry. The only thing that i feel comfortable about is that like me, He too is heartbroken everytime he sees us in pain (right Big Dad?) If i, a human being, not even related by blood to my patients gets heartbroken everytime i witness them crying, how much more will God's heart get broken when He's our sole creator?

Yep! I am heartbroken everytime i witness someone crying. Ive been scarred several times. These scars however remind me never to get scared. I am assured that everytime my heart gets broken, Someone, that big guy upstairs, is once again willing to put them back into whole.