The Other Side of the Coin

Was talking, over a plate of strawberries and salt, with my mother this evening right after dinner. She asked me how i was doing with work. Heck! It's been several nights that i missed family dinners. My mom and i only got to meet when i kiss her goodbye before i leave for work. I may always be whining about how toxic my work is, but she was wondering why i am gaining weight and my looks dont even show how toxic i am.

I shared once again my never ending story on how fulfilled i am with my work. Yep! No matter how toxic i get, and no matter how i lambast my profession in this blog when i experience my monthly pms. I really am happy...an understatement actually, make it fulfilled. I am really fulfilled with my work. If there is one area in this whole wide world where fulfillment can be found, it's inside this crap hospital i am in. The place of the sick, the poor and the dying yet also the place where blessings, miracle and charity overflow.

Everyday, as i witness the lives of my patients and their families, i am inspired even more to stay in this institution. When the trend right now is the efflux of health workers and shifting of my colleagues to the nursing profession, i am more convinced that i made the right choice of being in residency training. Compensation wise, i may be underpaid compared with those who are working abroad. I am more blessed however than my friends who are training in Manila. They are more underpaid than i am. A meager salary is already enough for an individual like me who supports only myself in this small city. Actually, i still could save for some foot spa, hot oils and coffee and malling sessions.

I may be too toxic with the number of patients that i handle. These patients however are my teachers. Even an abandoned patient who came in at the emergency room with no companion, is my guru. This patient has a lot to teach me about his disease and about life as a whole. I am more blessed than my colleagues who are working in a private hospital. Their compensation might equal their load, yet they lack teachers that we are too blessed to have.

I may always get heartbroken because of the fate that my patients experience. I may cry over the death of my patient, emphatize with the poverty that they are experiencing, or join them in their loss. I could tell however that i was never pathetic - yep! even if i'll fill my posts with my rantings. I am doing my part and i am helping in one way or another, in alleviating the ills not just of my patients but my society as a whole. I am saving lives.

Yep! I am saving lives. I may be losing my own life but i am saving lives. Forget those malling, parlor or coffee sessions. Forget those reunions, dates, or family dinners. Every sacrifice that i do would also mean saving not just one but several lives. This is the fulfillment that i get from opting to stay in this crap institution. It's the feeling that you are dying for yourself and the awareness that you are letting others live.